A Summer in Forks
by AshletD
Summary: Bella Swan has a seemingly perfect life- a great job, a great home, and a wonderful boyfriend. She isn't prepared for how all that will change when she goes to Forks to care for her father after surgery and meets local mechanic Jacob Black. AH.
1. Prologue

**This is my first time submitting a fan-fic, although I've enjoyed reading stories on this site for quite awhile. I have been in love with the Twilight Saga since first reading it, although I've only recently come to grips with the fact that I'm Team Jacob ;). This is the story that spawned from that realization. **

**All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with them.  
**

Prologue- BPOV

Vitamin Water.

Seeing those stout plastic bottles, their labels bolding proclaiming the supposed benefits of their contents, always made me think of _him_. The one whose name I dared not think, let alone say. He never went anywhere without a bottle- usually the yellow. "Energy," or something like that. It all tasted like crap to me. I used to tease him about it, accusing him of sullying his Native American heritage by consuming mass-produced colored water. He'd just laughed at me. He was almost impossible to anger.

Almost.

I stared at the well-stocked selection with a mixture of sadness and regret. I hated feeling this way- hated remembering his face, his voice, his touch- hell, even his _smell_- and knowing that had I chosen differently, I could have been with him at that very moment. Instead, there I was, getting misty-eyed in front of a Vitamin Water display at my local supermarket.

I became aware that a middle-aged woman a few feet down the aisle was staring at me curiously. I hurriedly wiped my eyes and flashed her a quick smile. "Allergies," I said.

She nodded sympathetically and turned back to the shopping list in her hand. I ducked my head and walked further down the aisle, trying to remember what I'd come there for in the first place. Oh yes- a case of Sprite. Edward always liked Sprite when he wasn't feeling well.

I grabbed a twelve pack and carried it with me to the register, feeling the familiar pangs of guilt as I thought of Edward. He was at home, sick with bronchitis, and here I was, wasting time thinking about…I stopped myself before my mind could form his name. I didn't want to risk opening the floodgates.

I put the Sprite on the conveyor belt and pawed through my purse, looking for my wallet. I hoped I had enough cash on me that I could avoid using my debit card for a measly few bucks. Luckily, I did. The cashier wished me Merry Christmas as he handed me my change and receipt.

"You, too," I replied, a little taken aback. I still couldn't believe it was the Christmas season already. Edward and I had spent Thanksgiving at home this year instead of flying up to Seattle to see his parents and sister, and so I hadn't taken much note of the holiday. Then again, I hardly took note of much of anything these days. Time had passed in a blur since my return from Forks last August, the days blending seamlessly into one another without me marking their passage. I was like a zombie at school, and I felt a pang of remorse when I thought of how I must have short-changed my students this semester. Although I knew I'd given them the same level of instruction that I normally did, I'd done so with no passion or zest at all.

My mood was seriously crashing as I trudged across the parking lot, squinting my eyes in the bright Phoenix sunlight. I shifted the Sprite under my arm and dug my over-sized sunglasses out of my purse. They were Dolce, a birthday present from Edward. He'd surprised me with them early, after we'd returned from Forks, as if the rock on my left hand wasn't present enough. I stared thoughtfully at the ring for a moment, noting how the facets twinkled in sun. I usually avoided looking at the ring, partly because I felt I didn't deserve it, but mostly because I wasn't entirely sure I _wanted_ it. I'd accepted Edward's proposal in a haze of guilt and a sense of obligation…

I climbed in my truck and slammed the door shut, trying to shake myself out of my reverie. I didn't like thinking about the events of the past summer to begin with, but it was particularly bad to get myself in this kind of mood before facing Edward. I was going to go home and take care of my sick fiancé, and block out all the other bullshit. It shouldn't be that hard; after all, I'd been doing pretty well at it for the last three and a half months.

The sun was beginning to set by the time I pulled into my parking spot in front of our condo. I gave my beat-up truck an affectionate pat as I shut the door, laughing inwardly at what an eyesore it was in the pristine gated community we lived in. Edward had begged me to sell the truck (hell, I could've abandoned it on the side of the road for all he cared) and to let him buy me a new car. I'd adamantly refused. The truck was one thing I was determined to hold on to, one part of my summer in Forks that I refused to reduce to memory. It was ironic, really, considering that I normally worked so hard to block Forks out of my mind, but I clung to that truck like a stubborn child.

Edward was sitting at the kitchen table on his laptop when I came in, and he looked up somewhat guiltily as I shoved the soft drinks in the refrigerator with an exaggerated sigh.

"Edward Cullen, what in God's name are you doing on that computer? You're supposed to be actually resting for once."

He smiled ruefully, one corner of his mouth quirking up. "Just checking email, love. Promise."

"I bet."

"The antibiotics are kicking in. I can't stay in bed all day doing nothing."

I shoved off from where I'd been leaning on the counter and went over to put my arms around his shoulders. "Edward, I think they can manage without you for one day. You were up until three this morning hacking up a lung. I command you to sit on the couch and be a lazy bum while I make dinner."

He turned and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Okay, Bella, you win. I'll go watch Sports Center or something if it will make you happy." His green eyes held a trace of suppressed laughter, knowing my aversion to sports.

I grimaced. "Uh, you don't have to go that far."

He snapped his laptop closed and stood, then turned to give me a kiss on the cheek. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "More where that came from later if you're not afraid I'm still contagious." He squeezed me gently and left to try his hand at being lazy.

******

I made chicken parmesan for dinner, and we ate in the living room instead of at the table. We hem-hawed over movie choices and finally settled on "The Hangover." Despite my earlier funk, I couldn't help but laugh my butt off. Edward, on the other hand, was a little more reserved, and I knew it wasn't just because of his cold. He always had trouble unwinding enough to enjoy more sophomoric humor. I had the fleeting thought that it was probably a movie _he_ would have enjoyed…but I pushed that notion out of my mind as quickly as it came.

We lingered in the living room for a bit after the movie. The next day was Saturday, so I didn't have any particular reason to get up early, but I knew Edward would be determined to make up for his missed day of work- if that was the case, he would need to get to sleep soon. I could tell he was ready to go upstairs, but I kept stalling, pretending to be interested in some mundane reality show. After his earlier comment in the kitchen, I had a feeling that Edward was in the mood for more than just sleep, and although I knew I would feel bad for turning him down, I just wasn't sure if I could get myself into the right mindset for sex. I'd spent so much of the day thinking about the past, about Forks- I was uneasy and preoccupied.

The one thing I couldn't figure out was _why_ I'd been thinking about the past summer so much- why today of all days? Something tugged at my subconscious, but I couldn't get it to fully reveal itself.

The show I'd been only half watching came to end, and Edward stood and stretched, closing his laptop (he'd opened it again as soon as "The Hangover" was over). He looked at me expectantly and held out his hand.

"Ready for bed?"

I turned the TV off and stood, taking his hand. "Sure. You need some rest, anyway, especially if you really plan on going to the office tomorrow."

"I need to, Bella. If the volume of emails I received today is any indication, I have a lot to catch up on."

"It's all in your head," I grumbled, leading the way up the stairs. I heard Edward chuckle behind me, but he sounded a little exasperated. His over-exuberant work ethic had always been a sore spot between us.

We changed clothes and brushed our teeth side by side in silence. Edward kept glancing at me out of the corner of his eye and I could tell he was beginning to pick up on my mood no matter how hard I tried to hide it. That little nagging thought in my subconscious was stronger than ever. There was something I was overlooking, something that would explain why I felt so sad…although, in truth, the sadness never really left me.

I finished up in the bathroom and climbed in bed next to Edward, who was already stretched out under the light comforter. As soon as I joined him, he pulled my face to his and kissed me. It was long, slow, and full of no uncertain meaning.

For a few moments, I let myself surrender. His hands were confident as they moved over my body- after the years we'd been together he knew me very well. My body responded easily to his touch, although I could tell my mind wasn't in it, and in the end, I found it impossible to reconcile the two.

I thought of a quick way to remedy the situation. I sat up, much to Edward's surprise, and gently pushed on his chest.

"Lay back. You've been sick. Let me take care of you tonight." I lowered my head and traced a line of kisses down his chest and stomach, ending at the elastic waistband of his boxers. Raising my head to give him a devilish smile, I slipped my hands under the elastic and began to slide his shorts down. He lifted his hips for me to help me out, flashing his crooked grin in return. I lowered my head again to take him in my mouth, and his hands immediately went to rest gently on my hair.

"Bella," he moaned. I looked up at him and watched as his eyes slid closed. His body tensed.

I kept going, and it didn't take him very long to climax. When he was finished, he dropped his hands and opened his eyes. They found mine and he smiled, his breath coming out in huffs.

"God, I needed that," he said. He raised his hand again to lightly touch my cheek. "I feel bad for not taking care of you, though."

I leaned forward and kissed him softly. "I'm fine. I wanted to do this for you." I snuggled in next to him, wrapping my arm around his waist and resting my head on his chest. He squeezed me briefly and yawned. I realized he hadn't coughed but maybe twice since dinner. "You do seem to be feeling better. Hopefully you'll get some decent sleep tonight."

"Hope so," he murmured, and I realized he was already starting to drift off. "Love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward."

He was out only minutes later. I tried to go to sleep, but I couldn't get my mind to shut down. I could feel the little elusive thought creeping closer to the surface, and I had a feeling it would make itself known before long. After another half hour of tossing and turning, I gave up and got out of bed.

Our bedroom was on the second floor of the condo and had its own private balcony overlooking the community pool. It seemed like a good place to sit and think (or possibly have a breakdown, I thought disjointedly). I pulled the sliding glass door shut behind me and curled up on the padded chaise. It was an unusually warm night for December, even by Phoenix standards. I felt completely comfortable in my silk pajamas and bare feet. I stared down at pool below me, noting how the Christmas lights on the various surrounding condos reflected across the water. If I'd been in a better frame of mind, the sight would have been soothing.

I let my thoughts wander for a moment, as dangerous as that was. I knew next week would be busy. Finals were coming up on Thursday, so I would need to spend the first part of the week reviewing with my classes. Then I would have the brief reprieve of winter break…

Suddenly I sat straight up on the chaise, my mouth popping open in a surprised "o." I counted back from the date of winter break, realizing that until now I hadn't even thought about what today's date was.

December 18th.

_His_ birthday.

That explained it. Why I'd been so obsessed with thoughts of Forks today. With thoughts of _him._ We'd planned to spend this day together. We hadn't been sure how it would work out at the time, but we had talked about taking a trip together for the weekend. That was a conversation that had occurred in another time, before I'd accepted Edward's proposal and the shit had hit the fan.

I wondered how he had chosen to spend his birthday. More importantly, I wondered with _whom._

But it wasn't my place to wonder about that. Not anymore. I had forfeited all my rights where he was concerned when I broke his heart.

Suddenly, all the guilt, remorse, and what-ifs of the day came crashing down on me. I felt tears well up in my eyes, and I knew that the floodgates were finally about to open. There would be no stopping them this time. All it would take was his name.

"Jacob," I whispered, a strangled sob escaping my throat.

And then the tears spilled over.

_My Jacob._

**I know it's a little wordy for a prologue, but I had a lot that I felt needed to established upfront. Please review and let me know what you think so far!**


	2. Chapter 1

**I just want take a moment to thank everyone who reviewed the prologue. You really encouraged me to move forward with this story. I apologize for not responding to the reviews individually, but I have been having some computer difficulties this week. Which is also the reason why this chapter took longer to get out than I intended. The wait for Chapter 2 should be shorter. **

**Also, in case you were wondering, the majority of this story will be told from Bella's perspective, although there will be some chapters in Jacob's POV here and there.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight; I'm just borrowing her characters for awhile.**

Chapter 1- BPOV

I was almost home, speeding down Queen Creek Road in my hurry to get out of the Arizona heat (especially considering that I was without AC) when my car finally kicked the bucket.

I should have seen it coming. The little aqua Sunfire was the only car I had ever owned. It had been with me since my senior year of high school, serving me dutifully through my college years and beyond. A car like that wasn't meant to last forever.

I pulled over onto the shoulder as the engine sputtered, spewing smoke in its death throes. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel and sighed. Now I would be forced to take Edward up on his offer to buy me a new car. I just didn't have it in my personal budget at the moment. He was going to be thrilled.

I got out just in case the Sunfire decided to blow up- I didn't know much about cars, but the black smoke continuously billowing from underneath the hood looked pretty ominous. For once I actually had my cell with me and had it charged, so I flipped it open and hit the speed dial for our home number. It was a rare occasion for Edward to be home so early in the evening, but we were supposed to be attending a going-away party for a co-worker of mine later, and he'd promised to go with me this time. The party was my other reason for pushing my car so hard- I'd stayed at school late to tutor a student, and now I had very little time to get changed. This new development wasn't going to help my situation any.

I smiled a little at the thought. Maybe we'd have to cancel. That wouldn't be such a bad thing. It had been months since I'd been able to enjoy a full evening alone with Edward.

It took him a few rings to answer, and when he did I could hear running water in the background.

"I was just about to jump in the shower, love. Are you almost home?"

"Well, about that…" I trailed off for a moment, looking sadly at my dying car. "I need you to meet me down on Queen Creek. The car's toast."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. Black smoke is a bad thing, right?"

I heard him sigh, and I imagined him pinching the bridge of his nose as he often did when irritated. "Damn it, Bella, why didn't you let me buy you a new car months ago? You knew this was going to happen."

"Because I like to take care of myself. I don't work full-time just to turn around and have you pay for everything." I hated the terseness that crept into my voice, but this was an old argument. Edward knew how much I hated relying on other people to pay my way, even him, and yet he kept pushing. First with the mortgage on the condo, now with his new car obsession- it was starting to grate on my nerves. I knew he just wanted to take care of me, and he certainly had the money to do that, but I always felt bad when he bought me things.

Of course now I was going to be forced to either let him buy me new car, or take over my share of the mortgage. Damn it! If the stupid car could have just held on a few more months, I probably could have afforded to finance a nice (albeit used) car. I knew that whatever Edward tried to buy me was going to be much more expensive than what I needed.

"I don't want to argue about this on the phone," Edward was saying. "We can talk about it later. Why don't you call a tow truck? Just give me a minute to throw on some clothes and I'll meet you there."

"Okay. And Edward? I know you're just trying to help."

"Maybe you should let me sometime," he replied. His voice held a faint teasing note, though, so it seemed we were avoiding an argument- for now. "See you in a few."

The smoke was starting to dissipate, so I figured it was safe to lean against the car while I called for a tow truck. I wondered where I should have it towed to. A junkyard seemed the most likely place, but I figured I should at least take a chance that someone might be able to fix whatever was wrong with it.

Edward beat the towing service. I looked at his sleek silver Mercedes and had a pretty good feeling about the type of car I would soon be driving. I hid my grimace. It was a nice car, just not my style. I seriously doubted Edward would agree to buy something more my speed.

He parked on the shoulder behind me and got out, giving me a light kiss before going to look under the Sunfire's hood. The remaining trapped smoke wafted out into the hot air, and Edward waved his hand in front of his face impatiently. He didn't know a lot about cars, but even his limited knowledge was more than I possessed. He shook his head.

"It's gone, love. It probably needs a whole new engine." He shut the hood and came to stand next to me. "We can have them tow it up the street, though, just in case."

"That's what I was planning on." I glanced sideways at him, enjoying the view of his profile. "I guess I should call Cindy and tell her we'll be late? Or I could just cancel," I added impishly.

"We can make most of it if we hurry," he replied, and then he noticed the slight smirk on face. "Or do you not want to go?"

"I feel bad for wanting to miss it, but I can think of other things I'd rather be doing tonight." I let my gaze travel slowly from his face to his belt, and back up. Then I winked.

"Why, Bella Swan," he murmured softly. "I'd almost think you were trying to seduce me." He mouth curved into his gorgeous crooked smile. "It is pretty rare that we have so much time together. I guess we should make the most of it."

Yes, this was definitely sounding better than Cindy's party. I didn't even know her that well, anyway.

The tow truck interrupted that line of thought. We still had to deal with the car first. I let Edward talk to the driver about what repair place they were taking it to while I grabbed my belongings from the Sunfire's center console. It didn't take long to get the car hooked up to the truck, and then Edward and I were headed home in his Mercedes while I basked in the air conditioning. That would be one perk to having a new car, at least.

I called Cindy while we were en route to the condo and gave her my regrets, making the car trouble sound like a much bigger deal than it actually was. She didn't seem particularly bothered, which made sense considering we hardly talked to each other. And just like that, my schedule was cleared for Edward.

It had been literally months since we'd had more than a hour's worth of time to spend together all at once. We grinned at each other as we hurried up the steps to our front door, and we barely made it inside before I attacked him.

"What about dinner?," he asked, laughing as I shoved him toward the stairs.

"It can wait." We entered the bedroom and I pushed him back onto our king-sized bed. "Now shut up while I have my way with you."

******

Dinner ended up being pizza, eaten while we lounged on the couch together. Edward took a work-related call while we ate, but it was brief and he stayed off his computer, so I held my tongue. It was, for the most part, an uncharacteristically cozy evening.

We were still watching TV together when I realized it was getting a little late. "Edward, you better go to bed soon if you want to get any sleep," I said. The next day was Saturday, but it wasn't unusual for Edward to put in six days a week, sometimes seven. So I was surprised when he told me he was taking the day off.

I pushed myself up from my half-recline on the couch to stare at him incredulously. "You're kidding, right?"

"Not at all. I thought this way we could spend even more time together. I actually had this planned since yesterday." He grinned at me suggestively, letting his fingers trail over my hip. "I would have told you earlier, but I didn't want to take away your incentive to skip that damn party." He leaned over me, his green eyes darkened with renewed desire. "That would have been tragic." He captured my lower lip in between his teeth.

Round two took place on the couch, and then we actually _did _go to bed. I still needed to get up somewhat early to finish grading essays and prepare for finals week. I couldn't have guessed at the time that the next morning would change everything.

******

I got up at seven-thirty and made breakfast- Swiss and bacon omelets. After we ate, Edward and I lingered at the kitchen table drinking coffee while I worked on my grading and he read over some emails. It was typical for Edward to get what seemed like dozens of long-winded emails a day from various co-workers and clients. Whatever issues they had, everyone always sought Edward's opinion first. I hated that they took up so much of his time, but I couldn't blame them- you didn't become one the top architects in the country by the age of 27 by being _average_.

Edward's love of architecture began with his mother, Esme. The firm that he now spearheaded had been her baby. She had enjoyed quite a bit of success on the west coast and even into the plains states, but it wasn't until her ridiculously talented son took over that Cullen Design garnered national attention. Fresh out of college with a masters in architecture from Arizona State, he had known instinctively what needed to be done to turn the firm into a force to be reckoned with. Although Esme was still very much of a part of the business, it was Edward's baby now, and he worked harder and longer than anyone else within the company. I could attest to that.

I mentally berated myself for begrudging Edward the time he devoted to his work. I knew how important it was to him, and I _was _proud of him. It was just that I could remember a time when _I _had been the most important thing in his life, and that didn't seem to be the case anymore. The night before had been a fluke- a very enjoyable fluke- but a fluke nonetheless. Despite taking the day off, I was almost 99.9% sure that he would be retreating to his home office soon- what I liked to refer to as "the Edward cave."

But last night had been fun, and the most alone time we'd had together in months, so I tried to push the negative thoughts away and enjoy just having him here.

That lasted about ten minutes.

"So what's up for tomorrow?" I asked casually, placing another essay on top of the "done" pile. "Are you going to the office tomorrow, or just knocking off until Monday?"

Edward looked up and sighed, pushing his laptop away from him and laying his reading glasses down on the table. I was immediately alert. Something was up, because Edward was suddenly all business.

I groaned. "What now?"

He sighed and rubbed his face. "Please, Bella, let's not argue about this."

Uh oh. Well, there went the weekend. "Are you going of out town again?"

"Yes. I have to leave for Mississippi Monday morning." He winced slightly, as if bracing himself for the onslaught.

"You just got back from Dallas two weeks ago!" I was seething. It wasn't necessarily the fact that he was going to be gone again- although that I wasn't particularly thrilled about that either- but the fact that I suddenly realized that last night and his "day off" had been a way to hopefully soften me up. "That's what this was," I said softly. "You were hoping I'd be less mad if we spent a little one on one time first."

He looked appropriately abashed. Well, good for him. "I was hoping, yes."

"This is horseshit," I said flatly. "Edward, I understand that you have a demanding job, and I've done my best to be supportive because I love you. But how the hell do you expect us to continue this relationship when we never see each other?"

"I don't know."

I blinked in surprise. I'd expected him to offer some sort of reassurance. The defeat I heard in his voice sent chills down my spine. "How long will you be gone this time?" I asked quietly.

Edward's eyes met mine, and I could see a faint hint of wetness in the green depths staring back at me. "Six weeks, at least," he replied. "We put in a bid on a new casino, and they just hired us yesterday morning." He reached out to touch my hand, his voice pleading now. "I'm sorry, Bella, I just didn't want to tell you last night. You seemed so happy."

I bit my lip and struggled with my own tears as they threatened to spill from my eyes. I looked away from Edward even as I turned my hand palm up to grip his.

We sat motionless for an immeasurable amount of time. I jumped half out of my chair when the phone rang.

Edward got up and grabbed the cordless from the kitchen counter, checking the caller ID. He immediately handed it to me. "It's Charlie."

Oh, for the love of God. The only thing Charlie and my mother had in common anymore was that they both had a knack for calling at the most inopportune times. I briefly considered letting it go to voicemail, and then decided that maybe I could use the distraction. Perhaps things wouldn't look so bleak once I got off the phone. I hit the talk button and tried my best to sound chipper.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bells," my father replied. I immediately realized that his cheerful tone sounded just as false as mine.

"Hey, Dad…is something wrong?"

"I forgot how perceptive you are," he said, chuckling faintly.

"It's not that. You're just a even worse actor than I am. What's going on?" From across the table, Edward was looking at me in concern, our earlier discussion momentarily forgotten.

"Well." He paused and I heard him take a deep breath. "I need to ask you for a favor," he finished grumpily.

That explained his mood. Charlie hated letting people do things for him, even more so when he had to actually ask. It was just one of the many traits I'd inherited from him.

"Okay…shoot."

"So my doctor tells me I need knee replacement surgery in both knees," he began. "It's pretty much that, or forget about walking much longer. I'm going to do it, of course, but unfortunately I'm going to need a little help afterwards." I could hear the embarrassment in voice as he said that last part. "I can handle my, er, personal business, but I need somebody to do the shopping and tend to the house, things like that." Before I could get a word in, he rushed on, "I hate to ask you for this, honey, but I really don't know who else…"

"It's no problem, Dad, really," I assured him quickly. "I don't mind at all. Especially with school letting out next week."

"Yeah, I figured this would be the best time. You're sure, Bells?"

"Dad. I love you. If you need help, I'm always here." I felt my eyes tearing up as I said it. This was turning out to be an emotional day.

Charlie's voice was gruff as he answered. "I love you, too, hon. Thank you."

"So when do you need me?"

"I guess I'll have him set it up for the week after next. I'll be in the hospital for three or four days, so that'll give you time to get out here and get situated." His voice turned cautious again. "The doctor says recovery time is usually three to six weeks. With me having both knees, it might be a lot closer to six."

"Dad! It's okay, I promise." I couldn't help but roll my eyes. When it came to our hatred of burdening people, I think Charlie was even worse than I was, if that was possible.

"Okay, well, I'll call you back once I get the date set. I should have it for you Monday. And Bells? I really do appreciate this." His voice brightened a little. "It'll be nice to have you back in Forks- it's been years."

"Sure thing, Dad." I didn't know if I agreed with the Forks part, but I let it go.

We said our goodbyes after that, Charlie sounding much happier after getting the uncomfortable questions out of the way. I hung up and filled Edward in on what he hadn't gleaned from my end of the conversation.

"This might be a good thing, Bella," he said anxiously. "You'll be in Forks while I'm gone, instead of here alone. You could even call Alice and meet up with her for a day."

Alice was Edward's sister, who was, for all intents and purposes, my best friend- although I hadn't seen her since the previous Christmas. She lived near their parents in Seattle, which was an easy drive from Forks. I felt a hint of excitement at the thought of logging a little girl-time with Alice. Maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad, after all.

"That would be nice," I agreed, smiling.

Edward looked encouraged at the lift in my mood. "Bella, let me get this trip to Mississippi out the way. I may even get back before you do, you never know. And once we're both back here, I'll look at making some changes to the amount of time I spend away from home."

I sighed. I'd believe _that_ when I saw it. I couldn't look into Edward's pleading eyes, though, and deny him the chance.

"Okay, Edward. I'll hold you to that." Then I shrugged with a rueful smile. "I guess I'm going to Forks."

**So, still no Jacob yet- but I _promise _we'll get to meet him in Chapter 2. I just had some more background stuff to get out of the way first. Please review if you're liking it so far. I promise to respond this time =)**


	3. Chapter 2

**Okay, so I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that I'm pretty sure I'm only going to be updating once a week. I'm not saying that I'll never update more frequently, but I don't want to promise something and then not deliver. So look for weekly updates from here on out. **

**The good news is, we meet Jake in this chapter! And on that note, I'm going to shut up now :)**

**As always, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; all I own is the idea for this story.  
**

Chapter 2- BPOV

I left for Forks a little over a week after Charlie called. He set up his surgery for the Monday after finals week, and I went up the day of so I could get settled in at the house before he came home from the hospital. If all went well, he expected to be released after three days.

I had called Alice right after I made my airline reservations, and the squeal she emitted had me holding the phone away from myself to protect my eardrums. Although Alice certainly had the money to fly to Phoenix whenever she wanted, she didn't always have the time. She owned an upscale clothing boutique in Seattle that kept her pretty busy, especially considering that she was too much of a perfectionist to trust anyone else with the place for long. I really would have preferred to go visit her in Seattle for a day, but since I wasn't sure what condition Charlie would be in, I had her plan to come to me, instead. I couldn't wait to see her, but it _was _awfully hard to picture beautiful, impeccably dressed Alice traipsing around Forks in her Manolo Blahnik's.

I'd met Alice at the same time I met Edward. They were both in a ridiculous elective class I took my senior year in college- history of magic, of all things- one of those filler courses you end up needing last minute. I was sitting in the back on the first day, and I noticed two students at the end of my row who were both so gorgeous that I couldn't believe I'd never noticed them around campus before. I never would have guessed that they were brother and sister since they looked nothing alike, but that made sense when I later found out that they were adopted. Edward was tall, lean and fit, with piercing green eyes and a head of artfully disheveled reddish-brown hair. Alice had dark brown eyes and pitch-black hair that she wore in a short, spiky pixie cut. She was also tiny, dwarfed even by my five-foot-five.

Alice had been the first to strike up a conversation with me. She was much more outgoing than Edward, although he joined in once Alice and I got to talking. Over the next few weeks, I got to know both of them. They were the adopted children of Carlisle and Esme Cullen, and they had been raised in Seattle, Washington. They were my age, which was twenty-two at the time, and they had an older (also adopted) brother named Emmett, who played professional football for the Denver Broncos. Their mother was a self-employed architect, and their father was a neurosurgeon. Alice was planning to pursue a career in fashion, and Edward told me of his own plans to become an architect like their mother.

I could tell that they came from a fairly wealthy background, and I was immediately intimidated by such a well-off, successful family. Alice was such a warm person, though, that she made short work of any misgivings I had. We became close friends in practically no time at all.

Edward took longer to warm up to. It wasn't that he was unfriendly, he was just _so _intensively focused on his studies that he didn't leave much time for social interaction. I was a good student and took my classes seriously, but I knew I would never match his drive. I admired him for his devotion to success, but I was intimidated by it, too.

Apparently, Alice could tell that he was interested in me, because she dropped enough not-so-subtle hints that he finally asked me out on a date. At first it was rough not having Alice there to control the flow of conversation, but by the end of the evening we were talking more comfortably than we ever had. That date led to a second, and then a third, and almost before I knew it, we were exclusive.

Edward was, in many ways, and old-school romantic. He took me to upscale restaurants, he always paid, he bought me flowers and had them delivered to my house. I still lived with my mother at the time, and the gentlemanly gestures weren't lost on her. She thought Edward was a great catch. I had to agree with her. I finally understood the phrase "swept off my feet." Although I normally wasn't much for traditional romantic gestures, my last "relationship" with some jerk in high school made me much more appreciative of Edward's ways.

We dated all through the remainder of our senior year. I finished out my English degree and my secondary teaching certification, and Edward went to work on his masters. I got a job at a high school in Maricopa County. When Edward completed his masters, he told me that he planned to stay in the Phoenix area indefinitely (he was in love with Arizona) and asked me to move in with him.

I had no objections to that- my mother had just gotten engaged to a man named Phil, the first decent guy she had dated in years- and I figured it was time for me to leave the nest. What I had a problem with was Edward's idea of where we should live.

He assumed that he would just buy us a house, probably somewhere in Scottsdale. He was surprised when I told him absolutely not. Not only did we not need a huge house just for the two of us, but I refused to allow Edward to pay for everything when I had a decent job. I wasn't moving in with him unless we bought something together and I could afford to pay half.

It was our first real fight, but I won. We settled on a three-bedroom condo on the outskirts of Gilbert, one of the cities on the fringe of the Phoenix metro area. It was in a gated community with a clubhouse and a pool, and it was close to where I worked. Edward had already rented out office space to start his branch of Cullen Design, and we fell into our new routine fairly quickly. I knew Edward almost felt like he was slumming it by living in a condo, but in truth, it was the nicest place _I _had ever lived in.

At first, things seemed wonderful, and I was very happy.

I sighed suddenly, trying to force my thoughts back to the day at hand. I didn't want think about Edward's descent into workaholic-ism, not when he was currently thousands of miles away in Mississippi, and I needed to get my head clear. I needed to focus on taking care of my father during this trip. My problems with Edward could wait until I got home.

I was thrilled when my plane landed in Port Angeles. I wasn't overly fond of planes to begin with, let alone ones like the prop-plane I'd just vacated. It was nothing but an over-glorified school bus with wings. I still had to pick up my rental car and make the hour drive back down to Forks, but at least the hard part of the trip was over.

Edward had insisted on renting the car for me, and I had a feeling that he hadn't reserved the kind of non-descript, compact car I would have liked. I was relieved when the agent handed me the keys to a beige Nissan. Nothing too flashy. I giggled when I glanced around the lot and realized that it was probably the nicest car the rental place had to offer. I definitely wasn't in Phoenix anymore.

As I drove to Forks, I tried to acclimate myself to my surroundings. I hadn't been to this part of Washington in ten years, not since my last summer visit with Charlie when I was seventeen. I'd forgotten how _green _everything was. In Phoenix, the most green you saw was the muted hue of a Saguaro cactus. Here, everything was lush and leafy. It took some getting used to.

I had to admit it was absolutely beautiful on a day like today. For once it wasn't raining. The sun was shining brightly through the trees, throwing dapples of light onto the road before me. Fluffy white clouds floated lazily overhead, devoid of any signs of rain. Oddly enough, I was suddenly glad I came.

I made good time and hit the Forks town limit around noon. I would swing by the house and drop of my luggage and then head over to the hospital to check on Charlie. His surgery had been first thing that morning, so I figured he would be awake and lucid. In spite of the circumstances, I was looking forward to seeing him. Once a year really wasn't enough.

I wasn't surprised to see that Forks looked exactly the same as I remembered it. It was strangely comforting. All the stores that had been in business during my last visit were still there, every familiar landmark still standing.

I was idling at a red light when I noticed a flash of color out of the corner of my eye. For some reason, I turned to investigate, and was delighted with what I saw.

Parked in the lot of an auto repair shop was an old pick-up truck, its paint a faded tomato red. I didn't know much about vehicles, but I guessed from its bulbous cab and rounded fenders that it was probably made sometime in the '50s. For some inexplicable reason, I immediately fell in love with it.

It was for sale.

Maybe it was a sense of rebellion against Edward. I knew he would absolutely _hate _it. It was the complete antithesis of any vehicle he would ever consider buying for me. Even better, it had to be cheap, meaning I could pay for it myself. Without stopping to think more on the subject, I jerked over into the turn lane just in time to make the turn into the body shop's parking lot.

I parked next to the truck and got out, excited to look it over. It was definitely old, but it seemed to have been well cared for. The tires looked fairly new, and the inside was clean. I glanced up at the sign on the building in front of me- "Black's Auto Repair." I could only assume that they were the ones selling the truck, unless someone else was borrowing their parking lot. I didn't see a contact number on the "for sale" sign, so I decided to go in and ask.

The guy sitting behind the counter looked up right away as I walked through the front door into the little reception area. He was a few years younger than me, in his early twenties. He was Native American, probably part of the Quileute tribe from down in La Push. His long black hair was pulled into a low ponytail with a piece of red elastic, and he had his sneaker-clad feet propped up on the chair opposite his. He closed the _AutoTrader_ he'd been leafing through and flashed me a friendly grin. I couldn't help smiling back.

"What can I do for you?" he asked politely.

"I'm interested in that truck out front."

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really?" Then he seemed to recover himself. "Sorry, you just don't look like much of a truck girl."

I smiled again. It had been a few years since anyone other than my dad had referred to me as a "girl." "What should someone who's interested in a truck look like?"

He shrugged. "Eh, about a hundred pounds heavier, bearded, pack of Marlboros in his pocket." He laughed and got up from his seat behind the counter. "Anyway, you'll have to talk to Jake about the truck. He's the owner."

I wondered if he meant the owner of the truck, the shop, or possibly both. I didn't get a chance to ask. He stuck his head through the door leading into the garage and yelled, "Hey, Jake, there's someone here about the truck!"

"Be right out," a muffled voice replied.

About thirty seconds later the door swung open, and I had to stop myself from gaping at the man who stepped through it.

_Holy hell._

The first thing that struck me was how tall he was. He was easily six-five. He was also muscular- I couldn't help but notice the way his short-sleeved shirt stretched over his well-defined torso and upper arms. He was Native American too, his copper-brown skin smooth and clear, his eyes a deep, dark chocolate. His black hair was much shorter than his coworker's, but it was shaggy, as if he'd cut it himself without the benefit of a mirror. Not that it mattered. There was no haircut on earth that could detract from the beauty of that body and that face.

Just when I was beginning to wonder if I'd been staring too long, a brilliant, sunny smile suddenly broke out on his face, his perfect, full lips parting to reveal a set of gorgeous white teeth. His beauty was almost blinding, and now I _knew _I was staring. _Gah_.

Then he shocked the hell out of me by speaking my name. "Bella Swan!" he exclaimed, his husky voice containing a hint of pleasant surprise.

I racked my brain for a moment, trying to figure out how he knew me. Surely I would have remembered someone who looked like him. Then I remembered the name of the business- _Black's _Auto Repair- and it clicked into place.

"Jacob Black?" I asked incredulously. "I barely recognized you!"

He grinned again, and I actually had to take a second to remind myself that I had a boyfriend at home. _Yeah, Edward, remember him? Now stop acting like a schoolgirl drooling over the football captain._

"I don't blame you. I was a pretty scrawny kid the last time you saw me," Jacob replied. "It's been what, ten years?"

"Yeah, that's the last time I came here to visit." Then, in a softer voice, I added, "I was sorry to hear about your dad."

Jacob sobered for a minute. "Thanks. It was a really rough time."

I nodded slowly. "Charlie took it hard too, I remember. That's actually why I didn't come back the next year. He wanted to get away from Forks and get a change of scenery. And after that, I was in college, so…" I trailed off. "What did you and your sisters do after?" I asked, remembering that Jacob's mother had died when he was small. Then I paused. "I'm sorry if I'm prying."

"Not at all," he said easily. "Rachel and Rebecca were already in college at the time, but Billy left custody of me to the Clearwater's. So that's how I ended up with Seth over there as my pseudo-brother."

I'd practically forgotten that there was anyone else in the shop with us. I looked over at the guy I'd spoken to when I first came in, and my mouth fell open. "That's Seth _Clearwater?_" The boy in my memory had been even skinnier than Jacob and about a half-foot shorter than me. Now, he wasn't quite as tall or as built as Jake, but he was no slouch, either. "There must be something in the water down in La Push," I muttered without thinking.

Both Seth and Jacob roared with laughter, and I felt a bright red blush race across my cheeks and up to the tips of my ears. I hadn't blushed like this since high school. What was wrong with me? I was a twenty-seven year old woman, for God's sake.

Jacob caught his breath. "Sorry." I found him taking in my blush with noticeable amusement. "You haven't changed much," he murmured.

I was surprised that he remembered so much about me. I'd never thought of myself as particularly memorable or special. The way Jacob was looking at me now, so intently, had me off balance. The he shook his head and his face went back to its early friendliness, and I decided I was reading too much into it.

"Let's go outside and I'll unlock the truck so you can take a look," he said.

I squinted as we returned to the uncharacteristic sunshine, and grabbed my sunglasses from where they rested on top of my head. I might as well get some use out of them while I could. Jacob unlocked the driver's side door of the truck and stepped back.

"Hop in, see what you think."

I climbed into the driver's seat. Everything was as clean and well-kept as it had looked from the outside. Jacob handed me the key.

"Want to take it for a test-drive?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Sure."

"You know how to drive a stick, right?"

"Yeah."

He hesitated. "Would you mind if I rode along? Not that I don't trust you," he added hastily, "but the clutch can be a little tricky. I just want to make sure you've got the hang of it."

I nodded, and Jacob walked around the truck to the passenger side. I leaned over to unlock it for him, and then hurried to put on my seatbelt.

He gave me a quizzical look as he climbed into the truck with me. "Is that your car?" he asked, pointing at the Nissan.

"It's a rental."

"Oh, okay. I just wondered why you'd want to buy this if you already had a new car."

"Yeah, I just got that to use while I'm in town, but then I saw this and I just had to take a closer look. My car crapped out on me the week before last, and it was going to cost more to fix it than it was worth to start with."

I started up the truck and gently eased it out of the lot and began driving back the way I came in. I continued talking without even really knowing why, except that Jacob Black was one of those people that I immediately felt comfortable with. "To be honest, this is right up my alley. New cars just don't have any personality. Of course, my boyfriend's going to be pissed if I don't let him by me a new car."

Something flickered in Jacob's eyes when I mentioned having a boyfriend, but I didn't know what it was. Surely not jealousy- more like surprise that someone like me would be in a relationship. I knew I must look so plain next to someone like him. To be honest, I wasn't sure what Edward had seen in me either. I wasn't overly displeased with what I saw in the mirror, but I didn't think I was anything to write home about, either. Not that it mattered what Jacob thought of me, I reminded myself, once again wondering what my deal was.

"You don't want him to buy you a new car?" Jacob asked.

"It's not that I don't appreciate it, I've just never liked having people pay for things for me. I just want to do this myself." I paused briefly. "I must sound really ungrateful."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to be self-sufficient, Bella."

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and found him looking at me with that intense expression again. I had to force my concentration back to the road.

"Thanks," I replied, genuinely pleased that he seemed to understand.

"So what brings you back to Forks?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Charlie had double knee surgery this morning, so I'm going to stay here for a few weeks and help him out with things. I'm a teacher, so I need something to do for the summer." _Especially with Edward clear across the country._

"What do you teach?"

"Freshman English," I replied, smiling as I thought about how much I actually enjoyed my job. It had its ups and downs, but it was usually very rewarding.

Jacob smiled back. "I can definitely picture you as a teacher." Then he went on, "So what does your boyfriend do, and how is it that he can handle not having you around for weeks?"

I almost swerved off the road. Was he flirting with me? Surely not. "Uh…he's, um, an architect," I stammered. "His name's Edward Cullen."

"_The_ Edward Cullen?"

"You've heard of him?"

"Yeah, I have a little bit of interest in architecture, myself. More of a hobby than anything else. I'm not really into commercial stuff, but he does good work." Jacob gave me a look that I didn't know how to decipher. For some reason, he seemed… disappointed, almost. Strange.

"Anyway, he's on a business trip in Mississippi right now."

Jacob relaxed, and his strange expression smoothed out. "You don't sound too thrilled."

"It's just that it happens all the time. He's gone more than he's home." Once again, I was shocked to find myself venting my frustrations to someone I hadn't seen in ten years. I had to admit it was nice, though. The only close friend I had was Alice, and although I knew she would be understanding, I still felt uncomfortable complaining to her about her own brother.

"I'm sorry," Jacob said sincerely. "It sounds lonely."

"It is," I replied. Suddenly I had a lump in my throat. I realized that I was going to bawl my eyes out if I didn't change the subject. I noticed that we were back to the outer edges of town, so I found a driveway to turn around in and headed back to the shop. "The truck drives really well. I can tell its been taken good care of."

"It was my dad's. After he died, the Clearwater's held on to it for me, and I started driving it as soon as I got my license. I used it until I saved up to buy my own car, and it's been sitting in the garage ever since, but I keep it tuned up and run it out occasionally. I just decided it was time to stop holding on to it." He shrugged. "I know it's just a truck, but it has sentimental value."

"Are you sure you want to sell it?"

"Yeah, it's time. I have to admit, though, I might feel better if it went to someone I know." He grinned suddenly, giving me a pointed look.

I laughed. "You don't have to sell me, don't worry. I've already decided I want it."

Once we were parked back in the shop's parking lot, I realized that I still had to deal with my rental car, and that Charlie was going to be in no shape to drive. "Oh, shit," I muttered.

"What?" Jacob followed my gaze to the Nissan. "Oh, the rental car. You got it in Port Angeles, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, why don't I keep the truck here tonight? I'll give it a thorough cleaning for you, check the fluids, make sure everything's up to speed, and then you can meet me here in the morning and I'll follow you up to Port Angeles so you can take your car back."

"Really, you don't mind?"

"Nah, Seth can keep this place going while I'm gone." He gave me a teasing smile, and once again I was struck by how gorgeous he was. "You just have to promise that you'll give me ride back and not leave me stranded up there."

I wrinkled my nose at him. "I'll think about it."

"Guess I'll have to take my chances then."

Jacob quoted me a ridiculously low price on the truck and I found myself trying to haggle him for a _higher _price, which he refused. We finally compromised and I wrote him a check. We planned to meet at nine, and I drove off in my rented Nissan, glad that I would soon be rid of it. I already adored my new (old) truck. It had a history, a personality, qualities I liked in vehicles.

As I headed to Charlie's house, I tried to keep my mind off the dark eyes and engaging smile of Jacob Black.

********

I wasn't surprised to see that Charlie's house looked exactly as I remembered it. The faded white siding looked a little more weathered, but other than that, it was unchanged from my last visit here. I walked carefully up the cracked walkway to the porch and automatically grabbed the few pieces of mail from the box beside the door before reaching under the eave for the spare key. Charlie had told me on the phone the day before that he still kept it in the same spot. It was definitely a testament to small towns and their supposed safety that an ex-cop would even dream of hiding a key outside. No one in Phoenix would dare do such a thing.

I let myself in and slipped the key onto my own key-ring before taking the mail into the kitchen. I glanced at it casually as I set it on the counter- a water bill and two items from the city. Charlie had been the Chief of Police in Forks until just this last year; now he was a city councilman.

The inside of the house looked just as unchanged as the outside. The kitchen cabinets were still painted a fading yellow, and the furniture in the living room sat in the same place. The only thing different was the television- Charlie had upgraded his old thirty-two inch to a fifty-eight inch LCD screen. It took up the majority of the wall.

I noticed that the living room was still littered with pictures of me, mostly from childhood, but a few from recent years. I felt a pang of sadness at how few photos there were of me from the last ten years. I vowed to visit with Charlie more; after all, he wasn't getting any younger. I hated that he probably thought I'd always chosen my mother over him when that wasn't really the case. Charlie could take care of himself. My mother, bless her heart, could not. It was only because she was now married to Phil that I was currently off the hook. Phil was a good man and he took care of her. She was so scatterbrained that without someone to look after her, she was likely to forget things- important things, like paying the electric bill.

Charlie and my mother were so different that it was hard to believe they had ever dated, much less gotten married. Although, if I was honest about it, I knew that she probably never would have married Charlie in the first place if she hadn't been pregnant with me. It was a failed experiment that lasted until I was two. It always made me a little sad that I had no memories of the three of us together.

I shrugged off my melancholy and trudged upstairs with my two bags. I groaned as I passed the hall bathroom. I'd forgotten that the only bathroom in the house was upstairs. I wasn't sure how Charlie would feel about needing his daughter's help up the stairs just to used the restroom. Hopefully he wouldn't be at the stage of recovery for long.

I entered my old bedroom and dropped my bags on the floor with a relieved sigh. I chuckled at how similar the room was to the way I'd left it- same yellowed lace curtains on the walls, same desk in the corner. The bedspread and sheets looked new, though, and I hoped Charlie hadn't bought them just for this short visit.

I went back downstairs and did a quick check on the contents of the pantry and refrigerator. It was worse than I feared. As soon as I left the hospital after visiting Charlie, I was going to have to stop off at the Thriftway and pick up some groceries.

I locked up the house carefully and got back in the car. Luckily I remembered the way to Forks General, although it wasn't exactly easy to get lost in a town as small as Forks. I called Edward on my way to let him know that I'd made it into town safely, and wasn't surprised when I got his voicemail.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm here. I'm on my way right now to visit Charlie. I have some news for you though- you don't have to buy me a car now! I bought a truck this afternoon from a local mechanic. Got a great deal on it, too, so I just wrote him a check. Anyway, I'll talk to you later. I love you."

I snapped the phone shut and giggled to myself. I expected a very irritated phone call from him sometime in the next hour or two. I realized that I hadn't thought to mention to him that I was going to be making a trip to Port Angeles the next morning with said mechanic. Not that it should matter.

The receptionist at the front desk directed me to Charlie's room, giving me a friendly smile and welcoming back "Chief Swan's daughter." I thought it was funny that people still thought of him that way, and I wondered what the new chief would have had to say about it.

Charlie was propped up in bed when I walked in, watching the news. He looked good for someone just out of surgery, alert and relaxed. He smiled broadly as he looked up and saw me standing there.

"Bells!" he called, waving me over. "It's so good to see you, honey."

I gave him a hug, careful to watch for his IV. "How are you feeling, Dad?" I asked as I sat in the chair next to his bed.

"Not bad, considering. But I think they have a pretty good cocktail going in that IV right now." He chuckled. "So how was your trip?"

"Alright. You know I'm not big on planes."

"Yeah, neither am I." He paused. "How's Edward?" he asked grudgingly. Edward had never been one of Charlie's favorite people. He found him a little too reserved and somewhat off-putting.

"Doing okay. He's pretty busy, so I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet today." Then I remembered the phone message I'd left him. "He probably won't be too happy when I talk to him next."

"Why's that?"

"I bought a truck."

"Really? Where, here?"

"Yeah. I bought it from Jacob Black."

My dad laughed. "So you bought Billy's old truck! Well, I'll be damned. I didn't think that thing still ran."

"It's actually in pretty good shape. Jacob seems to have taken good care of it."

"You haven't seen Jacob since you were what, eighteen?"

"Seventeen," I corrected. "He recognized me right away."

"Doesn't surprise me," Charlie muttered. I was about to ask him what he meant by that, but I didn't have a chance. "Jacob's a good kid," Charlie went on.

"He's only a couple of years younger than I am, Dad."

"You're all kids to me," Charlie replied. "Jacob's been through a lot- first his mom dying when he was so young, then Billy…and then losing Harry two years ago. He thought of Harry like a second father-"

I held up my hand before he could go on. "Wait, wait. Harry Clearwater died? You never told me that!"

Charlie shrugged a little. "I never thought to mention it, I guess. You didn't know the Clearwater's that well. He had a heart attack two years ago. It was rough on Sue and the kids- on Jake, too."

"Poor Jacob," I said softly. "That is a lot to go through."

"Jacob's a resilient person, though. He always manages to stay upbeat, somehow."

"Yeah, I noticed that about him. He's such a nice guy, too. He offered to follow me to Port Angeles tomorrow to take my rental car back."

Charlie smiled slyly. "You don't think Edward will mind?"

I shook my head, confused. "Why should he?"

"Oh, I don't know, a pretty girl like you going somewhere alone with a good-looking mechanic…"

I groaned. "Dad, please. He's just doing me a favor. And I know Edward isn't one of your favorite people, but _I _love him, so please try to restrain yourself from setting me up with anybody, okay?"

He held up his hands in submission. "Okay, okay, sorry."

He changed the subject after that, and we chatted about other, inconsequential things until the nurse came in to check his vitals and I decided it was time to get to my grocery shopping. I leaned down to give Charlie a peck on the cheek and another hug before I left.

"I'm sorry it's under these circumstances, but I am really am glad to see you, Dad," I whispered.

"I'm glad you're here, too, Bells," he replied gruffly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

As I drove to the Thriftway in the waning light of the early summer evening, I tried very hard not to think about my father's comments about Jacob Black.

I didn't succeed.

**Once again, I just want to thank everyone who has reviewed so far and/or added this story to their alerts and favorites. I appreciate any and all feedback.**

**Jacob has been holding out on Bella about something from the past- next chapter, we'll find out what that is. The next chapter will also be in JPOV. I can't wait!**

**Please review and let me know how you think it's going!  
**


	4. Chapter 3

**Whew- this has been a hectic week. Life intervened more than once during the writing of this chapter, but I'm still reasonably happy with it. Writing from Jacob's perspective was different, but fun. I have a few more JPOV chapters planned for this story in the future.**

**I am loving all the great feedback that I've received so far on this story! Keep it coming :)**

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.  
**

Chapter 3- JPOV

I slept for shit the night after Bella Swan walked back into my life after ten years, mostly because I spent it dreaming about her. While quite a bit of the dreams centered around the seventeen-year-old Bella of my memory, parts featured my new vision of her from the day before. Judging by my sizeable morning wood, they weren't all innocent dreams, either.

I stayed in bed for a few minutes, disoriented, before I realized that I'd woken up before my alarm went off. It was only seven, and I didn't have to be at the shop to meet Bella until nine. I groaned and rubbed my eyes before swinging my legs over the edge of the bed. At least it would give me some time to get in an extra-thorough shower.

I stood under the warm spray, thinking back to the previous afternoon. Even after ten years, I still recognized her from the moment I saw her. She looked almost the same as I remembered- the same long, mahogany hair framing her beautiful chocolate brown eyes, her skin still pale and creamy-smooth. She'd always been thin and still was, but although I doubted she'd developed a love for sports over the years, she'd obviously spent a little time in the gym. Her body was more toned, and she'd filled out her curves in all the right places.

I wasn't sure at exactly what point my dick ended up in my hand, but I shrugged and went with it. It probably wasn't such a bad idea. After all, it wouldn't really look very good if I showed up to meet Bella with a raging hard-on. It also wasn't like she didn't already hold the top slot in my spank bank, either. She'd had that dubious honor since I was fourteen.

I finished quickly and got to my "actual" shower, taking special care to scrub around and under my nails, where grease always seemed to linger. I wasn't sure why the hell I was going to so much trouble. Bella had already told me that she had a boyfriend, and not just any boyfriend- a rich, successful one. Edward Cullen, head of Cullen Design- a fucking Fortune 500 company, for Christ's sake. Someone that I, Jacob Black, lowly mechanic from La Push, Washington, could never measure up to.

I wondered why Charlie had never mentioned Cullen on any of the brief occasions we'd spoken of Bella. Maybe he didn't like him very much. Maybe he was a complete dickhole. For a moment I chided myself for being petty, and then I remembered what Bella had said about him being a workaholic and not being home much, and I decided my assessment was probably correct. Any guy who would willingly stay away from a girl- a woman- like Bella Swan had to be a dickhole.

It was no secret to those that knew me best that I'd had a thing for Bella since we were kids. Even though I only saw her during her brief summer visits with Charlie, she had fascinated me as long as I could remember. It wasn't just that she was beautiful, it was everything about her- her warmth, her sense of humor, her completely unselfish nature. I'd never met anyone so determined to put others' happiness before her own. She had been my first love, and when I fell, I fell hard. Seth and his older sister Leah, my adopted siblings, loved to tease me about my infatuation with Bella, but even they didn't know deep my feelings ran. Only my dad really understood, and he had always wished that Bella was around more often. Even though Bella never paid me much mind back then, my dad seemed to sense possibilities between us. It had given me hope. Then he died, and the only person who ever believed I had a shot with her was gone.

I suddenly realized that my thoughts were turning pretty fucking morose, so I tried to shake it off as I finished getting dressed. I looked in the mirror, frowning at my shaggy hair, and tried slicking it down with water. I had it patted down and parted when I discovered that it just made me look like a complete tool. I scowled and ran my hands back through the thick locks until they were sticking out in every direction again. "Fuck it."

I locked up the house and ran through the light morning drizzle to my garage. It was basically just a big clapboard structure that held three cars- two junkers in various stages of repair, and my pride and joy, a 1970 Dodge Challenger that I restored myself and painted a sweet shade of yellow. Since I'd left Bella's truck at the shop the night before, I had the opportunity to roll up in style. I pulled out of my drive and headed for Forks. I couldn't help it- even knowing that she was taken, I was still excited to see her.

Even with me showing up fifteen minutes early, she was already there, parked on the side of the building next to Seth's old F-150. I pulled up on her other side and she rolled down her window, eyeing my car with undisguised admiration.

"Wow, Jacob, that's an awesome car," she called. Then she paused, and looked slightly embarrassed. "I have to admit I'm not sure what it is, but I like it."

I laughed. "It's a Dodge Challenger," I told her as I got out and locked the door. "They don't make them like this anymore." I leaned down and passed her an umbrella through the window. "I brought you this just in case. I wasn't sure if you had one, and it looks like it's going to rain most of the day."

"Thanks," she replied, smiling her genuine, sweet-natured Bella smile, and I felt a funny tremor shoot through my stomach. Calm it down, Black, I cautioned myself.

"Let me get your truck, and we can head out." I jogged briskly around back and opened the garage door. Bella's truck was inside, cleaned up, gassed, and ready to go. I'd even changed the oil and refilled all the fluids, although that probably could have waited. Seth, of course, had to bust my balls about all the trouble I was going to for my old crush.

I pulled the truck out, closed the garage behind me, and then pulled around to Bella. I decided to let her go ahead of me, since I wasn't exactly sure where the car rental was. I made trips up there on occasion to look for parts, but I didn't know it like the back of my hand the way I did Forks and La Push.

Bella headed out of town, and I trailed her rented Nissan, wishing I could be with her on the drive. To fill the silence I turned the radio on to my favorite rock station. Before long I was drumming out the rhythm to Mudvayne's "Scream With Me" on the steering wheel.

It pissed and poured the entire way to Port Angeles, and I didn't hold out much hope for a return to the sun of the day before. I figured Bella was probably hating things right about now. She never did care much for Forks weather.

My suspicions were confirmed when we reached the parking lot at Enterprise. I watched Bella stick the umbrella through her car door and open it before getting out, an irritated scowl on her face. I laughed quietly as I watched her sprint to the front door, hunching down inside her light blue jacket.

She reappeared a few minutes later and hurried to the truck, clutching the umbrella for dear life. I had already slid over to the passenger side, and I reached over and opened the driver's side door for her. She dove in, shaking the umbrella out briefly before closing it.

"Stupid ass rain," she muttered, and I chuckled.

"Better get used to it, Bells," I said teasingly.

She whipped her head around to look at me. "What did you call me?"

"I called you Bells." I mentally smacked myself for using her old nickname. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay," she said quickly. "Really. It's just that Charlie's the only one who's ever called me that."

"That's where I picked it up from. I'm glad you don't mind."

"Not at all," she replied, smiling a little. "It's…nice."

We looked at each other for a minute, and I realized that I really didn't want our time together to end just yet.

"Are you hungry?" I blurted out.

"Starving. I didn't eat breakfast."

"Me either. Wanna grab something before we drive back?"

She nodded. "Sounds good." She turned the key in the ignition and prepared to pull out of the lot. "Where to?"

"I don't come up here much, so your guess is as good as mine. Let's just drive and see what we see."

So that's what we did, driving through the tourist area of Port Angeles until we spotted a little diner on the corner. Bella parked the truck across the street from it and we ran through the downpour.

The hostess seated us in small corner booth and handed us both menus. Luckily, they were still serving breakfast. I skimmed the choices, looking for the biggest selection I could find as my stomach growled in frustration. I made up my mind just as our waitress came by to take our order.

"What can I get you two?" she asked pleasantly, including both of us, although she made an obvious show of staring at me.

I tried to divert her attention by nodding to Bella. "You first," I said.

Bella glanced up and took in the way the waitress hardly looked at her. "I'll have the Belgian waffle and a coffee, please."

She scribbled quickly on her pad and took Bella's menu before turning back to me with a thousand-watt smile. "And for you?"

"I'll get the pancake combo, eggs sunny-side-up, with bacon. Oh, and an large orange juice."

"I'll put that in for you and be right back."

After she was gone, Bella looked at me and smirked. "She wasn't too subtle, was she?" she asked, clearly amused.

"I guess not." I shrugged. "I'm not sure why."

She stared at me, open-mouthed. "You're joking, right?"

Really, I wasn't. I never gave much thought to my appearance or how it affected the opposite sex. Honestly, with my shaggy hair and generally grease-stained clothes, I figured I looked like a scrub. I did acknowledge that my body was pretty toned, but I hit the gym mostly for the stress-relief, not because I gave a shit about my looks.

"I equate female interest in me to a lack of other options," I joked. "Why, are you saying you think I'm attractive?"

I meant it to be humorous, but Bella blushed beet red and was suddenly very interested in her silverware. I felt a thrill of hope shoot though me, and tried to smother it.

Boyfriend, remember, Jake?

I suddenly remembered seeing Edward Cullen on the cover of Architectural Digest a few months back, looking more like a GQ model than an architect- a well-dressed pretty boy with hair that was meant to look messy but that probably took a least half an hour to style every morning. If that was the kind of man Bella Swan was attracted to, then I couldn't imagine what she would see in someone like me.

Bella was still blushing furiously and toying with her fork. I reached across the table and lightly touched the back of her hand. She jumped.

"I didn't mean to embarrass you," I said, still wondering about the strength of her reaction to what I'd said.

"I know," she mumbled. Then she laughed softly. "I find it hard to believe that you can be so humble, though."

I stared at her for a moment, mystified. Apparently she really did see something she liked, boyfriend or not. It was the kind of thing that could easily go to my head if I wasn't careful. I was going to have to do my best to remember that she belonged to someone else.

********

Surprisingly, it wasn't raining when we left the diner. There was a small break in the clouds, the feeble sunshine trying to make the most of what little time it had. Bella glanced briefly at her truck, and then back at me.

"You mind taking a little walk? I saw a bookstore a few blocks down, and I have a feeling I'm going to need some new reading material while I'm at Charlie's. I doubt he's going to let me get any use out of the TV." She rolled her eyes.

I grinned in response. "Probably not. It's baseball season."

She groaned dramatically. "Baseball. Blech."

We walked side by side on our way to the bookstore, sharing a comfortable silence. Unlike most people, Bella didn't seem to feel the need to fill every second with meaningless chit-chat. Even though I loved the sound of her voice, it was also nice just to be in her presence without conversation. It gave me a chance to really study her.

She was so beautiful, and the best part was, she had no idea. Bella thought I was humble when it came to my looks, but she was ten times worse. She was in plain denial. I didn't understand how she could look in the mirror every day and not see how gorgeous she was. I wondered what she would think if she knew how badly I wanted to bury my hands in her thick dark hair and kiss the hell out of those perfect lips. Fuck Edward Cullen and the horse he rode in on.

We reached the little bookstore and Bella went immediately to the fiction section, while I lingered back, looking at the non-fiction. I wasn't a huge reader, but when I did crack a book it was usually either historical non-fiction, or something on cars. I found something on World War II that looked interesting, and started skimming through it.

After a couple of minutes I looked up to see what Bella was doing. She had her back to me, and was kneeling down to look at some books on a low shelf. Her jacket had ridden up her back a bit, exposing a band of smooth, pale skin. As she leaned over further, her jeans slipped an inch or two, revealing a strip of light pink fabric.

I'd be damned if Bella wasn't wearing a thong.

I hadn't figured her for a thong kind of woman. The clash between that and her casual, dressed-down jeans and t-shirt was enough to get me instantly hard.

Except that I wasn't being entirely honest with myself. Yes, that combination alone was hot, but if it had been any other woman, I would have taken a gander and then moved on. But this was Bella, the girl I'd been fantasizing about for the last ten-plus years. Everything about her got me excited- this was too much.

I stared, unable to look away as she stretched again and the thong rose higher out of her jeans. I knew she had no idea, or she wouldn't still be bent over. Bella wasn't the type to flash someone her underwear. I kept telling myself that I should look away, but I didn't. My cock strained painfully against the constriction of my jeans as I imagined how her ass would feel under my hands. Cool off, Jake, I told myself. What was I, fucking fourteen? This was beginning to get ridiculous.

Only the fear of Bella turning around and catching me pitching a tent was enough to make me look away. I quickly strolled into another aisle and faced the rows of books, trying to think of something- anything- to make my erection subside. In my head, I started reciting the correct way to flush a radiator. Ah, much better.

As soon as I got myself together, I rejoined Bella. She had two books in her hands and was on her way to the register.

"Ready to endure game nights at Charlie's now?" I asked, trying to keep my voice light and my thoughts away from what I'd just seen.

"Yeah. Now I won't have to pretend to give a crap about the Mariners."

I waited while Bella paid for her books, and then we hurried quickly back to the truck. The clouds were already closing back in, and I knew Bella wouldn't want to be caught without her umbrella if it started raining again.

We made it with time to spare- it didn't start sprinkling again until we were back on the highway. Bella turned the radio on, and smiled when she took note of the music playing.

"I'll have to keep it on this station. All I found on the drive up was country or top forty stuff," she said.

"Really? I didn't think you would like rock."

"I love it. Edward can't stand it. He's more of a classical person. I like certain songs, but not to the extent he does. So we usually just don't listen to music together."

"That sucks," I said honestly, before I thought better of it. "I mean, it just seems like you guys don't have much in common."

Bella frowned. "We don't, really."

"I'm sorry," I replied, and I really meant it. As much as I might have wished that Edward Cullen would jump off a cliff, I hated to think of Bella being unhappy. From the things she kept telling me, it seemed like that might be a distinct possibility.

Bella sighed, and then turned to look at me briefly, her brown eyes speculative. "Thanks, Jake." The she looked back at the road, and said, in a softer voice, "You're so easy to talk to."

I felt that little thrill shoot through me again.

We were quiet after that, once more enjoying comfortable silence as we listened to the radio. The drive back to Forks was over way too soon. I would have been happy spending the entire day with Bella, but I knew she'd be heading back to Charlie's.

We pulled into the shop's parking lot, and Bella parked in front this time. I collected my only belonging in the vehicle- a half empty bottle of Vitamin Water that I'd brought with me from the house that morning. I quickly chugged the rest of it, noticing that Bella was looking at me with an amused smile.

I lowered the empty bottle and replaced the cap. "What?"

"Vitamin Water? How can you drink that stuff? It tastes like piss."

"It does not," I muttered. "Plus, it's good for you. Essential vitamins and minerals, and all that."

Bella guffawed. "Are you serious?"

"What? I'm sorry I'm not drinking some homemade herbal crap. Way to stereotype, Bella," I retorted, trying to suppress a grin. I couldn't believe she was actually trying to bust my balls about my beverage choice.

"You're right, I'm really sorry," she said, still giggling.

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly. "Sure, sure."

She calmed down, though her eyes were still bright with humor. "It was really good seeing you, Jake."

"You too," I replied, a bit more earnestly than I intended. "Don't be a stranger while you're here."

"I won't." I saw her hesitate for a second, as if she was debating what to do next. Then she suddenly leaned over and put her arms around me.

I reacted instinctively, folding my arms around her for the brief embrace. Her soft, silky hair brushed my cheek, and I was assaulted by the sweet smell of strawberries- her shampoo or something. She felt soft and warm in my arms, and I hated that she pulled away so soon. She held my gaze as she did so, and her expression looked confused.

"I'll see you later, Jacob," she said softly.

"See you." I hopped out of the truck and closed the door, stepping back so she could pull out of the spot. I watched her drive away, replaying her impulsive hug over and over again in my mind, and I knew then that I was completely and utterly fucked.

Because Edward Cullen or no Edward Cullen, I was falling hard for Bella Swan, all over again.

**So, we now know that the reason Jacob was acting a little funny in the last chapter is because he's _always_ had strong feelings for Bella. And, as you can tell, Bella is having her own doubts about her relationship with Edward. Now is when things start getting good. ;)**

**As always, please review if you liked this chapter!  
**


	5. Chapter 4

**So we're back to Bella's POV this week. I'm trying to give Jacob and Bella two distinctly different voices, which is a little challenging. You'll have to let me know how I'm doing in that regard. **

**As always, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.  
**

Chapter 4- BPOV

It started raining harder again as I drove back to Charlie's, and even with the wipers going full blast, I still had to lean forward and squint through the windshield. Unaccustomed as I was to driving in the rain, it took every bit of my concentration to keep the truck in a straight line. I welcomed the distraction- it kept me from replaying my outing with Jacob over and over in my head.

Until I got to the house, that was. I plopped down on Charlie's old couch and stared at the blank television, my thoughts drifting back to our late breakfast at the diner, and the way our waitress had ogled Jake the entire time we were there. She'd been a very pretty girl, and I was surprised at my own flash of jealousy. I tried to tell myself that I was just angry that she was staring like that when, for all she knew, Jacob and I could have been together. After all, it didn't make sense for me to be truly _jealous. _I wasn't interested in Jacob…was I?

I recalled his joke about finding him attractive, and how, instead of lightly laughing it off, I had blushed like a buffoon. I groaned, leaning my head back against the soft cushion of Charlie's couch. Of course I found him attractive. A nun would have a hard time not being attracted to Jake. What had me flustered was that I couldn't just accept that he was a great-looking guy and move on; no, I had to keep thinking about him, even going so far as to make excuses to prolong our time together. What the hell was wrong with me?

Then I had hugged him. I'd acted completely on impulse. He was just so easy to talk to, to relate to, and I couldn't stop myself from throwing my arms around him. I'd probably given him the wrong impression.

"I am not interested in Jacob Black," I said aloud. "I love Edward."

The latter was still true, despite the fact that I was a little upset with him at the moment. He hadn't called me back until later the night before, long after I'd finished my grocery trip. I had made myself a grilled chicken Caesar salad and was sitting down to eat when my cell finally rang.

"Nice to hear from you," I said dryly, a little peeved that he'd taken so long to return my call.

"Bella, have you lost your mind?" Edward growled on the other end of the line.

"Hi, Edward, yes, I'm fine, my flight was great. Charlie's doing really well. Thanks for asking."

"We'll talk about all that in a minute. What the hell do you mean, you bought a truck from some mechanic?"

"It's a great truck," I gushed, grinning as I thought about my new purchase. "It has a lot of…personality."

"In other words, it's a piece of shit. It has to be, if you could afford to just write a check for it then and there. I was going to buy you a new car as soon as you got home."

Even though I'd been expected this kind of reaction from Edward, it still pissed me off. "I didn't _want _you to buy me a new car. You would have picked out something way too expensive for my taste, something I could never pay for myself in a million years."

"So? I like to take care of you, what's wrong with that?" he asked, sounding exasperated.

"I don't need you to take care of me, Edward. I have a job. And now I have a car." I sighed. "Besides, it feels wrong- having you support me."

His tone softened a little. "Why?"

Without meaning to, I let slip something that had been bothering me for awhile- ever since we moved in together. "It wouldn't bother me quite as much if were married or at least engaged, but…" I sighed quietly. "We're not."

"Why does that matter? I love you, you love me. I never realized marriage was important to you."

"I never realized it wasn't important to you," I snapped. Then I forced myself to take a deep breath. This conversation was heading in a direction I hadn't intended. "To be honest, it's not that I'm necessarily gung-ho on getting married right now, it's just that I don't feel comfortable having you spend all this money on me when I'm just your girlfriend."

"You're not 'just my girlfriend,' Bella," Edward said quietly. "You mean more to me than that."

"Do I?" I asked, just as quietly.

Edward's voice sounded pained. "Yes. I love you."

I wiped the sudden moisture from my eyes. This discussion had somehow taken the same turn as our talk the morning Charlie had called about his surgery. I didn't care much for it, especially since we were supposed to be putting all this to rest until I got home.

"I love you, too, Edward. Let's just drop it, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed reluctantly. "How were you planning to get the truck home?"

"Driving it, of course."

"That's a _really _long drive, Bella. I could have it shipped for you. Or is that spending too much?" I couldn't tell if he was teasing or not.

"I'd rather drive, I think. You know I hate flying, anyway."

Edward was silent for a moment, and I had no idea what he was thinking. "Okay," he finally said.

"Just okay?"

"It's getting late here, love. I need to get some sleep. I'll call you tomorrow night, sometime. I love you."

"I love you, too," I replied softly. "Goodnight."

After we hung up, I tried picking at my salad but realized I didn't have much of an appetite anymore. I'd ended up putting most of it back in the fridge.

Which was also part of why I'd been so ravenous this morning. And I was going to _keep _telling myself that hunger was my only motivation for agreeing to Jacob's breakfast invitation. Even though I knew it wasn't.

I was also going to keep telling myself that I was perfectly happy in my relationship with Edward. Even though I knew I wasn't.

I started crying as I suddenly realized that he never had asked about Charlie.

********

The next day passed by slowly, with me spending most of it lounging around Charlie's house, reading or watching some occasional television. Alice called and set up a visit for the following week. I hoped that I would be able to leave Charlie in the house alone by then. I honestly wasn't sure to what degree he would be incapacitated. From the way he talked, he just wasn't going to be able to drive anywhere or do any strenuous activity, but until he got home I wouldn't really know for certain.

He was discharged the following morning. I picked him up, finding him in good spirits.

"You seem like you're doing great," I told him.

"Of course I'm great, I'm getting the hell out of here!" He glanced back at the nurse pushing his wheelchair with a sheepish smile. "No offense."

"None taken," she replied cheerfully. "I don't blame you, the food's horrendous."

"Speaking of food," I said, "I'm making homemade lasagna tonight to welcome you home."

"That sounds real good, Bells." Charlie looked at me fondly. "It's going to be nice having you around. And not just for the food."

"Thanks, Dad."

We reached the exit and Charlie transferred himself from the wheelchair to the sturdy metal walker he was taking home. "If it was just the one knee I could get by with crutches," he grumbled. "It had to be both."

"How long do you think you'll need it?" I asked.

"Just until I can handle bearing all my weight on both knees, so the doctor says. It depends. Hopefully I can ditch it in a couple weeks, if not sooner. And I can drive again not too long after that. Maybe this won't be as bad as I thought."

"Well, I'm here, regardless. Don't rush it, okay, Dad?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, ma'am."

Charlie did pretty well with the walker. I hadn't been sure what I was expecting, but he seemed to be doing better than I'd anticipated. It was a bit of a relief- I wasn't particularly confident in my home nursing abilities. We kept a slow but steady pace to the truck, and then I helped Charlie into the passenger seat before stowing his walker in the back.

Charlie bent his knees slightly with a groan as he settled himself in the truck. "My biggest thing is to work on my range of motion," he told me. "I've got exercises to do at home, and then I need to go in twice a week for the next three weeks for physical therapy."

"Here?"

"Yeah, there's a PT center- they put me down for Tuesdays and Thursdays at three." He looked around the truck and chuckled. "I haven't been inside this old thing in years. Billy always used to drive when we went fishing." His eyes turned wistful as he remembered his old friend.

"You miss him a lot, don't you," I said softly.

"Yeah," he replied gruffly. "Harry, too." He stared out the window for a few minutes, thoughtful. I waited to see if he would continue.

"You know, with everything he went through, losing both Billy and Harry, it's a good thing Jacob had Sue around- she's such a strong woman. She's been a rock for those kids."

I wasn't sure if I trusted myself to say anything about Jacob- not after yesterday, and not after the way Charlie had teased me about him the day I got into town. I wondered if that had anything to do with his bringing him up again. I suspected that Charlie was still entertaining the idea of playing matchmaker. I decided to play it safe for the moment, and direct his focus to the biological Clearwater kids instead.

"So I saw Seth the other day at Jacob's shop. He seems to be doing pretty well. How's Leah?" I barely remembered Leah. The only things that came to mind was that she was a couple of years older than me, and gorgeous- or at least she had been.

"Leah's good. She still lives in La Push. She got married a few years ago and has a couple of kids. A little girl and a new baby boy." I was little taken aback by that news- even at twenty-seven, it was still strange for me to think of people I knew as a kid being parents.

"I don't think you ever met the guy she married- she was dating him during your last summer here, but you didn't know the Clearwaters all that well, so I don't think you would have seen him," Charlie continued. "He's actually works here in Forks as the fire marshal."

"Sounds like she's doing pretty well, then," I replied.

We didn't speak for a minute, and then Charlie glanced at me and grinned slyly. "So are you going to see Jacob anymore while you're here?"

"Dad! Give it a rest, okay? And I didn't "see" Jacob, like it was a date or something. He took me to return the rental, that's all." I hadn't mentioned breakfast or the bookstore to Charlie, and I decided I wasn't going to. "What exactly do you have against Edward, anyway?"

"It's nothing personal, honey. He seems nice enough, and he's definitely been successful in his career, but I just…I don't think he's right for you, Bells." Charlie eyed me thoughtfully. "And the last few times I've talked to you on the phone, you haven't sounded very happy."

Jesus, was I this transparent to everyone? First Jacob picking up on Edward and I not having much in common, and now Charlie noticing that I was unhappy. I always _tried _to sound upbeat when he called, but apparently I wasn't doing a very good job.

Charlie took in my disgruntled expression. "We don't have to talk about if you don't want to," he said. "Just know that I'm here to listen if you need me."

"Okay, Dad. I'd just rather not get into it right now, if that's okay."

"Fair enough."

We had reached the house by then, and I got Charlie's walker out of the back and brought it around. We walked slowly up to the front door, but I had to admit that he was getting around better than I had hoped.

"Home sweet home," Charlie sighed, lowering himself gingerly to the couch. With a little effort he swung his legs up, and I grabbed a throw pillow to put under his feet. "Thanks, hon," he said, smiling at me.

"I'm just going to start dinner. Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine. Stop hovering like a mother hen," he told me, but his voice held a teasing note. "Get that lasagna ready, I'm starving after being in that place. I bet they serve better food in prison."

I laughed. "Probably so." I headed into the kitchen, chuckling softly as I heard Charlie turn on ESPN. What a shocker.

I'd prepared the lasagna before I left to pick up Charlie, so all I had to was pop it in the oven. While I waited for it to bake, I got on Charlie's computer and checked my email. There was one from Edward, which surprised me. As I clicked on the message, I wondered why he hadn't just called.

_Bella-_

_Been busy as hell the last 2 days. I'm waiting on my client so I thought I'd say hi. I hope everything is going well with Charlie. Talk to you soon._

_Love you._

_Edward_

Well, that was nice and personal, I thought grumpily. I debated on whether or not to email him back, and decided that I would just call him later. I would probably get his voicemail- again. Maybe I should talk to Charlie, after all. It couldn't hurt to get someone else's opinion, even if it _was_ the overly-biased opinion of a protective father.

When the lasagna was done Charlie and I ate in the living room. I didn't want to make him hobble into the kitchen, and he wanted to watch the start of the Mariner's game, as I'd known he would. I pretended to be interested in it until we finished eating, and then I escaped to do the dishes. When I returned, I brought one of my new books back with me.

Charlie looked at the book in my hand. "Sorry, Bells, I know you're not much of a sports person. We can watch something else."

"It's fine, Dad. I've been looking forward to reading this, anyway."

I curled up in the old recliner in the corner and started reading. As I did, I realized how peaceful and cozy the evening had become- so much better than it ever was at home. Many nights I occupied the condo by myself until Edward made it in for a late dinner, if he was even in town at all- and when he was home, he was usually busy in his office or on his laptop. It was very rare that we sat in the same room together just enjoying the evening. Even though Charlie was watching TV while I read, it was still so much more comfortable and relaxing than what I was used to. The thought was a little unsettling.

I made it through two chapters of my book before the doorbell rang. Charlie and I both looked up at the sound.

"Expecting anyone?" I asked.

He shook his head, and I went to answer the door, wondering who it might be.

I was surprised to find Jacob Black standing on the front porch, holding a metal tin. He was wearing a clean pair of jeans and a dark green button down shirt, and he looked incredible, as usual. I wondered if he always changed clothes before going home after work, or if he did it just because he was coming here. I decided I wouldn't have cared if he _had_ shown up covered in oil and grease. My pleasure at seeing him again shocked me. He flashed me his beautiful, sunny smile and I grinned back.

"How's it going, Bells? How's the truck?" I felt my stomach tremble a little as he drawled out my old nickname in his husky voice, and I knew I was still beaming like an idiot.

"I'm good, and so is the truck," I replied. "So what brings you by?"

"Well, I figured Charlie was probably coming home today, and I wanted to stop by and see how he was doing. Plus Sue wanted me to bring him this." He held up the tin.

"Well, come in," I said hastily, flushing as I realized I should have said that already. I stepped back to allow him to pass by me. Even after a day of work, he smelled as good as I remembered- his manly, woodsy scent just barely tinged with the faint odor of motor oil. The other day the oil had been absent, and in its place had been the smell of soap and shampoo- a fresh-out-of-the-shower smell. I stopped myself before the thought of Jacob _in _the shower could fully form itself in my head.

"Hey, Charlie, how're you feeling?" Jacob asked as he walked into the living room.

"Not too bad, actually. It's good to see you, Jake." Charlie smiled in genuine pleasure, and I realized then just how much he really liked Jacob. No wonder he kept dropping hints. "Have a seat." He started to swing his legs down to give Jacob a spot on the couch, but Jacob waved him off.

"You're fine where you're at. I can't stay, unfortunately. I promised Sue I'd make it over for dinner tonight. She wanted me to drop these off for you, though." He handed the tin to Charlie. "It's some of her apricot nectar cake. She knows how much you like it."

Charlie rubbed his stomach and groaned. "It sounds great, but it might have to wait until tomorrow. I was so hungry from coming off that hospital diet that I think I overdid it on Bella's lasagna. Tell Sue thank you for me. I really appreciate it." His eyes held a soft light in them when he spoke of Sue, and I remembered his earlier praise of her on the way home. I suddenly wondered if there was more between him and Sue than a mere friendship. I fervently hoped so. Charlie needed someone in his life.

Jacob glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and winked, nodding minutely in Charlie's direction. Then he clapped his hands together. "Well, I better get going. I'll make sure to pass along your thanks to Sue. She would have stopped by, too, but she's babysitting for Leah tonight. I'm supposed to be helping." He grinned. "That translates to having a four-year-old use me as a human punching bag."

"Well, maybe we can all get together once I'm getting around a little better," Charlie said.

"Sounds good. We're expecting you for the forth, regardless."

"We'll be there." Charlie naturally included me, and I realized how that good that made me feel. It suddenly occurred to me that I wasn't in any particular hurry to leave Forks, and that was definitely something to think about.

I walked Jake out, eager to grill him about Sue and Charlie.

"So what was that wink about?" I asked. "Is there something between Sue and my dad?"

Jacob grinned. "You noticed too? Seth and Leah and I joke about it all the time. Wait until you see them together. They're crazy about each other, but they're both too nervous to really take the leap. They've been circling around it for the last year. We're all waiting for them to finally give in and make it official." He shook his head. "I think Sue feels like maybe it's still too soon, you know, after Harry. But none of us would fault her for it- and she couldn't find a better man than Charlie."

I smiled at the praise for my father. "I would love to see Charlie in a relationship again. Even I can admit he's carried a torch for my mom long enough."

Jake leaned against his car. "So will you still be here on the forth? You really should experience a good old Quileute shindig before you go back to Phoenix."

"I'm planning on it. I'm sure Charlie's going to keep me around as long as he can. Not that I mind."

"Good. It's been so long since I've seen you…" he trailed off, as if he'd said more than he intended. I waited for him to continue, more anxious than I should have been. "Well, it'll just be nice to have you there," he finished sincerely.

I stood looking at him in the semi-darkness, and that same intense expression was back on his face- the look he'd worn briefly my first day back in Forks. I could feel myself coming undone as I allowed myself to stare into his dark eyes, and I wondered what it would feel like to have those amazing lips against my own. My heart was beating a little faster than usual, and that tremble was back in my stomach again. I looked away with difficulty, once more feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush.

Except I wasn't a schoolgirl, and Jacob wasn't a boy. He was a man, and I was all too keenly aware of that fact.

_This is bad. This is very bad._

**Ah, Bella is starting to realize just how attracted she is to Jake =) That will continue to unfold even more in the next chapter...and we can also look forward to a visit from Alice, who will have some insights of her own. Please review! I always love feedback!**_  
_


	6. Chapter 5

**So, I'm back- with apologies that it took so long to get this chapter posted. Unfortunately, I haven't had much time to write the last two weeks. On a positive note, though- spending more time with this chapter ending up spawning a couple of things that I didn't have in my original outline. I think it actually ended up much better, so I hope you all enjoy it! And rest assured that even if I take a little longer between updates at times, I still plan on finishing this story and will update as often as possible.**

**Many thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, and those that have added this story to their alerts/favorites. You guys are my motivation!**

**As always, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

Chapter 5- BPOV

The dream started off innocently enough. I was walking barefoot through the sand at First Beach in La Push, wearing a short, gauzy sundress. The sun was actually out, and it felt good on my bare arms and shoulders. I hummed a little as I strolled along, enjoying the beautiful day and the view of the huge rock formations protruding from the water far offshore.

Then, very suddenly, it began to get dark- not just cloud cover, but the approach of evening. In a matter of moments it was pitch black on the beach. Without the sun to warm me, I began to shiver. I looked in all directions, hoping to see signs of light to help me find my way back. I caught a faint glimpse of what looked like a fire in the distance, and began to walk toward it.

When I got closer I realized it was huge a driftwood fire, the multi-colored flames shooting up into the darkness. There was a man crouched in the sand next to it, although he was still too far away to see clearly. I knew that I should be wary of approaching a strange man on a beach alone at night, but for some reason I felt no fear. I continued forward, my footsteps quickening at the promise of warmth.

I was little more than ten feet from the fire when the man finally looked up. "Hello, Bella. I've been waiting for you." His dark eyes gleamed in the light of the flames.

It was Jacob.

"What are you doing out here?" I asked, walking closer.

"I could ask you the same question," he replied, chuckling. "But I know the answer. You were looking for me."

As strange as it sounded, I knew he was right. I'd come to the beach to look for him, without even realizing what I was looking for. I'd been seeking warmth- not of the sun, or the fire, but his warmth. It emanated from him as he sat there.

"Come here," he said huskily, and I felt my legs tremble even as they carried me the remaining distance to his spot by the fire. I sat next to him on the sand, stretching my chilly feet toward the blaze.

"You must be cold," Jacob said, smiling. But it wasn't his normal, sunny smile- this was a variation, a smile that promised "other" things. He reached his hand out and ran his fingers lightly over the bare skin of my knee. "I can keep you warm."

I shivered, and not from the cold. I leaned forward in anticipation, and in the next moment I felt Jacob's lips touch mine. I immediately opened my mouth in response and met his tongue with my own. I felt his arms snake around me, and the next thing I knew, I was straddling his lap. His strong hands moved up the backs of my thighs, pushing my short dress higher and higher. He broke away from our kiss and looked down with a soft groan. I followed his gaze and realized with some surprise that I wasn't wearing any underwear. Jacob grinned.

"Oh, Bells, you have no idea the things I'm going to do to you."

Beep. Beep. Beep.

What the hell?

My eyes snapped open, and I realized the sound I heard was the beeping of my alarm clock. I reached over groggily and turned it off, then lay on my back with my arm flung over my eyes. My breath still came in pants and there was a suspicious wetness between my legs. I cringed in embarrassment, although I wasn't sure why. People had sex dreams all the time, and it wasn't like anyone knew I'd just had a hot dream about…Jacob Black.

I groaned out loud. This wasn't good at all. It wasn't like I'd gone the entire length of my relationship with Edward without ever having an erotic dream about someone else, but in the past, the man in question had always been a celebrity or someone like that, not anyone I knew personally. Having a dream like that about Jacob was definitely a different matter, altogether.

There was also the full content of the dream to consider. It hasn't been purely about sex- I'd felt drawn to Jacob, to the warmth and sincerity that permeated his entire being. It mirrored the way I felt about him in reality. I was attracted to him, and I did feel connection with him, no matter what I tried to tell myself.

"Oh, fuck me," I swore softly. I didn't come all the way to Forks to further complicate my life.

My real reason for being in Forks knocked on my door at that exact moment.

"Bells? Can I come in?"

"Sure, Dad."

He opened the door and shuffled in slowly, stiffly, but without his walker. In the past couple of days he'd gotten to the point of being able to walk short distances without help. I was really impressed with his progress, and so was his physical therapist. It was beginning to look like Charlie might not necessarily need me as long as he had thought. Which actually bothered me- I was enjoying spending time with him.

"Morning, honey," he said, yawning. "Did you say something a second ago?"

"Nope," I lied. "I just woke up"

"So when's Alice supposed to get here?"

If Edward was never Charlie's favorite person, the opposite could be said about his bubbly, energetic sister. Charlie adored Alice. He'd only had the opportunity to see her in person on a few occasions (though they stayed in touch via Facebook- how Alice managed to get Charlie on a social networking site was beyond even me) but he had thought she was wonderful from day one. Not that it really surprised me. I had yet to meet a person who disliked Alice Cullen.

"She was planning to leave pretty early, so I'm guessing ten, ten-thirty." I had set my alarm for eight so I'd have plenty of time to get a shower, have breakfast, and do a final sweep of the house. I noticed that Charlie was already dressed. As long as he stood still, you'd never guess he was recovering from major surgery. He looked very well-rested.

I stood up and stretched with a yawn. "I'm going to hop in the shower. You need help getting downstairs?" That, thankfully, hadn't been nearly the ordeal I'd feared.

"No, I'll be fine. And the walker's already downstairs," he reminded me. Now that he was able to do without it for short shuffles, he'd insisted I leave it downstairs permanently.

I gathered up my toiletries and headed for the bathroom, waiting until I heard Charlie in the kitchen before I started the shower. I liked to make sure he made it down the stairs okay, at any rate.

I basked in the spray of hot water as I replayed my dream again. I couldn't stop thinking about it, even though I should. I wondered if Jacob was as good a kisser in real life as he was in my dream. I imagined how it would feel to be touched with those broad, dexterous mechanic's hands. I thought about how smooth his skin would feel under my fingertips.

"Damn it, Bella!" I growled at myself. "Do I need to turn on the cold water?"

I forced myself to think of other things as I finished shampooing my hair, and hurried to get dressed and get downstairs. I grinned as I thought about what Alice would say about my wardrobe. I was sure that my jeans and plain, flat sandals wouldn't cut it for my fashion plate of a best friend.

Charlie was at the kitchen table when I came downstairs, drinking coffee and eating a bagel, his nose buried in the newspaper.

"Anything interesting?" I asked as I poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Not really. Unless you want me to go over the sports section for you," he teased.

"Yeah, no thanks." I eyed his bagel. "I was going to make breakfast. You want something hot?"

"Some eggs sound good, if you don't mind."

"Not at all." I grabbed the carton of eggs and a package of shredded cheese from the fridge. Fried eggs for Charlie, and an omelet for me. I decided to throw a few slices of bacon in the microwave to save time. When the food was done, Charlie and I ate in companionable silence- he continued to read the paper, and I leafed through a catalogue that had come in the mail. Once again, I was struck by how peaceful my days in Forks had become.

Even if I was occasionally (okay, more than occasionally) distracted by thoughts of a certain local mechanic.

After breakfast, Charlie drifted off to the living room, and I washed the few dishes we used and put them away, making sure the kitchen was clean. I was still wiping off the kitchen table when I heard the doorbell ring. I glanced at the clock- 9:45. Predictably, she was early.

I folded the rag over the edge of the sink and went to answer the door. Charlie was in the process of stiffly rising to his feet.

"Dad, sit down," I scolded. "Alice knows you're still recovering."

He snorted. "I'm not such an invalid that I can't stand up to greet a guest in my own damn house."

I rolled my eyes good-naturedly. "Fine."

I opened the door and barely had time to say, "Hi, Alice," before I was assaulted by an exuberant hug.

"It's so great to see you, Bella!" she cried, pulling back to kiss my cheek. "We have to start getting together more. I hate that I only get to spend the day here. Maybe I can come back, or you can come to Seattle before you go home," she continued.

I laughed. "Okay, okay, I will."

She looked around me to peek at Charlie. "Hi, Charlie, how are you feeling?" she asked, going over to give him a hug. He bent slightly at the waist to embrace her tiny frame.

"I'm doing pretty well, actually."

"That's what Bella said. I'm so glad."

We made our way into the living room, Charlie sinking back down into his recliner and putting his feet up. Alice and I sat on the couch, and I couldn't help but shake my head at her designer sundress and strappy sandals- some high-end brand, I was sure, not that I knew much about that sort of thing. "You're going to stick out like a sore thumb, Alice."

She glanced down at herself, and then back up at me. "You think?"

I nodded emphatically. "This is Forks. Most people around here get their good clothes from Sears."

She made a face. "Oh my God, where am I?" Then she laughed. "I can handle it for a day. And Forks can just consider me an introduction to their fashion education." She sighed as she took in my clothes. "You could use some of that too, you know. At least you're wearing something besides Converse."

"Hey, I have a pair upstairs if you want me to get them."

"Ha, ha, very funny." Switching subjects, she asked, "How's my brother? I haven't talked to him much lately."

"Edward's fine," I said. "He's really busy with this new casino deal. I don't really get to talk to him much either." My voice came out much flatter than I'd intended, and Alice immediately picked up on it.

"Uh oh, what's wrong?" she asked, concern lacing her tone. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlie pretending to be very interested in what was on the TV.

"Um…we'll talk about it at lunch. Promise."

Alice raised an eyebrow, and I inclined my head slightly in Charlie's direction. Even though I now knew that Charlie suspected how unhappy I was, I still didn't want to get into all the details with him yet, especially since he would be only too happy to throw Edward under the bus. I also didn't dare say anything about Jacob in my dad's presence. It was going to be uncomfortable enough discussing everything with Alice. For the first time, I cursed the fact that my best friend and sounding board was also my boyfriend's sister. I only hoped that Alice could be objective. If I'd had any other close female friends, I probably would have gone to one of them first, but I'd never been the type to make friends easily. So Alice it was.

Thankfully, she steered the conversation to safer topics until it was time for us to leave for lunch- Carlisle's latest award from the hospital, the house that Emmett and his wife Rosalie were renovating (with Esme's help, of course), the new clothing line she had ordered for fall, and most importantly, the new guy she dating, a musician named Jasper. When noon rolled around we bid Charlie a temporary goodbye and headed into town in Alice's sleek black BMW. I felt as if I could practically feel the stares the car was gathering as we headed to the local deli I'd picked out. Forks didn't have much in the way of restaurants, but the deli was great for lunch.

We ordered at the counter and sat down at a corner table to wait for our food. Alice looked around in amusement.

"You weren't kidding, were you?" she asked in a low voice. "I think everyone here shops at True Value."

I laughed. "I told you."

She then fixed me with a serious stare and folded her hands on top of her placemat. "Okay, spill it."

"Spill what?" I asked, hedging the issue. Now that the time had come to tell Alice how I felt, I was nervous as hell.

"Bella."

"Okay, okay." I blew out breath of air. "It's a little hard to talk to you about my relationship with Edward because he's your brother. I don't want to seem like I'm bad-mouthing him to you," I began.

Alice reached across the table and patted my hand. "Yes, Edward is my brother. I love him dearly. But you're my best friend and I love you, too. Your happiness means just as much to me as his does. If you're unhappy, Bella, then that bothers me, even if Edward's part of the problem. So out with it, already."

Suddenly feeling as if a giant weight had been lifted, I finally put into words the thought that (if I was really being honest) had been plaguing me for months.

"I don't know if I want to be with Edward anymore."

"So it's gone that far," Alice mused. "I had a feeling the last couple of times we talked on the phone that something was bothering you."

"I can't hide my feelings from anybody, damn it."

"Sorry, Bella, you are horribly transparent." In spite of the topic of conversation, Alice grinned.

"Ugh," I groaned. "Anyway," I continued, "it has been brewing for awhile. I know this is going to sound…selfish, maybe, but our biggest problem is his job. It's not that I'm not proud of his success or that I begrudge him a career, but-"

"You want to feel like a priority," Alice finished.

"Yes. Is that horrible?"

"No, of course not. If you need someone who's around more, then that's what you need. Frankly, Bella, as long as you and Edward have been together, you shouldn't just be "a" priority, you should be "the" priority. It's always bothered me that Edward's never asked you to marry him." She broke off suddenly and sighed. "I've always told him that he was going to fuck around and lose you. I told him that you needed more than he was giving."

I stared at Alice in shock. "I never knew you felt that way."

She smiled at me. "Like I said, I love you, too. Of course I was going to get onto him if I didn't think he was treating you as well as he should."

"Well, it's not that he's ever treated me badly-"

Once again Alice finished my thought. "But his absence is bad enough."

I felt my eyes moisten and I fought the tears valiantly. I wasn't going to lose it in a public place.

"Bella, it's going to be okay. No matter what you decide, you'll be okay. I'll be there if you need me."

"Thanks," I said quietly. "I have to admit I have no idea what I'm going to do yet." I paused for a moment as one of the deli employees arrived with our food. Talking about Edward like this had left me with little appetite, but I picked up my sandwich and took a dutiful bite. "Edward says he wants to talk about everything once we're both home, and he says he's going to make some changes, try to stay home more. I just don't know if I believe him."

Alice nodded sympathetically. "I know."

I toyed with my straw for a moment. "Alice…it gets worse."

"What?" she asked, concerned.

"I think I might be interested in someone else." I expected to be chastised, but Alice shocked me by going into gossip mode.

"Oh my God, really? Who?" she asked, her voice going up an octave. "Someone in Phoenix? Or here?"

"Here," I muttered. "I bought my truck from him."

"The mechanic?"

"Yes." I felt a flush creep over my cheeks as I thought of Jake. "His name's Jacob Black. I've actually known him since we were kids, but he's a couple of years younger than me so I never really gave him the time of day back then. I've only seen him a few times since I've been here, but- I think about him a lot."

Alice sat back in her chair, a bemused smile playing on her lips. "You're blushing."

"I know." I cleared my throat and looked up to meet her gaze. "Alice, I just want you to know that nothing's happened. I mean, I would never go behind Edward's back-"

Alice waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, I know that. This does complicate your decision though, doesn't it?"

"Does it ever."

"So is he hot?"

"Alice, please."

"Oh, come on," she said, "I'm just trying to lighten the mood." She tapped my hand again. "Listen, Bella, on a serious note- I meant what I said. I'm here for you, no matter what you decide. I just want you be happy. Whether that's with my brother, or-" her playful smile returned- "some small-town mechanic, who may or may not be hot, since you won't tell me."

I threw my hands up. "He's hot, okay! Jesus!"

We both laughed.

"Really, though," I said, "He's a great guy. Very open and honest."

"Sounds like you like him," she replied.

"I do," I finally admitted. "I really do."

We took a few minutes to eat, and as I was finishing up my sandwich I caught site of a tall, dark-haired guy in oil-stained jeans that had just stepped up to the counter. I knew who it was even with his back to me. Jacob.

"It's him," I whispered, nodding my head towards the counter.

"Who?" Alice asked, uncharacteristically obtuse.

"Jake," I hissed.

She followed my head nod, her eyes landing on Jake just as he turned to walk to the cash register. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.

"Holy sex-on-two-legs!" she breathed. "He's not just hot, Bella, he's-"

"I know, I know," I moaned. "Trust me."

As if on cue, Jacob spotted me sitting in the corner and headed our way, carrying a paper sack full of deli food.

"Hey, Bells, how's it going?" he asked, grinning easily. I shivered pleasantly, and hoped he didn't notice.

"Lunch for you and Seth?" I asked, pointing to the bag.

"Of course. Gotta refuel."

"Jake, this is my best friend, Alice. Alice, Jacob Black. Previous owner of the red beast."

"Not a bad nickname," he said, smiling at me. Then he reached across the table to offer his hand to Alice. "It's nice to meet you, Alice."

"You too, Jacob," she said, smiling sweetly. "Bella's told me so much about you."

I ground my teeth and tried to keep a neutral expression. She was going to pay for that one.

Then I saw how Jake's face lit up at her words, and I nearly melted into a puddle right there at the table.

"Really?" he asked softly, turning his dark eyes back to me.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak at the moment.

"That's good," he said huskily. Then he cleared his throat, a little nervously I thought. "Well, I better get back before Seth dies of starvation. Nice meeting you, Alice. Bella-" he smiled at me again, "I hope I see you soon."

When he was gone, Alice shook her head at me. "Wow, Bella, he's insanely gorgeous. How did you manage to find a guy like that in a town this small?"

"Just lucky, I guess," I said softly. "Just lucky."

********

It was after seven by the time Alice left. She hugged me tightly and whispered "Call me if you need anything, even just to vent." Then she straightened and in a louder voice said, "As soon as Charlie's a little more mobile, come see me in Seattle."

"I will," I replied, smiling.

Alice hugged Charlie next. "Take care, and make sure not to push yourself too hard," she admonished.

"I'll do my best. You be careful going home," he said sternly.

"I will."

I walked her to the door and watched her get in her car. "Bye, Alice! Call me when you get home," I called.

"I will! See you soon!" She waved out the open window as she pulled off, and then her BMW was fading into the distance.

I thanked God that Charlie was engrossed in something on TV and it didn't occur to him to ask me what Alice and I talked about at lunch. I hid myself in the kitchen, cleaning up the remains of the dinner dishes and writing out a new shopping list. Then I pretended to be exceptionally tired and headed to bed early after telling Charlie goodnight. Really, I just wanted to be alone to think.

I was so glad that I'd broken down and told Alice everything. I felt better after getting it off my chest, and Alice had neither judged nor condemned me for my feelings about either Edward or Jacob. Now it was just up to me to decide what to do about my relationship with Edward. Which was easier said than done.

I was laying in bed, attempting to read but mostly just contemplating things, when the phone rang. It was still too early to be Alice, and both she and Edward would be much more likely to call my cell. I decided to let Charlie answer it, but after two rings I wondered if he was going to. On the third ring I sprinted into Charlie's room (hearing loud snores from the den downstairs) and grabbed the receiver without even looking at the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bella," came a deep voice. "It's Jake."

I sat down on Charlie's bed with a thump. "Hi, Jake," I replied in what I hoped was a normal tone. "What's up?"

"Well, I was talking to Sue tonight, and she wanted me to invite you and Charlie over to the house for dinner tomorrow. She'd love to see you."

"Well, I'll have to check with Charlie, but I'm sure he'll be up for it. I'd ask him now, but he's sawing logs in front of the TV at the moment."

Jacob laughed. "Sounds like Charlie. Just give me or Sue a call in the morning and let us know." Then he lowered his voice, and the husky near-whisper was almost like a caress. "I really hope you can make it," he said, and I knew by his inflection that he meant me, specifically. "I'm looking forward to seeing you again."

"I, uh, me too," I stammered. "I mean, I'm looking forward to seeing you, too." Damn it, did I just say that? I thought I heard Jake chuckle, but I wasn't sure. I decided to save face by ending the conversation. "Well, I better go jump in the shower," I lied, then felt my face redden. Shit! Don't mention showers! "Bye, Jacob," I finished hastily.

"Goodnight, Bella," he replied, and I swore I'd never heard such a simple phrase sound as sensual as it did coming from Jacob. I heard him hang up and I replaced the phone in the charger and headed back to my room, feeling strangely warm. Jake seemed to have that affect on me.

Hot Jacob sex dreams, take two.

**We'll be back to JPOV next chapter ;) Please review!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Hey, everyone! First, I just want to say thanks for all the great reviews that were added since my last update, you guys rock! And a very special thanks to notashamedtobesoilyfan for recommending this story =)**

**This chapter is a tad bit on the short side, for which I apologize, but the good news is that I'm already working on Chapter 7, so it shouldn't be long until the next update. I'm really looking forward to the next few chapters- a lot is going to take place- a lot of Jake and Bella goodness. I'm building slowly, but trust me when I say it will be worth it. ;) **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, but I'm borrowing Jake for the night (er, I mean, for this story).  
**

Chapter 6- JPOV

"See ya, Seth!" I yelled as I headed for the back door of the garage.

"Bye, Jake. Hey, tell Mom not to wait up, okay?"

I stopped with my hand on the doorknob and turned back to Seth with a raised eyebrow. "Hot date?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, like it was no big deal, but I saw the excitement written all over his face. "You could say that."

"You're being pretty quiet about this one. You must like her. Or him," I joked.

Seth threw his empty soda can at me and missed when I ducked. "Kiss my ass, Jake."

I laughed as I stepped out into the drizzle. I wasn't normally a moody person, by any means, but I still couldn't remember the last time I was this happy. The prospect of seeing Bella had me in an exceptionally good mood. I jumped in my car and cranked up the radio as I headed toward La Push and Sue's house. I didn't have a lot of time before Bella and Charlie were supposed to be there, but I'd had enough foresight to bring a change of clothes with me. I could shower up at Sue's.

I wasn't sure what she was making for dinner, but the rumble of hunger in my stomach and the possible ways to satisfy it were way down on my list of priorities at the moment. I couldn't look past anything but Bells. Seeing her at the deli had only fueled my desire to be with her, and so I'd immediately suggested to Sue that she have them over for dinner (which she had already considered doing anyway). Sometime between our day in Port Angeles and the previous afternoon, I had decided that I didn't give a shit if Bella had a boyfriend or not. There was _something _between us- I'd sensed it in Port Angeles and again that night at Charlie's, and I wasn't about to let an opportunity pass me by.

Sue was in the kitchen when I got to the house. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and sniffed the air appreciatively. "Smells good, Mom," I told her. She was roasting a chicken and had a bunch of different side dishes going that were enough to raise my hunger a couple of notches on the priority list.

"Thank you, Jacob." She hugged me with one arm while stirring, and I noticed that she was wearing an apron to protect the light yellow, summery dress she had on.

"Dressing up for Charlie?" I asked slyly.

"I just wanted to look nice. Why, do you think he'll like it?" She spread her hands out and looked down at herself nervously. I bent down to catch her eye, and smiled. "He'll love it."

She looked back at me with a pleased but slightly embarrassed smile. If she was the blushing type like Bella, she would have been beet red by now.

_If Charlie doesn't make a move soon, he's an idiot._

Shaking my head at the thought, I left Sue to her side dishes and went to take a shower. I passed Seth's room on the way, and I wondered how the hell he planned to clean up before his date if he wasn't coming home. He probably thought he could just spritz on some extra cologne and call it done. The boy was fucking hopeless.

I was glad he had a date though, if for no other reason than it meant he would be out of my hair for the night. He'd been giving me a hard time about Bella ever since she got into town, and I didn't trust the little shit to be on his best behavior. Seth was a good guy and a brother to me, but he just hadn't grown up yet.

After my shower I threw on a pair of khakis and a dark green button-down, about as dressed up as it gets for me. I didn't even bother to comb my hair- there was really no point. Sue had bawled her eyes out when I chopped my hair off (it had been practically long enough to sit on) but I explained to her that having hair that long was sort of an occupational hazard when working with any type of machinery. Seth would have cut his too, but considering that he spent most of the workday sitting on his ass reading magazines, there wasn't as much of a need.

I always trimmed it myself with a pair of plain old kitchen shears, and until recently I'd never cared what it looked like. Now, of course, I wondered what Bella thought about it. It was crazy how her opinion meant so much more to me than any one else I'd ever dated, and I wasn't even dating her! For the first time, I started to think about the possibility of getting a real haircut.

Sue was getting out plates and silverware when I reentered the kitchen. "I'll get that," I said, grabbing the dishes. I began setting the table while Sue checked on the chicken one last time and then pulled it out of the oven. She deftly maneuvered it onto a big serving plate and then turned around to smile at me.

"You look nice, Jake."

"Thanks," I replied. "I had to, I couldn't have you showing me up," I added with a grin.

She laughed. "And it had nothing to do with Bella Swan?"

I finished setting the table and leaned against it, trying to act casual. "Maybe."

"Didn't you say she has a boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"So…doesn't that matter to you?"

"Of course it matters. But it's Bella. She's finally back after ten years, and I can't let her just walk back out of my life without at least giving it a try."

Sue looked startled at the emotion in my voice. "You do care a lot about her."

"Yeah, I really do."

"I'm just worrying, like I always do. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know," I said softly. "Thanks." I crossed the kitchen and grabbed her in a hug. So many times in my life I would have been completely lost without this woman. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Jacob."

Just then, the doorbell rang. I released Sue and went to answer it while she hurriedly tossed her apron in a drawer and smoothed her hair. I stifled a laugh and opened the door.

"Hey, Jake," Charlie said, shaking my hand. Then he looked past me and his eyes lit up. "Sue!" I stepped aside to let him come in and he limped straight to her, looking about as love-struck as I'd ever seen. Once he was inside I turned to Bella.

"Hi, Jacob," she greeted me, smiling. She had dressed up a little, too, in a dark green sundress and flimsy-looking sandals. "Hey, we match," she said, pointing between the two of us.

_In more ways than you know,_ I thought, but all I said was "Come on in, Bells."

I led her into the kitchen, where Charlie, never comfortable with being waited on, was at the counter pouring glasses of iced tea.

"I better let you guys take these, just in case," he said, handing two glasses each to Bella and me. We took the drinks to the table and suddenly Charlie was all too eager to accept Sue's help to his chair. Bella looked at me across the table, nodded slightly in their direction, and winked. I grinned and winked back. It was nice that we were on the same page about Sue and Charlie.

The dinner conversation flowed easily between the four of us. I still couldn't get over how effortless it was to be around Bella, to talk to her, to make her laugh. It was like she'd spent the last ten years right here in Washington, and our friendship was already established. I could tell she was comfortable with me, too- she joked with me and even teased me a little. Even though I wanted more, and I had a suspicion that she did too, I loved getting to know her better as a friend. Most of my past relationships had always started out sexual, and while I never complained, I was never really fulfilled either. Even when the woman I was seeing started to get serious and push for exclusivity, I still felt an emotional void. With Bella there was no void, there was just her. The way I'd always known it would be.

******

"I can't eat anymore. I'll explode," I said, pushing away the remains of the huge slice of pie Sue had heaped on my plate. "That was great, Mom."

"It really was," Charlie agreed. "You're the best cook I've ever met. No offense, Bella."

"Hey, keep talking and see if you don't get TV dinners the rest of the week," Bella joked. "Everything was wonderful, Sue, really. Thank you for inviting us."

"You're welcome. Bella. I'm so glad I got to see you," Sue replied.

I stood up and started stacking plates. "I'll clean up in here, Mom. Why don't you and Charlie go sit in the living room and…relax." I waggled my eyebrows dramatically like I was suggesting something scandalous.

Bella followed my lead. "I'll help you, Jake. You guys go ahead. Have fun," she added, smirking.

Charlie took Sue's arm and shuffled along with her into the living room. "Damn nosy kids," I heard him grumble.

Bella must have heard him too, because she giggled as she grabbed the last of the dishes and brought them over to the sink. "Hey, if we have to push them a little bit…"

"Then that's what we're going to do," I finished. "It's about damn time, anyway."

Thanks to the dishwasher I'd put in for Sue the year before, the clean-up process didn't take long. I glanced outside and realized it had stopped raining and the clouds were thinning out. "Looks like the weather's clearing up. Want to sit outside for awhile, give them some privacy?"

"Sure."

I led Bella out onto the back porch, which faced the newly fenced-in yard (another one of my gifts to Sue). She had done a lot of landscaping earlier in the spring, and there were flowers everywhere, most of which I couldn't identify. I joined Bella on the wicker loveseat and stretched my legs out, relaxing as I took in the sunset.

"It's really peaceful here," Bella said softly. "It's hard to feel relaxed in Phoenix, at least for me. It's so big and busy and…_loud._"

"Did it bother you when you were a kid?" I asked.

"Not as much. It seems like the older I get, the more I want peace and quiet, just something slower-paced." She shook her head. "I think I'm getting old before my time."

"Nah. You just like a simpler life. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm the same way. I can't imagine living in a big city with all the traffic and noise, making an hour-long commute to work every day. Hell, I even live as far away from everything as I can get."

"So where do you live? Because I'm guessing you don't live here anymore."

"No," I replied, "Seth still does, but I moved out about three and half years ago. I have a house down at the beach. Well, if you can call it a house. It's more like a one bedroom cabin."

"It sounds nice."

"I'll have to show it you," I said, and was amused when I saw a faint hint of pink flare across Bella's cheeks. I wondered if she was thinking about the circumstances of her being at my house. I tried not to think like that around her- really, I did- but hey, I was a red-blooded male, it was bound to happen. The amount of her legs that I could see at the moment wasn't helping, either.

"That would be nice," she said, and I could tell she was looking for a change of subject. "So…I noticed you call Sue 'Mom.' I think it's great that you two are so close."

"Yeah, I've been calling her that pretty much ever since I moved in with her and Harry." I paused for a moment, thinking back on my past with the Clearwater's. "Both of them were always so good to me…I just started calling Sue 'Mom.' It seemed really natural, and it didn't bother me, I guess because my mom had been gone for so long. I never was able to call Harry 'Dad,' though." I looked over at Bella and smiled sadly. "I've always felt bad about that. He treated me just like a son."

Bella put her hand on my arm. "Jake, I'm sure he understood. You lost your mom when you were really small, but you were a lot older when Billy died. I can see why it would have been hard for you call anyone else 'Dad,' even Harry."

I looked at her hand on my arm and couldn't stop myself from putting my other hand on top of hers. Her skin was incredibly soft. I met her eyes again and realized she was tearing up.

"Bells? What's wrong?"

"It's- I'm sorry. It's just- I've been thinking about my relationship with Charlie a lot since I got to Forks. I wish I would've spent more time with him growing up. I felt like I needed to be around for my mom because she's so scatterbrained she can hardly take care of herself, but I wonder if Charlie felt like I was choosing her over him. Damn it," she broke off. "We were talking about you, I don't want to make this about me."

"It's okay," I said. "Hey, I'm the one who started in with the sentimental shit to begin with." Bella chuckled weakly. "It's not too late to change things with Charlie," I added.

"I know. I'm working on it. Thanks, Jake."

Suddenly, and without warning, I was assaulted by another impulsive Bella hug- not that I minded. This one was more intimate than the last one- she snaked her arms around my waist and put her cheek against my chest. I rested my chin on the top of her head for a brief moment, and wondered if she knew what the hell she was doing to me. It would be so easy to kiss her- somehow I knew she wouldn't stop me. But despite the fact that I was determined to get to know her better and advance our relationship, _and_ despite the fact that I hoped and prayed she would give Cullen the boot, I didn't want to step into the physical realm unless she broke things off with him first. I just wasn't that kind of guy.

But _Christ_, she was making it hard for me.

She pulled back slowly and looked at me with a hint of embarrassment in her expression. "I just can't seem to stop hugging you," she admitted.

"Hey, don't let me stop you," I replied quietly. Her face was still merely inches from mine, and I could feel that this was one of those moments. My heart and body longed to close the gap, but my mind fought it.

_Not yet, Jake. You'll open a real can of worms if you do._

Still, I didn't move away from her. It was Bella who broke our gaze first, and when she did I was able to fully let go of her and get a grip on myself again. We both jumped when Charlie cleared his throat behind us.

"I guess we ought to get going, hon," he said.

Bella and I both stood, and I noticed for the first time that the sun had set all the way. We followed Charlie back through the house to the front door, where Sue was waiting. Bella and I both watched in surprise as he put his arms around Sue and kissed her lightly, but with definite feeling.

"Bye, Sue. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Charlie," she replied softly, and he let her go and walked carefully out onto the front porch. Bella and I exchanged a satisfied smile. It looked like Charlie had finally made his move.

Bella hugged Sue quickly. "Thanks again for dinner. Hopefully we can all get together again while I'm here."

"I hope so, too."

"Goodnight, Jacob," Bella said, turning to me next. "Thanks for the talk."

"Anytime, Bells. I'll see you again soon." My tone made the words a promise. Bella's eyes widened as she looked at me, and I wondered what she saw on my face. Probably everything, because I had no intention of hiding how I felt anymore, even if I wasn't necessarily acting on it yet.

"I'd really like that," she replied.

And that was good enough for me.

**Thoughts? Hopes for future chapters? Let me know! =)**


	8. Chapter 7

**I just have to say that I'm completely thrilled with all the reviews I've gotten since my last update! You are all awesome, and I'm so excited that I'm closing in on 100 reviews!**

**With regards to this chapter, I promise I'm not trying to be a tease (you'll see what I mean in a minute). I firmly believe that spending time building sexual tension leads to a bigger payoff, so hang in there with me- we're getting there. There are several interesting developments in this chapter that I think you'll all like. When you get done reading, I have a question at the bottom if you'd be kind enough to answer it. :)**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; sadly, I do not. (Boo).  
**

Chapter 7- BPOV

Unfortunately, I didn't see Jacob at all the following week or that weekend. I stayed as busy as I could, hanging out with Charlie, taking him to his appointments, and cleaning the house until it sparkled. I talked to Edward a few times, albeit briefly. The distance between us was growing at an exponential rate. I had a feeling that things were going to come to a head soon, and I honestly still wasn't sure what I wanted to do. On the one hand, I'd spent years with Edward, and that kind of history wasn't easy to throw away. On the other hand, I felt a stronger connection to Jake after just three weeks than I had ever felt with Edward. I knew I had to make a decision, and soon.

It was a Tuesday afternoon, and Charlie and I had just gotten back from his physical therapy appointment. His progress was nothing short of excellent. The walker had been put away for good, he was getting around much easier, and his range of motion was improving. He had even taken a short drive with me in the car the day before and handled it perfectly. It was becoming obvious that he wouldn't need my help much longer, but Charlie and I had an agreement that I was welcome to stay with him in Forks as long as I wanted. I didn't plan on leaving until I absolutely had to. School was starting back in mid-August and I needed to be back a couple of weeks before then, which still gave me over a month.

I checked the mail before going inside. Since Edward was still in Mississippi, I was having my mail forwarded to Charlie's address and I was expecting some paperwork from my school. There just so happened to be a thick packet with my name on it- my class list for the new year. Now I could start planning my exact curriculum for the first semester. It would save me a lot of stress to get that done now, while I was in Forks with so much time on my hands.

There were also a few things from the city for Charlie, which I passed along. He was planning to return to work on Monday, and I could tell he was really looking forward to it. Charlie didn't know what to do with himself while he was stuck in the house constantly, and I didn't blame him. We were alike in that way- we both had a need to be productive, and sitting around wasn't something that came naturally to us. Not to mention, there was only so much TV a person could stand.

Charlie made his way upstairs to take a shower, and I sat down at the kitchen table to take a look at my class information. I was reading through the first of the student transcripts when my cell rang. I looked at it quickly before answering. _Alice._

"Hi, Alice," I answered, pleased as always to hear from her.

"Hi, Bella, how's it going? How's Charlie?"

"He's doing great. He's moving around so much better than when you were here." I moved my stack of papers aside; there was no way I could concentrate on those while on the phone. "So what's up?" Alice wasn't really the type for aimless chit-chat. There was almost always a reason for her calls.

"Well…do you have any plans this weekend? And if not, do you think you could make an overnight trip?" Alice asked.

"No, and probably," I replied. "As long as it doesn't involve shopping or beauty treatments. I still haven't gotten over the last haircut you talked me into."

"Oh God, Bella, that was three years ago, give it a rest. Anyway, it's not about anything like that. I already have the perfect outfit for you to wear where we're going."

"Ugh, I'm afraid to even ask- but where _are_ we going?"

Alice was quick to answer, excitement in her voice. "Jasper's band is playing at the grand opening of a new club this Saturday. It's a really great gig. It'll help them get their foot in the door with a lot of other venues. I thought you could come with us, hang out at the club for awhile after Jasper's set, and then stay the night."

I chuckled nervously. "A club? Not really my kind of thing, but…okay. It'll be nice to see you and to meet Jasper."

"Yay!" Alice cheered. "I think you'll really like Jasper, he's a very laid-back, down-to- earth guy. Of course, he needs my fashion help like nobody's business…" I rolled my eyes and stifled a laugh.

"Okay, sounds good," I said. "I'm just sorry I'll be tagging along as a third wheel." I sighed at the prospect.

"Well, I was thinking about that," Alice said carefully. "What if you brought Jacob?"

I nearly choked on my own spit. "Jake? I can't do that. I mean- what would Edward think?"

"I'm just suggesting bringing him as a friend, not sleeping with him," Alice replied wryly. "That way you'd have a "date" so to speak, and I think you'd have more fun that way."

I momentarily entertained the thought of dancing with Jacob, our bodies moving together sensuously to the beat of the music, and just the idea was enough to raise my temperature a few degrees. Dancing with Jake would be a very bad idea…or a very, very good one, depending on how I looked at it. _Damn you, Alice._

"Um…I don't know, Alice," I said lamely.

"Look, just think about it. If you decide to bring him, call me back and let me know. I better let you go, I need to get back out on the sales floor. I've only got one clerk here today."

"Okay. Talk to you later."

After we hung up I sat there at the table, staring into space, too distracted to go back to reading transcripts. I pondered Alice's suggestion. I was almost one hundred percent certain that Jacob would go if I asked him. After that night at Sue's house, I was under no illusions that Jacob thought of me as just a friend, a fact that made asking him to go to Seattle even more complicated. Because I wanted him to go with me, and that scared me.

The phone rang again and I answered it without even looking to see who it was. I figured it was Alice calling back with some detail she'd forgotten to mention.

"Hey," I said distractedly.

"Hello, love."

"Edward!" I yelped before composing myself. "Sorry, I thought you were Alice calling back."

"Oh, were you just on the phone with her?"

"Yeah, she wanted to ask me come to Seattle this weekend to see her boyfriend's band, so I said I would."

"Ah, the infamous Jasper. Let me know what he's like."

I knew Edward well enough to detect a slight bit of tension in his otherwise casual tone. "Something up?" I asked, figuring I might as well cut to the chase.

"We're running a little behind schedule here, so I have a feeling I'm going to be here a couple of weeks longer than my original estimate. So, unfortunately, I may not be back home until the first of August."

Considering that I'd already made plans to stay in Forks until the first of August, it wasn't so much Edward's words that ignited my anger, but the somewhat detached, professional tone he used to deliver them. _He was treating me like a fucking client!_

"That's fine," I said coolly. "I'm staying here until the first of August, anyway."

"Why?" he asked, sounding genuinely confused.

"What the hell do you mean, 'why'?" I sputtered. "I'm spending time with my father. I barely see him, and this is a chance for us to make up for some of that. Besides, what point is there in coming home now, anyway? Do you expect me to sit in an empty house?"

"I just thought it might be nice for you to already be here when I get home, and I'm not sure of the exact date. It may be the first, but it may not."

I stood up and began pacing through Charlie's kitchen. "Oh, that's rich. So it's fine for you to go on business trips all the goddamn time and to never know when you're coming home, but if I go to visit my _father _while he's recovering from surgery, I'm supposed to race home at my first opportunity so I can be there whenever you make it in?"

"Bella, calm down. You know I have a responsibility to my clients-"

"I have responsibilities too, Edward. I have things in my life that are important to me, and spending time with Charlie is one of them. The difference between you and me, though, is that I always made time for you, because you were important to me, too."

"Were?" Edward asked, sounding stricken.

I stopped pacing and put my hand over my mouth, realizing that I'd just spoken in past tense.

"Is that how you feel, Bella? That I _was _important?" His voice dropped lower, and I could hear the pain in his words. I pictured him staring at the floor, running his hands through his bronze hair, and I felt the old instinct kick in- the urge to comfort him and tell him that I didn't mean any of it, that everything was going to be fine. The instinct was strong, but I fought it.

I couldn't do it this time.

"Edward," I said softly, my anger fading somewhat. "I'm so sorry, really I am. But I can't keep doing this. You haven't made me a priority in years. You're only with me- _really_ with me- when you have a little time to spare. I need more than that."

"I know." He paused a moment. "I love you, Bella, I really do."

"I wish you could have shown me a little more often," I said sadly.

"So it seems like you've made a decision, then." He sighed, and turned back to "Business Edward," always his coping mechanism. "When I get back to Phoenix we'll put the condo up for sale, and I'll help you look for a place if you need me to."

"I think I can manage," I said dryly.

"So I'll see you then, and we'll get the details worked out."

"Goodbye, Edward," I said with a note of finality.

"Goodbye, Bella." There was a long pause, and then the line disconnected.

I dropped my hand to my side, still holding the phone, and stared at the floor without seeing it. I waited for the breakdown, for the tears that should inevitably follow the demise of a lengthy relationship. But there were no tears. I felt an odd sense of…relief. It puzzled me and made me feel guilty. Exactly how long ago had I checked out of my relationship with Edward? How long had I been pretending and trying to convince myself I was happy?

"Bella," said a voice behind me.

I whirled around to face the kitchen doorway, finding my dad leaning against the doorframe. "Charlie! How long have you been there?"

"I just caught the tail-end." He crossed the kitchen and hugged me. "I'm sorry, Bells," he said into my hair.

"Thanks, Dad." He released me and studied my face, searching for signs of tears.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just think I need to get out of here for awhile, maybe go for a drive."

"Okay, hon, just be careful."

"I will." I grabbed my keys and purse from the kitchen counter and shoved my phone into the latter. "I won't be gone too long."

I hurried out the door, grateful for Charlie's understanding and lack of prying. I honestly didn't want to talk about what had just happened. I just needed to clear my head.

I jumped in my truck and started driving, with no clear destination in mind.

********

I drove in and around Forks for the next hour. I didn't want to stray too far, just on the off chance that I got lost. I used the time alone to do some thinking.

I couldn't get over the brevity of my break-up call with Edward. After nearly six years, I supposed I'd expected more drama- pleading, tears, last minute promises. There had been none of that, from either of us. I was relieved, and Edward seemed resigned. Is that what we had come to?

I knew in my heart that I still loved Edward. I hated to use the phrase "I love him but I'm not _in _love with him" because it was so cliché, but I really wasn't sure how else to describe the way I felt. I just knew that I didn't love him in a romantic sense anymore, and I didn't love him enough to continue being in an unhappy situation.

I also thought a lot about Jacob Black. I knew that I had definite feelings for him, feelings that went beyond pure physical attraction (although that was certainly there, too). We had things in common, we were comfortable together, our conversations always flowed easily. I didn't feel awkward about opening up to him. Being with Jacob was like being with my oldest and best friend, but with the added element of attraction. And really, what better combination could anyone hope for?

Now that I was newly single, the only thing holding me back from Jacob was my own fear. I feared that it was all too fast, too soon. I knew that Jake had nothing to do with my break-up with Edward. I knew, without a shred of doubt, that had I never come to Forks, Edward and I would have ended anyway. Still, I knew that my feelings for Jake had started to develop while I was still with Edward, with made me feel guilty; and now, I worried that I was crazy for entertaining the thought of a new relationship. All the dating gurus of the world cautioned against "rebounding." The safe, smart thing to do would be to go back to Phoenix, get my own place, and be on my own for awhile. The fact that I inevitably would be forced into a long-distance relationship if I started seeing Jake made the first option even more sensible. Unfortunately, what I _should _do and what I _wanted _to do were two different things.

It was with those thoughts swirling in my brain that I headed back toward Charlie's. It was going on five-thirty and I figured I should get dinner started, although food was the last thing on my mind. As I drove through town, I reflexively looked over at Black's Auto Repair. Jacob's car was still parked around the side of the building.

"Oh, what the hell," I muttered, and turned into the garage's parking lot. I pulled up to the front entrance and turned the engine off, wondering exactly what reason I was going to give for being here. After thinking for a moment, I realized with a smile that Jacob probably wouldn't care if I had a reason.

I pulled open the front door and waved to Seth, who was finishing up with a customer. Once they left, he flashed me a big grin. "Hey, Bella, how's it going?"

"Not too bad. You?"

"Can't complain, I guess. I'll be better once we knock off for the day…should be soon." He turned around to yell though the door leading to the garage. "Hey, Jake! Someone here to see you!"

Jacob walked through the door, wiping oil off of his hands with an old rag. Just like that day three weeks ago when I first got to Forks, I had to fight not to stare. Even covered in oil and grease, he still looked amazing. He smiled as soon as he saw me.

"Bells! I missed you this last week," he said.

Just those simple words melted my heart. I couldn't remember the last time Edward had said he missed me. I could tell Jacob meant every word. "I missed you, too," I replied, and _I _meant every word.

"It was actually kind of busy around here last week," he told me. "It should be easing up some now, though."

"Thank God," Seth interjected.

"Hey, if you did anything around here besides dust that stool with your ass you might actually have a reason to say that," Jake joked. Then he turned back to me, his dark eyes intent on my face. "So what brings you in, Bells?"

"You promised to show me your house," I blurted out. It was the first thing that came to mind. Standing off to Jacob's side, Seth snickered.

"Shut up, Seth," Jacob said absently.

"Shutting". Seth disappeared into the garage after favoring me with a sly smile and raised eyebrows. I felt myself blushing.

"Ignore him, he thinks he's five," Jake said.

"Well, I did rush in here and ask to go to your house, looks a little odd, I guess."

"Well, I did say I'd show it to you." He grinned suddenly. "I think I'll make Seth clean up in the back since he did next to nothing all day, and I'll go ahead and get out of here. You can follow me home."

Seth must have been able to hear us, because a loud groan came from the garage.

"Deal," Jacob called back. The he gestured to the door. "Let's go, before he tries to make a run for it."

I followed Jake in my old truck, and spent most of the drive mentally berating myself for suggesting we go to his house. It wasn't that I was uncomfortable with the idea- on the contrary, I was a little _too _comfortable. I didn't exactly trust what I might do alone with Jake at this point, and as tempting as that was, I didn't think I was ready to take that leap.

We reached La Push and drove through it, to the beach- not the more well-known First Beach, but the less-populated Second Beach. Jacob pulled up to a small, but absolutely beautiful, log cabin. He drove his car into the attached garage and I parked my truck in the gravel driveway. I got out slowly and took in the surrounding scenery. Jacob didn't have neighbors for at least half a mile on either side- instead, his home was bordered on both sides by dense trees. His yard sloped downhill towards the backyard, where the grass eventually turned into the coarse sand and multi-colored pebbles that made up the Washington coastline. His house was far enough from the water to be safe from the incoming tide in normal circumstances, but it was built on the precautionary stilts just in case. From my vantage point I could see a large deck on the back of the house with what must be an amazing view.

"Wow, Jake," I called as he emerged from the garage. "This is great!"

"Thanks," he said, and motioned me to the front door. "Come on in."

We walked up the steps to the front porch, and Jacob unlocked the door and ushered me inside. I went ahead of him and walked exactly two paces before I stopped to stare at my surroundings.

The interior of the little cabin was completely open, making it appear much bigger than it was. A large great room stretched before me, complete with vaulted ceiling and skylights, and blended seamlessly into the light, spacious kitchen. The two rooms were only separated by a bar counter, complete with stools. Toward the back of the great room, a curving staircase led to an open loft area, which I could see was Jacob's bedroom. There were two doors upstairs also, which I assumed were a closet and bathroom. The interior was furnished and decorated in warm, earthy tones- so fitting for Jake, I thought. It was so beautiful and yet so unpretentious at the same time, much like the man who lived there.

"This is amazing, Jacob," I said, still looking around. "Did you buy this from someone, or-"

"I built it," he said softly.

I turned around to face him. "Are you kidding? You built it by yourself?"

He chuckled. "Well, not entirely. Seth and a couple of friends of mine worked on it with me. I designed it, though." He said it matter-of-factly, without a hint of bragging.

"I thought you said your interest in architecture was more of a hobby. Here you are building houses!"

"Just one house," he corrected. "So you like it?"

"I love it." I walked further into the room, taking in the huge windows along the back wall. A set of sliding glass doors led out onto the deck. I had been right- the view was gorgeous.

"You know, it's funny," I mused. "With everything he's worked on, I don't think Edward's ever designed a home. This is so much more…personal." I turned to Jacob. "You're so talented," I said sincerely.

"Thanks, Bells," he replied, holding my gaze. "That means a lot, especially from you."

The look passing between us was beginning to get a little heated, so I forced myself to drop my eyes for a second. When I looked back up, I was both relieved and disappointed that the moment had passed.

"Do you mind if I jump in the shower for a minute?" Jacob asked suddenly.

"Not at all."

"Okay, I'll be quick, I just want to get this grime off. Make yourself at home. There's drinks in the fridge if you want anything." He took off up the stairs and into one of the two doors. A moment later I heard water running.

I was actually pretty thirsty, so I headed to the refrigerator and opened it. Bottled water, Coke, _Vitamin Water_… I laughed softly. I grabbed a water and wandered back into the great room. The décor was very homey, but tasteful. I wondered if Jacob had picked everything out himself, or if Sue had helped. I suspected that it was actually all Jake's doing. He obviously had an eye for aesthetics.

I was drinking my water and admiring the view when I heard Jacob's footsteps on the stairs. I turned around to say something to him, and the words died on my lips.

He came back downstairs wearing nothing but a low-slung pair of jeans, and the muscles that had only been hinted at under his clothes were now on full display. He had the most incredible set of abs I'd ever seen in my life, and his broad chest seemed like it was begging me to run my hands over it. His shaggy black hair was still wet, and he absently ran his hands through it, the movement stretching his torso and showing off his arms. I tried to speak, but my tongue appeared to be stuck to the roof of my mouth. I pulled it free with difficulty, and it let go with a faint "guck" sound that I prayed Jake didn't hear.

"Hi," I said, still feeling flustered, and Jacob chuckled.

_I think he fucking did this on purpose._

"So," I said, gesturing around with my water bottle. "I really like all your…stuff, here." _Brilliant, Bella. Are you sure you were an English major?_

"Thanks. I was hoping you'd like my…stuff," he replied, flashing that infectious grin of his as he leaned nonchalantly against the stair rail. He was teasing me.

I looked around the room, searching for something specific to talk about. My eyes landed on a small collection of wood carvings on a round table in the corner, and I walked over to get a closer look. The carvings were all very small, miniature for the most part- most of them animals common in the Olympic Peninsula. The level of detail on each piece was astounding.

"You carved these?" I asked, looking back at Jacob. He nodded, and I wasn't really surprised. I was learning that Jake was a man of many talents.

"Billy taught me when I was a kid," he said.

I turned back to my perusal of the carvings, and my gaze landed on one in particular. This one was a little bigger than the others, and brilliantly detailed. Rather than an animal, it was a girl sitting on a piece of driftwood, her long hair appearing to blow in the wind. Without thinking, I picked the carving up and held it closer, studying the girl's face. There was something eerily familiar in the shape of her face, her nose…suddenly I gasped, nearly dropping the carving in my surprise.

"This is me, isn't it?" I whispered.

"Yes," his husky voice replied, mere inches from my ear. I hadn't realized he had moved in so close behind me. His warm breath on my neck made me shiver. "I carved that one the summer I was fifteen. Your last summer here."

I turned around to look at him and raised my eyes to meet his, finally allowing myself to truly appreciate every feature of his face as he continued to speak.

"This was the night of our annual fourth of July bonfire. You and Charlie came that year. Do you remember?"

"Yes. I felt so out of place, because I didn't know anyone that well, other than you and Billy."

"I know you didn't. And I knew you felt that way, I could tell." He paused for a moment, a wistful look on his face. "I wish I would have talked to you more, to make you feel included, but…I was so nervous. I wish I hadn't been."

He looked regretful and almost sad, and I fought against the urge to touch him. "Nervous? About me?" I asked.

"Definitely. I was just this awkward kid, and you were a little older than me and so beautiful. Bells, you have no idea how often I wish I'd had the balls to tell you how I felt."

I couldn't tear my gaze away from Jacob, from the dark depths of his eyes that seemed to burn me with their intensity. I wanted to tell him that I had feelings for him, too. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and grab that silky black hair of his and know what it felt like to have his lips on mine, on my skin. I wanted to tell him that Edward and I were over, and that if he wanted me, I was his. Most of all, I just wanted _him. _

It seemed like an eternity that I stood there, my heart, body, and mind all at war with one another. Jacob maintained the little bit of distance that still existed between us and I could tell he was letting me lead, though I was positive that my relationship with Edward, which Jake thought still existed, was the only thing keeping him from reaching out and grabbing me. A few simple words from me, and that last barrier between us would fall.

I couldn't say them.

I wanted to, but the increasingly annoying, logical part of me insisted that I keep up the status quo, at least for a little bit longer. Long enough to acclimate myself to no longer being with Edward. I knew I didn't have a lot of time, but I thought I could give it a few more days, at least.

So instead of telling Jacob about the break-up, I made another confession instead.

"I have feelings for you, Jake," I said softly. "Strong feelings that I'm not sure what to do with right now." That much was true.

"I know things are complicated," Jake replied. "I can give you time, if that's what you need." He smiled slightly, and reached out to take the carving which I had almost forgotten I still held. I handed it to him, and the slight brush of his fingers against mine was enough to toy with my resolve. He regarded the carving thoughtfully as he set it back down on the table. "Just don't take too much time," he said with a slight chuckle. "I can't take another ten years."

I felt some of the tension dissolve at his words, and the comfortable familiarity between us return. "I won't take that long, I promise." Suddenly I remembered Alice's suggestion. "This is going to sound funny, but are you free this weekend?"

He raised an eyebrow. "As far as I know."

"Well, Alice called me earlier and asked me to come visit her in Seattle Saturday. Her boyfriend's band is playing at a new club. Anyway, I thought maybe you'd like to go with me."

"As friends?"

"If that's okay," I said, feeling like a schmuck. Jacob immediately sensed my distress, and he was quick to reassure me.

"Bells, I'm always up for any opportunity to spend time with you, even as friends. As for everything else…I can be patient." He grinned, and I felt the tension melt the rest of the way. He could lighten a mood so easily with his smile. "Just tell me when."

"I'll have to get back with Alice, but I figure we'll leave Saturday afternoon. She wants us to spend the night since it'll be so late."

"Can we share a room?" I swatted at him and he laughed, holding up both hands in submission. "Kidding, kidding."

"Be good," I admonished with mock sternness.

"Oh, I'll be good," he replied, and winked.

"Jacob Black!" I swatted at him again.

"Okay, I'm done, put away your little fists of fury!" He backed away as if to a safe distance, still laughing. "Since we're trying to be friends and all, how about staying for dinner? I thought about ordering pizza."

"I could do that. I should call Charlie first, though."

Jacob waited while I pulled out my cell and dialed Charlie's number.

"Hey, Dad," I said when he answered.

"Hey Bells. Are you doing okay?"

"I'm feeling better. I'm actually at Jacob's house right now." Let him make of that what he wanted, I wasn't going to explain it at the moment. "He asked me to stay for dinner, so I wondered if you would be okay fending for yourself tonight."

"I've been fending for myself for years, I think I'll manage," Charlie said dryly. "So Jake's house, huh?"

"Yep."

"Don't want to talk about it with your old man, I guess."

"Nope."

"Alrighty then." I loved having such an un-nosy father. "I'll see you when you get home. Be careful driving back from La Push."

"I will. Love you, Dad."

"Love you."

After I hung up, I joined Jake at the kitchen counter, where he was waiting with his phone.

"I call mushrooms," I said.

He smiled. "I see your mushrooms and raise you pepperoni."

So the friendly atmosphere persisted the rest of the evening, with my now self-imposed barrier firmly intact, leaving me time to sort through my feelings about everything that had happened. And I told myself that I was content with that.

For now.

**So, to get to my question- I haven't decided how I want to go about the next chapter (or chapters), so I thought I'd throw this out there and see what you guys think. There's some stuff between Jacob/Bella and Bella/Alice that I want to get to before the actual night at the club, so would you rather I: A) have 2 shorter chapters, the first in BPOV with the preliminary stuff, and the second in JPOV with the club scene; or B) one long all-inclusive chapter, with split POV's? So far I've been sticking with one POV per chapter, so I figured I'd get some input before I post the next update. I aim to please, so review and let me know which you'd prefer!**


	9. Chapter 8

**Well, it took a little longer than I expected, but I'm back.**

**Thanks to all who reviewed since the last chapter and who weighed in on what you wanted for this update. The majority of you wanted one longer chapter with split POV's, so that's what I went with. I always read every review, even if I don't respond, and I take your feedback into consideration when writing, so much gratitude goes out to all of you. =) But I know that what you really care about is the next chapter, so without further ado...**

**Except of, course, to say that Twilight and all the characters therein are the property of Stephenie Meyer.  
**

Chapter 8

BPOV

It seemed that airing our feelings brought about a change between Jacob and myself. Before, it was as if we were unsure of protocol- how often we should see each other, should we talk on the phone- now those worries were a thing of the past. We saw each other as much as we wanted, which was every day.

On Wednesday Jake came by the house after work and had dinner with Charlie and me, then spent the rest of the evening in Charlie's living room watching reruns of sitcoms. On Thursday, we went to a movie, which turned out to be horrible, and spent the remainder of the night making fun of it. On Friday we met at Sue's house to have dinner with her and Charlie, something I could see becoming a pleasant ritual.

And then before I knew it, it was Saturday.

I was almost giddy with excitement when I woke up that morning. Even though Jacob still didn't know that I'd broken up with Edward, and even though we had pledged to be friends, this night at the club in Seattle was still going to be the closest thing to an actual "date" we'd ever been on. In spite of my vow to take things a little slow in the romance department, I couldn't help but feel a thrill of anticipation in my stomach at the idea of dancing with Jake.

If I danced at all, that was. I wasn't exactly known for my natural rhythm, and I was such a klutz that I feared looking completely spastic on the dance floor. For Jacob, though, I might have to make an exception. I remembered the way he looked when he came down the stairs after his shower, all that hard muscle under satin skin, and decided that I would gladly risk public humiliation for a chance to be close to him.

After my shower, I threw my toiletries into my overnight bag and double-checked that I hadn't forgotten anything. There wasn't much in there to begin with, since Alice had given me strict instructions not to pack anything for the club. That wasn't a hard rule to follow, being as I didn't own anything remotely "club-worthy" anyway, but I cringed at the thought of what Alice might be planning to put me in. Apparently she had a entire outfit waiting for me, complete with shoes and accessories.

I had asked Alice about the dress code for the club so I could pass the information along to Jacob, and she assured me that it was relatively casual and that jeans were allowed- just no t-shirts, tennis shoes, or hats. It had been on the tip of my tongue to ask her why the hell I couldn't just wear jeans then, but I figured that was an argument it might be in my best interest to avoid. It was never a good idea to set Alice off on a fashion tangent unless you wanted to clear your schedule for the next two hours.

I was slinging my bag over my shoulder when I heard a knock on the front door. I rushed down the stairs before Charlie could answer it, feeling like a teenager about to go on her first date. I was keenly aware of Charlie's amused smile as I opened the door.

"Morning, Bells," Jacob said cheerfully. "Hey, Charlie."

I wanted to throw my arms around him and I would have if Charlie hadn't been standing there, but my father had been irritating me too much about Jake the last few days as it was. Sometimes I honestly thought that _he _was more excited about our developing relationship than I was. Instead I turned to give Charlie a quick hug.

"See you tomorrow, Dad."

"Okay, hon, you two be careful. Drive safe." He gave a wave as we started down the walk. "See ya, Jake."

"Bye, Charlie!" Jacob called, before reaching around to open the Charger's passenger door. We'd agreed that it was a good idea to save my truck the trip, especially since I had the long drive back to Phoenix coming up before too long. Jacob wanted to do a complete tune-up and maybe even replace a few parts before that happened, and I couldn't say that was such a bad idea. Not that my return home was something we talked about too much. I doubted that it was an issue either of us wanted to dwell on at the moment.

I threw my bag in the backseat next to Jacob's black duffel, and we hit the road. I started thumbing through the discs in Jake's CD case, looking for road-trip music. I found some AC/DC and popped it in, winning an approving smile from Jacob.

"So, what's the flavor of the day?" I asked.

"Huh?" Jake asked before he realized what I was getting at. "Oh, haha," he said, glancing down at the bottle in his cup holder. "Energy," he informed me, grinning. "I'll need it for all that dancing we're going to do tonight."

"Dancing?" I asked tentatively. "So you were planning on dancing?"

"Well, yeah. I wouldn't pass up the chance." He threw me a suggestive smile before turning back to the road, and I had a wild moment where I considered telling him to pull the car over so we could make better use of the backseat. I still couldn't get over the way he could affect me that much with just a _look._ I took a couple of seconds to clear my head before I responded.

"You may come to regret that," I said when I was sure of my voice. "I'm a shitty dancer."

"You just need to stop over thinking it," he replied. "Just relax and feel the beat."

"So have you done much dancing?" I asked curiously. "You don't really strike me as the clubbing type, and I know you're not really into that kind of music."

"It's not really my thing, but I get dragged out a lot by some friends of mine."

"Oh," I said, my mind suddenly filled with images of Jacob pressed up against some hot, confident college chick, the type of girl who normally frequented clubs. A guy like Jake probably stayed waist deep in women, and I didn't even hope to compare to most of them. Sudden jealousy burned in my veins, hotter than I ever remembered feeling before.

Then again, I had never wanted anyone the way I wanted Jacob.

"Bells? You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered, giving him a reassuring smile. "Just looking forward to tonight."

"Okay," he replied, not pushing it. But he didn't look completely convinced.

We made good time, arriving at Alice's around lunchtime. She lived in a very modern two-story with huge plate-glass windows and blinding white carpet. It was a klutz's nightmare. I always feared I would spill something on that pristine carpet, but Alice, never one to be worried about things like that, had no problem serving me marinara sauce and red wine when I visited. I wondered what accident-waiting-to-happen she had planned for lunch.

She greeted us at the front door, hugging first me and then Jacob, much to his surprise.

"Sorry, I'm kind of a hugger," she explained, and Jacob just smiled.

"I'm used to it. My mom's a big hugger," he replied. "Thanks for inviting me to tag along with Bella."

"No problem. The more the merrier, right?" She ushered us into the living room, where a tall, lanky guy with shoulder-length blonde hair was waiting for us.

"This is Jasper," she said, beaming, and I could tell she was ecstatic over finally introducing him to me. "Jasper, this is Bella, and her friend, Jake."

"Nice to meet you both," Jasper said in a soft southern drawl. He shook my hand, and then Jake's. "Alice talks about you all the time," he told me, smiling.

"I've heard a lot about you, too," I replied.

"Hopefully just the good parts." He grinned at Alice, and she snuggled easily against his side. I loved seeing her so happy. From the way Jasper was looking at her, I could tell he was just as happy with Alice. They made an attractive couple, too, even if the difference in their heights _was _a bit comical. Jasper wasn't quite as tall as Jake, but he wasn't too far off.

"So what do you play?" Jacob asked.

"Lead guitar," Jasper replied. "I've been playing since I was in high school, but I just recently joined this band. They're a good group of guys."

The two of them settled easily into a discussion about music, and Alice took that opportunity to pull me into the kitchen.

"Do you need help with anything?," I asked, as she bustled around the kitchen finishing the lunch preparations.

"Not really, I just wanted to ask what you what you thought of Jasper."

I hid a smile. "I just met him, Alice."

"I know that! Still…first impressions?"

"He seems really nice. And he's very good-looking. But most importantly, the two of you seem happy."

"I'm so happy, Bella," Alice said with feeling. "I can see this really going somewhere."

"I hope so."

"So," she continued, as she got out plates and utensils, "how are things progressing with Jake?"

I had, of course, told Alice on the phone that Edward and I had called it quits. She hadn't seemed surprised, and she reassured me that she just wanted to see me happy. I wasn't sure if she'd talked to Edward about it yet. I hadn't heard from him since the day we broke up, not that I had really expected to. I hoped, however, that one day we might be able to be friends.

Alice had already encouraged me to pursue Jacob if that's what I wanted. She didn't seem to hold much stock in the whole "rebound" theory, but I still wasn't ready.

"We're just friends right now, Alice."

"Friends my ass. The sexual tension between you two is turning me on," Alice replied.

I sighed. "I know it's there, believe me. I just need a little more time."

"Just don't let an opportunity for happiness slip by you, okay?"

"Okay." I hesitated for a moment. "Alice, have you talked to Edward? Since Tuesday, I mean?"

"Yes," she said, looking down at the bowl in front of her. "He called me yesterday."

"So…how is he?"

She looked up, her expression thoughtful. "I'm not sure. He almost seems like he's in denial. He kept saying 'We'll have to talk more when she gets back.'"

Shit. I thought I'd made myself pretty clear, and Edward had appeared to accept it. He'd even talked about selling the condo. Now I had no idea what to expect when I got back to Phoenix. I should have known it wouldn't be as neat and easy as it had seemed on the phone.

"If he's acting like he wants to make another go at it, should I be pursuing anything with Jacob? I don't know what's the right thing to do here, Alice. I'm no good at this."

"Bella, what my brother thinks is going to happen, or what he wants to happen, have nothing to do with what _you_ want. Not anymore. You broke it off with him, very definitively, which means you're free to pursue whoever and whatever you want. You don't have to put yourself through a guilt-trip. Okay?"

I gave her a half-smile. "Okay."

"All right," Alice said, clapping her hands- a gesture I took to mean that the subject was closed. "Lunch is done. It's nothing much. Jasper has to eat fast so he can get in more rehearsal time with the band. I thought maybe the three of us could just have take-out for dinner before we go to the club."

"Sounds fine to me." I took the plates from Alice so I could help her set the table, while she called the men to lunch. She'd made pasta salad, which looked like it probably wouldn't stain. Hopefully.

Usually it was always Alice who dominated the conversation when in a group, but Jacob and Jasper seemed to control the flow at lunch. The two of them apparently had a lot of common interests, and I was happy to see Jacob at ease and enjoying himself. The four of us had no problem talking like a group of old friends, and before I knew it, it was time for Jasper to head out to rehearsal. We wouldn't have another chance to talk to him until after the show.

Alice, Jacob, and I spent the rest of the afternoon at Alice's house, just relaxing and talking. We ordered Chinese take-out and ate around the coffee table in the den while watching TV. All in all, a very low-key evening leading up to our night out.

Finally the moment of truth arrived. Alice stood and took my hand. "Time to get dressed!" she said brightly.

"Oh, God, kill me now," I groaned, and Jake snickered.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Jesus, Bella, they're _clothes_. Not instruments of torture."

"Says you."

"Humor me?" she asked.

I threw Jake a helpless look, and he shrugged. "Hey, I'm pretty excited to see what you're wearing."

"Traitor." Alice pulled me upstairs to the sound of Jake's laughter.

Thirty minutes later I was dressed and ready, all the way down to my hair and make-up, which Alice had applied for me using only the best in her cosmetic arsenal. She led me to the full-length mirror in her bedroom and I gasped at the woman I saw there.

"Holy shit," I whispered. "I actually look…"

"Hot," Alice finished for me. "Jake's eyes are going to pop out when you walk downstairs." She giggled. "Come to think of it, his eyes won't be the only thing popping-"

"Okay, okay, I get it." I gave the woman in the mirror once last glance before Alice gently shoved me in the direction of the stairs.

"Go on, I have to get dressed."

With butterflies in my stomach, I carefully descended the stairs to face the man who was waiting for me.

JPOV

I threw on my change of clothes while I waited for Bella and Alice to finish upstairs. Bella had said that I could wear jeans, so I went with a nice pair of those, a black button-down and my good shoes. It was pretty much what I normally wore to clubs, and I'd never had any complaints. I just hoped it would be enough for Bella.

I was being honest when I told her that I got dragged out to those places a lot. My two best friends from high school, Quil and Embry, used to constantly harass me to go with them until Quil met the love of his life, Claire, and got engaged. Now it was just me and Embry, but I was able to get out of it most of the time. It wasn't really my scene, although I would have been lying if I said I wasn't excited to be going somewhere like that with Bella. She seemed a little iffy on the idea of dancing, but hopefully I could change her mind. She may have put us in the friend zone temporarily, but I damn sure wasn't planning to stay there.

"Jake?" I heard her call out hesitantly from the stairs.

I immediately got to my feet and headed to the stairway in the foyer. I looked up and blinked in surprise.

From hints Alice had dropped and the way Bella had reacted, I'd guessed that whatever outfit Alice had planned was a complete one-eighty from Bella's usual, casual style. And I was right.

She came down the stairs in a teal-colored dress that bared one shoulder and kind of draped over the other side before coming back in to mold the curves of her hips and ass, ending at mid-thigh. She wore a pair of silver heels with straps that criss-crossed her slender feet. Her hair looked wavy and windblown as it tumbled down her back, and her eyes looked dark and sultry.

She reached the bottom of the steps and stopped before me. "What do you think?" she asked nervously, spinning around once. I couldn't help but notice the way the thin fabric clung to her ass, and I wondered if she was wearing another thong- she had to be.

She was looking at me, and I knew I had to say something, to pay her a compliment that would convey my appreciation. Unfortunately, there seemed to be a temporary breakdown in communication between my mouth and my brain. At the moment, my dick was the only one talking.

"God_damn_," I blurted out, feeling like a complete fucking jackass. I braced myself for Bella's response.

To my surprise, she giggled- _giggled_, for Christ's sake, her eyes lighting up.

"So that's good then?" she asked, her voice low and soft, and I felt my cock twitch in my pants. She had no fucking idea how sexy she sounded just then.

"Very good," I replied, and she flushed slightly, her trademark Bella blush. The innocence of that blush was an interesting contrast to the way she was dressed, and it just made me want her even more.

Yeah, I was in trouble.

We took my car, and luckily Alice was good at giving directions, because I didn't have a clue where I was going. We finally reached our destination and then spent what seemed like eons looking for a parking spot. Jasper's band was going to have one hell of an audience, I knew that much.

I held Bella's hand as we walked across the graveled portion of the parking lot after she tripped getting out of the car and almost did a face-plant. She smiled at me gratefully and whispered, "Thank you. Alice is apparently hoping I'll kill myself, otherwise she never would have made me wear these heels."

"I heard that," Alice replied. "I put you in those shoes because they look great on you. Anyway, I'm sure Jake won't let you fall."

"She's right on both counts," I whispered in Bella's ear, and she blushed again.

I paid Bella's cover charge at the door even though she protested that she should pay since she invited me. I hadn't said anything about her paying her own way at the movies Thursday night, but this almost felt like a date, and I wanted to show Bella that I thought of it that way. I knew she was still with Cullen, but after the past week it seemed almost more like a technicality. And when it ceased to be even a technicality, I would be there waiting.

"You can get everything next time, okay?" I said.

She smiled. "Okay. I'll hold you to that."

The club was basically a two-in-one, with a huge bar and stage downstairs and a dance club on the upper level. The stage was already set up for the band, and the tables and booths surrounding it were filling up fast.

"The dance floor doesn't even open until midnight," Alice said excitedly. "So all these people are here for the band. We better get a table."

I led the way through the crowd to a booth as close to the stage as I could get us. Bella and Alice slid in and I asked them both if they wanted anything to drink while we waited. Bella asked for a rum and coke, and Alice wanted a Grey Goose martini. I navigated my way back to the bar and ordered their drinks along with a beer for me. While I waited, I turned around to keep my eyes on Bella. Now that I was across the room I could chance staring a little. I still couldn't get over how unbelievably hot she looked. Bella was always beautiful _and _sexy to me, no matter what she was wearing, but with that dress on she would've given a monk a hard-on. I was by no means oblivious to the stares of other men in the club. I planned on keeping her close to me once we got upstairs, and not just because I wanted her there. It would also keep other guys from hitting on her, and I knew Bella well enough to know she didn't want that.

I was also aware of several women staring at _me, _but that was okay. They were shit out of luck tonight, because the only one I wanted was the dark-haired beauty in the teal dress.

The bartender handed me the drinks and I paid. I almost wanted to ask if he was joking when he told me the price. Seattle was a hell of a lot more expensive than Port Angeles, that was for damn sure. Those swizzle sticks better be made out of fucking gold.

I rejoined Bella and Alice just as the band took the stage. I slid in close to Bella and put my arm around her without a second thought. She leaned right into me without hesitating, and I was struck again by how easy everything seemed to be when we were together- effortless, natural. She was close enough that I could smell her strawberry shampoo, the sweetest scent in my world.

Jasper's band started to play, and I was immediately impressed. They definitely had their shit together. Their sound reminded me a lot of somebody like Nickelback or Theory of a Deadman, but a little edgier. We all clapped and cheered enthusiastically when Jasper broke into his first guitar solo, and for good reason.

"Dude can shred," I said loud enough for the girls to hear. Alice beamed proudly. She was obviously head over heels for the guy.

Bella stayed nestled against my side for the majority of the show, and I savored every minute of it, especially since I still wasn't sure if she would agree to dance once we got upstairs. When the band wrapped up their set, the three of us gave them a standing ovation, and we weren't alone.

We headed to the stage area and waited for Jasper to join us after he and his bandmates finished packing up. The guys all had plenty of female attention when they made it out onto the floor, but Jasper was quick to find us and scoop Alice into his arms.

"How'd we do, babe?" he asked her.

"You sounded awesome!" she squealed, and then proceeded to give him a congratulatory kiss that had me and Bella scrambling to look elsewhere.

Jasper chuckled and lowered Alice back to her feet. "Maybe we better save that for later," he said, nodding towards us. Alice giggled.

"Oops," she said apologetically.

"You play a mean guitar," I told Jasper.

"Thanks, man." He gestured behind him and called to the other band members. They joined us and he introduced everyone. We all chatted for a few minutes and then Alice, Bella, and I headed upstairs while Jasper and the band finished up downstairs.

We grabbed one of the side tables and got refills on our drinks. I was careful to keep an eye on Bella, because I doubted it would take much for her to start feeling the effects. She must have known what I was thinking, because she smiled up at me as I put her rum and coke on the table and said, "This is probably my last one."

"Okay," I replied, and left it at that. It sounded like she knew her limits.

Jasper joined us not long after that, and Alice immediately dragged him out onto the dance floor.

"Want to?" I asked, nodding in that direction. The DJ had just put on a song that I actually recognized, even though I hardly listened to hip-hop. Bella looked out into the sea of dancers with apprehension.

"Um…" she began, but before she could say anything else, a tall, leggy blonde sidled up to our table and lightly touched my shoulder.

"Want to dance?" she purred, her blue eyes giving me the once over.

In days past, I knew exactly how this would go. I'd accept, we'd grind it out to a bunch of songs I'd never heard of, knock back a few drinks, and inevitably she'd invite me back to her place. And because I just wasn't one a night-night-stand kind of guy, we'd end up going on a few miserable dates before we realized we didn't have a single thing in common. Thanks, but no thanks.

I gave the blonde what I hoped was a friendly but detached smile. "Well, actually I-"

"Actually, _we_ were just getting ready to dance," Bella said icily, and she grabbed my hand and led me out to the floor without giving the blond a second glance.

"I was sitting right fucking there, practically in your lap, and she acts like I don't exist," Bella said, as pissed as I'd ever seen her. I laughed softly as I grabbed her hips and pulled her firmly against me, earning an audible gasp.

"Relax, Bells," I said into her ear. "You're the only one I want to dance with."

With that in mind, I still wasn't sure exactly how much into the dancing I should get. She still had a boyfriend after all, and I'd made a promise to myself to behave until that (hopefully) changed. But we were friends, and friends could dance together, right?

I moved experimentally to the beat, waiting to see if Bella would go along with it. She did, but a little stiffly, self-consciously.

"Remember what I said in the car," I told her. "Feel the beat. Don't worry about how you look or who's watching. Pretend it's just you and me."

She looked at me thorough lowered lashes. "Trust me, it's all I can do to _not _act like it's just you and me."

_Fuck._

She was going to kill me with that shit. I reflexively tightened my hold on her and she finally loosened up enough to swivel her hips to the beat. We locked eyes as she moved against me sinuously, her delicate hands sliding up my chest to my shoulders. I groaned internally and willed my hands to stay on her hips, but they seemed to have a mind of their own as they slid over the smooth fabric of her dress and came to rest just at the top of her ass. No, she was not wearing a thong. From the feel of things, she was wearing a g-string. Christ.

The song changed to a slightly slower-paced one, and Bella turned around to press her backside to me. I buried my nose in her hair and inhaled deeply as our bodies moved together to the beat, both of us oblivious to the other people around us. At a sudden change in the rhythm, Bella shocked me by bending at the waist and grinding back against me. I hadn't expected her to relax enough to pull of _that _move, and my body reacted instantaneously as she slowly straightened back up and resumed her previous swaying. For once I wished I wasn't so goddamn tall; my erection was probably jabbing her in the spine. She stopped moving for a moment, and I could tell she felt it.

She leaned back against me and sighed, her eyes sliding closed. "_Jake_," she said throatily, so low I almost didn't hear her.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

I'd never wanted anybody as much as I wanted Bella in that moment. It was all I could do not to haul her out to my car and show her how roomy the backseat actually was. But she wasn't a single woman, and I wasn't going to be that guy. And I wouldn't allow Bella to be that woman. She was better than that, and she deserved better than a quick backseat fuck. I needed to take control of the situation _now. _

"Bella," I said, speaking right into her ear. "I think maybe we should take a break, sit down for a sec."

She turned around to look up at me, and her soft brown eyes met mine with a look of guilt mixed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry," she muttered.

"Bells, don't," I said firmly. "Nothing to be sorry for." She nodded, and I gave her an encouraging smile, finally earning one in return. "Everything's fine," I continued, smoothing her hair back from her face. "Let's go sit and…cool off."

I led Bella back to our table, where Alice and Jasper had just returned to get a drink. Alice grabbed Bella's hand.

"Bathroom break," she said, and they headed off in the direction of the restrooms.

"So," Jasper said conversationally, "are you and Bella dating, or friends?Alice says 'it's complicated.'" He made quick air quotes on the last part.

"Yeah, it is, I guess. I'm not sure what the hell we're doing right now. She still has a boyfriend, so-"

"Alice's brother? Alice said they broke up last week."

I almost choked on my beer. "What?"

Jasper grimaced. "Oh, shit. I think that's one of those things I was supposed to know not to repeat. Look, man, let's keep that between us. If Alice finds out I said anything…"

"No, it's cool," I said, regaining my composure. "I won't bring it up."

_Bells, why didn't you tell me?_ I thought. _What are you afraid of?_

At least that better explained her lack of restraint while dancing. She _was_ a single woman now. And she obviously wanted _me._

Elation surged through my veins, leaving me almost light-headed. I had to stop myself from grinning like a fucking idiot in front of Jasper. I knew Bella had feelings for me, she'd admitted it, and with Edward out of the picture things could really progress between us. The only thing keeping me in check was Bella's lie of omission. She obviously had some reason for keeping her break-up from me, and I hoped that I would soon find out why.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Jasper was saying. "I'm sure Bella had a good reason. I know she's got thing for you. I've got insider info, you know," he said, referring to Alice.

"Thanks, man," I said, thinking that Jasper seemed like a guy I could really be friends with. I could honestly use more of those. Quil and I didn't hang out as much anymore now that he was engaged, and I was getting tired of trolling for ass with Embry. I hung out with Seth a lot, and although he was a good guy and like a brother to me, we didn't really didn't have a lot in common- especially since Seth was a few years younger and a little on the immature side. Jasper seemed like a pretty solid, level-headed person.

We talked for a couple more minutes until Bella and Alice returned from the longest bathroom break in the history of mankind. Bella sat down next to me, looking slightly perturbed, and I wondered what she and Alice had talked about while they were gone.

"Everything okay, honey?" I asked softly, and she stared at me with wide eyes.

I'd never called her an endearment like that before. "Bells" didn't really count; I'd just picked that up from Charlie. I hadn't meant to say it, but it slipped out naturally, automatically. I watched as Bella's shocked expression changed to a gorgeous smile.

"Everything's fine," she said. "Really."

We hung out at the club a little while longer and Bella and I tried dancing again, but kept it slightly more subdued. We left when Bella started yawning. Alice rode back to her house with Jasper, while Bella and I followed them in my car.

Alice had two guestrooms upstairs and had them ready for us to crash. We said goodnight to her and Jasper, who quickly retreated to the master bedroom.

"I had a lot of fun with you tonight, Jacob," Bella said earnestly. We were lingering outside her bedroom door, unwilling to leave each other's presence.

"Me, too." _Tell me, Bella. Tell me it's over between you and Cullen. Tell me and I can kiss you the way I've been dreaming about for damn near a month._

"Well…night, then. See you in the morning," was all she said.

"Night, Bells."

She hurried into her room and closed the door softly behind her. I went into the room designated as mine, stripped down to my boxers and crawled into bed, frustrated and painfully aware that the woman I loved was just down the hall.

**So what do you think? Was it hot? Sexy? Utterly craptastic? What do you think about Jasper spilling the beans? **

**Next chapter will be BPOV, and trust me when I say that things are going to come to a head. I'm squealing like Alice!  
**


	10. Chapter 9

**Just a quick note to start us off- This story is rated M for a reason, so be ye forewarned. That is all.**

**And Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, of course.  
**

Chapter 9- BPOV

I tossed and turned for a long time that night. I tried to blame it on different surroundings and a strange bed, but I'd stayed at Alice's house before so that was a weak argument. I knew the real reason I couldn't sleep was the fact that Jacob was just down the hall.

I wondered if he was having as much trouble nodding off as I was. Our evening together had been sexually charged, to say the least. I couldn't believe how badly I wanted him. More than that, though, I realized that I was in love with him. And still, I was scared of making that leap.

I was a freaking mess.

Alice had called me out on everything when she'd dragged me to the bathroom with her. Apparently, my wishy-washy attitude was becoming too much for her nerves. I was still reeling from the heady bliss of my close contact with Jake and didn't immediately notice the pissed-off expression marring Alice's delicate features until she blew up at me.

"What the fuck, Bella?"

I nearly dropped my lip-gloss into the sink in my surprise. "What?" I asked, bewildered.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Don't play dumb. I saw the way you were practically dry-humping Jake."

I stared at her, confused as all hell. Had she all of a sudden decided to champion Edward? What in the name of God was going on? "Alice, I thought that you _wanted_ me to pursue something with-"

"Jesus, Bella, you're thick as a brick wall sometimes. I haven't changed my mind about you and Jacob. But you still haven't told him, have you?"

"No…not yet."

"What are you waiting for, an open invitation? Look, it's one thing to keep this to yourself if you and Jake are doing the "just friends" thing. And don't get me wrong, friends can dance at a club. But you weren't exactly dancing with him as a friend, now were you?"

I lowered my eyes guiltily, remembering how I had deliberately tried to turn Jake on and the way I had leaned into his obvious erection afterwards. I suddenly saw what Alice was getting at.

"Jacob _thinks _you're still with Edward, and yet here you are grinding on him. I could tell he wasn't sure what to do. He wants to play the good guy, Bella, and you're making it difficult for him."

I bit my lip as I returned Alice's gaze, feeling properly chastised. "You're right, you're absolutely right." I heaved a sigh. "I'll tell him."

"Tonight?"

"Yes."

I'd been all set to do it. After my conversation with Alice and then Jake calling me "honey," I'd felt that maybe Alice was right after all, and it was time. I had the perfect opportunity to come clean while we were standing outside the door to my room. I'd looked into his eyes and imagined how good it would feel to admit that I was single, admit how much I wanted him, admit all of it.

And then I'd just said "goodnight" instead.

_Chicken shit._

Now I had to worry not only about telling Jake the truth, but about the lecture I was going to get from Alice in the morning.

I rolled over for the fortieth time, buried my face into my pillow, and finally fell asleep with knots in my stomach.

I woke up after what seemed like thirty minutes, and truth be told it probably wasn't much more than that. It had been late when we made it in, and after all the time I spent fighting sleep it was probably close to dawn by the time I nodded off, anyway. I looked at the bedside clock and saw it was a little after nine. Three, three and half hours? Nice.

Then I smelled the food cooking downstairs and my growling stomach forced me to get up. I opened the bedroom door, armed with clothes and toiletries, and listened. I could hear Alice, Jasper and Jacob talking downstairs, so I sprinted to the bathroom and took a quickie shower. I threw on my jeans and tank and did the best I could with my hair before heading downstairs.

I was surprised to find Jake and Alice sitting at the kitchen table and Jasper at the stove. He grinned at me over his shoulder.

"Alice told me I was the cook for the day."

"He makes a mean Belgian waffle," Alice replied, smiling. She didn't look particularly upset with me, but I wasn't so sure that a lecture wasn't still forthcoming. Jacob greeted me with a smile and leaned over to pull a chair out for me.

"Morning, Bells," he said, and although his voice sounded normal enough, I could tell he was a bit more subdued than usual. I wondered if, once again, Alice was right about everything. Maybe Jacob thought I was leading him on, or just trying to have my cake and eat it, too. Ugh. I needed to just get over myself. I vowed to tell him on the drive. Or right when he dropped me off. Yeah, that sounded good.

"Hi, Jake," I replied, and tried to smile as normally as possible. I wasn't sure if it worked, but luckily we were all soon distracted by the huge stack of waffles and platter of crispy bacon that Jasper set down on the table. I took a bite of waffle and was in heaven.

"Oh my God," I said happily, still chewing. "These are awesome, Jasper."

"Forget the band, Jazz, you should open a diner," Jacob joked. _Jazz? _When the hell did that start? It looked like they were getting along even better than I thought.

I was pretty quiet after that, content to just eat, listen to the banter between Jake, Jasper, and Alice, and try not to think about my upcoming confession. Breakfast went by all too quickly, and then it was time for us to head back to Forks.

We said our goodbyes and Alice hugged me extra long at the door as she whispered in my ear, "I know you bitched out last night. Tell him soon." She pulled back to look at me sternly.

"Okay," I said feebly, and she must have seen the genuine worry on my face, because her expression softened.

"Everything will be okay."

"Thanks, Alice." I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and then joined Jake in the car.

The ride home was tense, and I hated it. For the first time ever Jake and I were experiencing a uncomfortable silence. Even worse, this one never seemed to end. It dragged on for almost the entire trip back, during which we both pretended to listen to the radio. Our brief attempts at conversation fell flat and I knew it was my fault, all because I was afraid of putting myself out there, of taking the chance on another relationship.

We finally pulled up in front of Charlie's and Jake turned the car off. We both sat there in silence, unwilling to end the trip on such an awkward note, and I knew it was now or never. I turned to Jacob, ready to lay it all out there at last.

"Bells, I know you broke up with Cullen," Jacob said quietly, and my mouth dropped open in surprise.

"How?" I asked.

"Jasper let it slip," he informed me, his dark eyes coming to rest on mine. "Alice might not like that, so don't mention it to her."

I wasn't sure what to say, so I nodded mutely, still caught up in Jake's intense stare.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" he asked, and I could sense slight resentment in his tone. "I thought for sure you'd say something last night, and then you didn't."

"I was afraid," I said honestly. "This all seems to be happening so fast, and I thought- I thought maybe I should give it time. But I knew we didn't _have _time…I've been so confused." I swallowed past a sudden lump in my throat. "I'm sorry, Jake, I wasn't trying to lead you on or be a tease or make you mad-" I was babbling now, afraid that I'd royally screwed up everything and ruined my chance with the one man I'd ever felt I could truly be myself with, the one man who seemed to understand me. Tears began to form in the corners of my eyes. "I'm just so sorry that-"

"Stop apologizing, Bella," Jake growled, and before I could process what was happening, his mouth was on mine, effectively shutting me up.

His lips were soft but insistent and mine parted of their own volition, granting his tongue access. This was no hesitant, gentle first kiss. Jacob hauled me against him as much as he could in the confines of the front seat and took full possession of my mouth, and I found myself responding without thought, meeting his tongue with mine again and again. I'd spent so much time thinking about what it would be like to kiss Jake, and it was better than anything I could have imagined. It felt warm and sexy and _right. _

Jacob pulled away after a few minutes, allowing us a chance to breathe. He rested his forehead on mine, still holding me close.

"I'm not going to apologize for pushing you, Bells," he said. "I need you to know how I feel." He smoothed the hair back from my forehead, and his touch was so tender that it made me start to tear up again. He was just turning me into a blubbering mess. "I love you, Bella."

I met his dark eyes with my own tear-filled ones. "Oh, Jake," I whispered. I wanted to say it back, so badly, but once again my fears were getting in the way.

"It's okay, honey," he said, as if reading my mind. "I know a lot has changed for you this last week. I don't expect declarations right now. I just needed to tell you that, so that you know where I stand. I'm here, Bells, and I'm not going anywhere. I told you once that I can be patient, and I meant it. All I want is for you to be honest with me."

"I will. I promise." I let out a shaky breath, trying to regain my composure. "It's not that I don't want this, want _you._ I just need a little time to process everything."

"I know." He kissed me once more, very gently, and released me. "You better get in there and see how Charlie's doing."

He was right, I did need to check on my dad. "Okay," I replied. "Regardless of anything, I'll call you later."

"I'll be there."

I watched Jacob drive off before I went inside, my mind and heart still working out what had just happened. I found Charlie in the living room with the ironing board out, ironing one of his dress shirts.

"Dad, I could have done that if you wanted," I said.

"I'm used to it," he said, stopping to give a hug. "It's been boring as hell around here, anyway, so I figured I might as well get ready for my big day back."

"Are you sure you're going to be okay driving and getting around?"

"I'll be fine, hon. So how was Seattle?"

"Good," I said, thinking back not to Seattle but to the kiss Jake and I had just shared in the car. "We had fun. It was nice to see Alice, and her boyfriend seems like a great guy."

"I'm glad you had a good time."

"I'm going upstairs, I really didn't have time to get a good shower in this morning. Then I might take a nap, actually."

"Late night?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah, I'm not used to those anymore. Not used to clubs, period." I yawned and headed upstairs. "Just let me know if you need anything, okay?"

"Sure thing."

I took a long, leisurely shower, shaving everything again even though I didn't really need to and deep conditioning my hair. I wrapped up in my fuzzy bathrobe and went into my bedroom, fully intending to take a nap. Yet once I actually crawled into bed, I couldn't sleep. My mind kept replaying Jacob's kiss, and the look in his eyes when he told me he loved me. I hated being afraid. I still feared things not working out, but I wanted so much to be with Jake. I was deep in thought, and jumped when my dad cracked the door open.

"Sorry, hon, just checking on you. Even at your age, I still have that urge."

"It's okay, I can't sleep." He started to turn around and I stopped him. "Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you ever sorry you took a chance with Mom?"

Charlie looked surprised at the question, but there was no hesitation in his voice when he answered. "No. I've never regretted one day that I got to spend with your mother. Sometimes we take chances in life that don't work out. But if you never take chances, you'll always wonder what if."

"Thanks, Dad," I said, jumping out of bed to give him an impulsive hug. Then I shooed him out. "I need to get dressed."

"Why? I thought you were going to nap."

"No," I said, smiling brightly. It had taken my father's words to finally free me, and I wasn't going to waste another minute. "I'm going to La Push."

I grinned like an idiot the entire drive to La Push, my heart hammering crazily in my chest as I pushed the limits of the truck's speedometer. Now that I'd finally made my decision I couldn't wait to get to Jacob. The trees lining the road flew by me as I tested what my old truck was really made of.

I drove straight to the beach and pulled up in Jake's gravel driveway, apprehension setting in for the first time. I'd be in such a hurry to get there that I hadn't even bothered to call first. He'd said he would be home later, but what if he had to step out for a moment?

I'd wait, I decided. I'd put him through enough in the last few days that I could handle waiting on his porch like a goof if that was the case. I bounded up his front steps resolutely and knocked on the door. I waited a moment, but there was no answer.

"Jake?" I called, feeling foolish. I glanced over at the garage, but the door was closed and I couldn't tell if his car was inside. With a sigh I went back down the steps and walked around the side of the house, towards the beach.

He was there, walking along the water's edge. I stopped for a moment just to look at him, the man I loved. He was shirtless and his messy black hair whipped in the wind. He was so beautiful my heart ached.

It was just like my dream- I had been looking for something, _someone, _without even realizing it. And all this time, Jacob had been waiting for me.

I started walking closer to him, picking my way carefully over the pebbly beach, and called his name into the wind. He looked up at the sound of my voice and immediately began jogging over the rocks and sand to meet me halfway. We stopped a couple of feet from each other, and I could feel my heart resume its labored pace.

"I thought you needed time," he said, an amused glint in his eyes.

I shrugged. "I was wrong." I looked him full in the face, finally allowing myself to fall completely into the black depths of his eyes. "I love you," I said simply.

He closed the gap between us so fast that I barely had time to register the fact before his lips found mine. I reached up to lace my fingers into his shaggy, silky hair and dragged his head down to mine, holding him closer as our tongues caressed and tasted each others. Then Jake grabbed the backs of my thighs and hoisted me off the ground, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, moaning softly as I felt the evidence of his arousal. He abandoned my mouth to trail hot kisses across my cheek to my ear, and then back down my neck.

"Tell me again," he said huskily, and I felt my insides quiver at the longing in his voice.

"I love you, Jacob Black. I love you so-"

I didn't get a chance to finish before his mouth was on mine again, and then we were moving. I heard the pebbles crunch under his feet as he carried me across the beach toward his house, and although I didn't open my eyes, I could tell when we reached the yard and the crunch turned into the soft thud of footsteps on grass. We hurried across the deck and I heard the sliding glass door open, felt the cool blast of the air-conditioning, and then heard the door shut again. I could tell we were moving up and I realized Jacob was carrying me upstairs.

"You don't have to carry me," I protested, breaking our kiss.

"Please, you're light as air," he replied, his eyes gleaming at me in the semi-shadow. The next thing I felt was the soft give of the mattress as he deposited me on his bed. He leaned over me, his eyes half-closed as he looked at me with so much love and desire that it took my breath away. No one, not even Edward, had ever looked at me like that.

"I love you, Bella," he said softly, snaking his hands under my shirt and running them up my stomach to just under my breasts. His hands were unbelievably warm, and big enough that they spanned my entire ribcage. I looked up at him, hoping that my eyes conveyed the depth of emotion I felt.

"I love you too, Jacob. So much."

He seemed almost to tremble at my words as he grabbed the edge of my shirt and slowly drew it over my head while I braced myself on my elbows. I held that position as he reached behind me and deftly unhooked my bra, leaving me bare from the waist up. He tossed both garments off to the side and I fell back onto the bed again, reaching up to draw him closer.

"You're so beautiful, Bells," he whispered in my ear, and then he gently palmed my breasts as his tongue traced over my parted lips. His thumbs grazed my nipples and they hardened at his touch. I gasped and arched towards him. I needed more.

He lowered his head to my right breast and took my nipple in his mouth, swirling his tongue over it before nipping it slightly with his teeth. He used his hand to tease my other nipple, rolling and pinching it between his thumb and index finger. I hissed in a breath and dove my hands into his hair again, holding his head where I wanted it. He looked up and grinned wickedly at me before moving on to treat my other breast to his warm tongue.

"Feels so good…Jake…" I whimpered incoherently. It seemed like so long since I had felt anything like this, since I had been this turned on. He bit my other nipple in response and I felt myself grow impossibly wetter. I felt his hands slide down to the waist of my jeans and then release the button and zipper. He sat back and pulled my jeans and panties off in one fluid movement.

"Fuck, Bells," Jake suddenly growled, and I saw that he'd noticed that I was shaved completely bare. I gave him what I hoped what a wicked smile of my own.

"Like it?" I asked.

Instead of replying, he cupped me with his hand, his fingers dancing along my slick folds. "What do you think?" he asked. He brought his fingers to his mouth and licked them slowly, holding my gaze as he did so. "I need to taste more of that."

"Oh, God," I moaned as he lowered his head between my legs. At the first brush of his tongue I jerked involuntarily, grabbing fistfuls of the sheet.

"Easy, Bells," he said softly in between slow, torturous licks, "just relax. I've been thinking about doing this for weeks, and I'm going to take my time."

And take his time he did. Each swipe of his tongue was bringing me closer to the edge, but he was determined to take it slow and drag out my pleasure. Finally, when I was starting to wonder if I could take any more, he began to increase his tempo, concentrating on the small bundle of nerves where I so desperately needed him. He slipped first one and then two fingers inside me, keeping an even rhythm as I teetered on the edge of release.

When my orgasm hit it rocked my entire body. "Oh Jake, oh _fuck_," I cried as it ripped through me in waves, and I arched off the bed, legs trembling.

Jacob raised his head and smiled at me before placing a gentle kiss on my inner thigh. "I've wanted to do that for so long," he said quietly. "Not just weeks, Bella- years. I fell in love with you when I was fifteen, and I never really stopped. When you walked into the garage that day it just started all over again. It's always been you, Bells."

My heart swelled at his words and I wondered how I could have been so blind all those years ago to not see the way he felt about me. I reached down to stroke his cheek, marveling at the turns we kept taking- tender and loving one minute, playful and lusty the next. It didn't seem strange to me at all. It was right. It was _us._

I sat up and so did he, and we met in the middle of the bed. I kissed him long and deep, feeling my arousal flame anew. We were far from done.

"I love you, Jake," I said, serious for a moment. Then I smiled. "But you still have far too many clothes on."

"I guess you're right about that," he said.

"Let me fix that," I replied, and I unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, pulling them off along with his boxers. I ran my hands along his muscled chest and abs, relishing the feel of his silky skin under my palms before reaching down to encircle his hard, hot length with my hand.

A groan slid forth from Jake's lips as I stroked him from base to tip. "Don't move," I said, and he obediently stayed on his knees on the bed as I bent down to take him in my mouth. I swirled my tongue around the tip of his cock and was rewarded with more sounds of pleasure.

He only let me continue for couple of minutes before stopping me. "Wait, Bells." I looked up at him with my mouth still wrapped around him and he swore softly. "I need to be inside you," he said.

He pulled away from me and pushed me gently back on the bed. He kissed me, slowly this time, and then suddenly his expression changed to one of utter panic.

"Oh, _fuck _me," he moaned, and I knew he wasn't meaning it in a sexual way.

"What is it, Jake? What's wrong?" I cried, alarmed.

He shook his head at me apologetically. "Goddamn it to hell. I don't have any condoms."

I looked at his tortured expression and burst out laughing. "Relax, baby," I said, "I'm on the pill."

"Oh, thank God," Jake replied, and then my laughter stopped immediately at the look of sheer need on his face.

"I want you inside me, Jacob," I whispered. "Make love to me, please?"

"Bella," he said reverently, as he thrust himself inside me.

His thickness filled me completely, and I welcomed it. I couldn't remember ever having wanted anyone this much. He sat up and gripped my legs, pulling me onto his cock in time to his thrusts. I was still sensitive from my earlier orgasm and the feel of him inside me was enough to bring me close again. My walls tightened around him and I knew he felt it, too.

"Fuck, Bells, I'm not going to last long at this rate."

"It's okay," I panted, "I'm not either." As soon as I said it I felt myself tip over the edge. This time my climax was deeper and I found I couldn't even form words. I gazed into Jacob's eyes as I rode the waves of pleasure, and he followed me moments later, shuddering with the force of his release. I watched his face as he came and thought that I had never seen anything more magnificent. He was an amazing man, and he was mine.

My Jacob.

He pulled out and collapsed on the bed next to me to avoid crushing me, and immediately pulled me onto his chest. I rested my head close to his heart, hearing the steady thump as it gradually slowed to normal. For several moments we were quiet, just listening to each other breathe. And then Jacob chuckled.

"What?" I asked, raising my head to see what was so funny.

"I was just thinking about what an epic fail it would have been if you weren't on the pill," he replied.

I giggled. "Oh, that would have sucked. You weren't too prepared, huh?"

He shrugged. "What can I say, it's been awhile. And even after we kissed in the car earlier, I never expected you to come by here today looking for sex."

"Hey," I said, pretending to be insulted, "I wasn't just looking for sex."

"I know." He traced my lower lip with his finger and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Suddenly, my stomach growled loudly. "God, that's embarrassing."

"Hungry?"

"Starving," I admitted.

"Me too. How would you feel about me making you dinner?"

"That depends. Can you cook?" I teased.

Jake grinned. "I needed to learn, and Sue was a great teacher."

"In that case, it sounds great."

Jake slipped his jeans back on sans boxers and I pulled on my shirt with my panties. It was obvious that neither of us was planning an end to the day's activities any time soon, I thought with a smile. Which meant I needed to call Charlie.

I dialed him from my cell while Jacob decided what to make for dinner. "Hi, Dad," I said when he answered.

"Hi there. Calling from Jake's?" Charlie asked.

"Yeah. He's making me dinner."

"Aren't you supposed to have dinner first? It's been awhile since I've done this kind of thing."

My mouth dropped open. I was sure that Charlie wasn't naïve enough to think that we weren't going to sleep together eventually, but it was another thing entirely for him to allude to that fact. "Dad!"

Charlie laughed. "It's okay, hon. Should I expect you home tonight?"

Hell, there was no point in beating around the bush now. "Probably not," I replied.

"Okay, then. Maybe I'll call Sue since you're not going to be here."

"Enough said." Discussing my sex life with Charlie was bad enough; I wasn't going to talk about his, too. "I love you, Dad," I said hastily.

"Love you, too, Bells. See you tomorrow."

I hung up, shaking my head.

"What?" Jake asked, glancing over his shoulder. "Hey, how do lamb chops sound? I had a couple in the freezer."

"Pretty good, actually." I leaned against the kitchen counter. "So, Charlie knows you got laid."

"Well…that's awkward."

"I guess. But he's been in your corner since the first day I got back to town. So trust me, he's fine with it."

Jacob laughed. "That's good to know, I guess."

"Yeah," I said, "especially since it won't be the last time. So hurry up with those chops." I rounded the counter and pressed myself against Jake, sliding my hands inside his jeans and over his firm backside. "I have a feeling I'll be hungry for something else again soon."

**So...this was my first lemon. How did I do? Be gentle ;)**

**Also, I'm leaving for vacation in about a week, so I'm going to try my best to update one more time before then since I won't have a chance to write while I'm gone. So Chapter 10 should be up by the 24th!  
**


	11. Chapter 10

**I'm glad you all seemed to like the last chapter! And thank you for all the compliments on my first lemon. It has emboldened me, as you will soon see in this citrus-infused chapter. We'll soon get back to more serious stuff, but for now I thought Jake and Bella deserved to have some more fun- we've all waited for it long enough ;)**

**Twilight and all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.  
**

Chapter 10- JPOV

"I have a feeling I'll be hungry for something else again soon," Bella said, looking up at me through lowered lashes. Her hands were still inside my jeans, palming my ass, and I felt myself grow hard again. Now that the first time was behind me, little Jake was already gearing up for round two.

I ran my hands up her shirt and cupped her soft breasts, feeling her nipples harden under my palms. "How soon are we talking about?" I asked huskily.

Her breath caught in her throat for a moment, but she recovered and gave me a sexy smile. I had a feeling Bella wanted the upper hand for the moment. "Well…if you're up for it," she teased, "I'd say we might have to wait a few minutes to get started on those chops."

"Oh, I'm definitely up for it," I replied, and I flipped her shirt up and over her head in one swift movement. Her delicate pink nipples were standing erect and begging me to taste them, so I did, taking first one and then the other into my mouth. I slid my hand in between her legs and felt how wet she already was. I started to stroke her but she pushed me back.

"Not so fast," she said, grinning. She kept backing me up until my hips hit the kitchen counter. "I said I was hungry, didn't I?"

I watched as she undid the button and zipper on my jeans and then slowly slid them down my legs. My cock sprang to full attention, freed of the constricting denim. Bella stroked me firmly and seemed to be gauging the distance from the floor to my dick.

"I'm going to need a chair for this," she said finally, and I couldn't help but laugh as she yanked a chair from the kitchen table and dragged it in front of me. Then my chuckle died on my lips as she grasped my hips and took the head of my cock into her mouth.

Her lips and tongue had felt amazing when we were upstairs earlier, but I'd been so anxious to be inside her that I hadn't been able to fully appreciate it. Now I could relax and take in the incredible feeling of her warm mouth as she licked and teased me. She spent a few moments lavishing attention on just the head, swirling her tongue around it before finally taking me all the way into her mouth. I moaned as I felt myself hit the back of her throat. She hummed low in response, the vibrations traveling up and down my shaft as she set a steady rhythm, wrapping one hand around the base to guide me in and out of her mouth while her other hand cupped my balls. I could feel my legs getting weak and I held onto the edge of the counter for support.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, losing all sense of time and place. Every part of me was focused on Bella and the sensations she was invoking. When I felt myself getting close, I looked down at Bella to find her looking up at me. Just like it had earlier in my bedroom, the sight of her with me filling her mouth was enough to drive me insane. Without breaking eye contact she started working me even faster, and I couldn't hold out any more.

"_Fuck_," I said through gritted teeth as I came in her mouth. She swallowed every drop, never pulling away until she was sure I was done. Then she licked her lips and gave me a devious smile.

"Need to sit down?"

I exhaled a shaky breath. "Maybe." Bella smirked as she stood up and offered me her chair. I plopped into it with my jeans still around my ankles and felt the blood slowly start to return to my brain. "Goddamn," I muttered, and Bella chuckled as she started to step around me.

I grabbed her around the waist to stop her. "And just what do you think you're doing?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "I was going to defrost the chops while you…recover." Her voice had a teasing lilt to it at the end.

"I'm not done with you, yet," I replied, and before she could even respond I yanked off the thong she was wearing and slid two fingers inside her.

She gasped, but her surprise only lasted a split second. Then she was grinding against my hand, holding on to my shoulders for support.

"You like that, baby?" I asked softly. She moaned and nodded, her big, brown eyes locked on mine. I slowly circled her clit with my thumb, keeping time to the thrust of my fingers. "You're so wet, Bells."

"Oh, God, Jake."

"Fuck, I love it when you moan my name." She had no idea what she did to me. I'd just gotten off not more than two minutes ago, and _still_ all I could think about was how much I wanted her. I slid off the chair into the floor and replaced my thumb with my mouth, keeping my fingers inside her warmth as I teased her with my tongue. I would never get tired of tasting her.

I heard her breathing quicken and I increased my pace, feeling her hands find their way into my hair. Moments later, she stiffened and I felt her walls clench around my fingers.

"Jacob," she cried out, and my name on her lips as she came was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard.

I stood up and wrapped my arms around her, holding her close as her heart rate slowed.

"Holy shit," she mumbled into my chest, and we both laughed.

"Okay, seriously now…I need some fucking food," I said, a statement which was punctuated by a loud rumble from my stomach.

"Okay, okay," Bella replied, stepping back with a smile. She snagged her shirt off the floor and slipped it over her head, then stepped into her panties while I finally managed to yank my jeans back up. I put the lamb chops on a plate and put them in the microwave to defrost while I started mixing the marinade Sue had taught me the recipe for.

"Hey, Bells, there should be a bottle of wine in that cabinet to your left," I said, pointing. She opened it and produced a bottle of pinot grigio, which she then handed to me. I found my corkscrew and opened the wine, pouring some into the marinade before corking the bottle again and sticking it in the fridge.

"We can have the rest with dinner," I said.

Bella watched me with an amused expression, her arms folded across her chest.

"What?" I asked.

"Just you…cooking, without a shirt on…" she broke off, smiling. "Just when I think you can't be any sexier…I find something new that adds to it."

"Thanks, but I have to respectfully point out that I am _not _the sexiest person in this kitchen. That honor goes to you, Bells."

We bantered back and forth while I finished up the marinade and used it to coat the defrosted chops. Since we were both hungry, I decided to let the chops sit for fifteen minutes instead of thirty. While I waited I found some potatoes to bake and Bella pulled enough produce out of my refrigerator to make a half-assed salad. I thought about how natural it seemed that one minute we were engaging in oral sex in the middle of the kitchen, and the next we were making dinner together. It was something I never could have seen myself doing with any other woman I'd ever been with. But I guess that's the difference in actually being in love.

Bella passed by me to put the completed salad in the fridge to keep cold, and I impulsively grabbed her and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"I love you," I said, just because I loved saying it.

"I love you, too," she replied, and we shared a smile.

Dinner turned out even better than I expected. I wasn't a bad cook by any means, but I doubted my skills when it came to untested recipes. Bella raved about the lamb chops, and I decided I would definitely have to thank Sue for that one later.

We cleaned up the kitchen and took care of the dishes together, Bella rinsing while I loaded the dishwasher. It didn't take long, and when we were done Bella leaned against the counter with a strange smile on her face.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"This may sound weird, but would it be okay with you if we just veg out for awhile?"

I cocked an eyebrow. "Why would that be weird?"

She looked down, toying with the hem of her shirt. "I guess it just seems funny for us to just…watch TV or whatever on the first night we've ever spent together."

I walked over to her and pulled her into my arms. "Bells, nothing between us will ever be weird, okay? I love you, and I love spending time with you. No matter what we do. Actually, after all that food, being lazy on the couch for awhile sounds pretty damn good." I looked down at her, smiling, and was surprised to see the faintest hint of wetness in the corners of her eyes. I rubbed at one gently with my thumb. "What is it, honey?"

"This is going to sound dumb, but you don't know how much it means to me that you want to just spend time with me, doing nothing. I'm not used to that."

"You and Edward never spent any downtime together?" I asked, perplexed.

"Not usually, no. Unless you count me trying to read on the couch while he bangs away at his laptop as downtime."

I had been right all along. Cullen _was_ a douche. Any man who would pass up a chance to cuddle on the couch with this beautiful, sweet, amazing woman and savor the feel of her in his arms was a fucking asshat. I hated that Bella was so unaccustomed to the simple pleasure of spending a relaxing evening at home with the one she loved. Well, she sure as hell wasn't going to miss out on that with me.

"I'm all yours, Bella. We can do whatever you want."

She smiled at me, a thankful, loving smile that pulled at my heart. "I want Ben and Jerry's," she said finally. "I know you have some because I saw it in the freezer. I want to dig into that pint of Phish Food you've got in there and watch something completely hilarious that doesn't require a lot of thought process."

I tried to stifle a laugh but couldn't quite manage it. "Okay," I said, "funny and easy on the brain. I have the newest season of South Park on DVD."

"Sounds good to me."

I grabbed the ice cream and two spoons and we curled up together on the couch. We shared the Phish Food and laughed our asses off at the kids from Colorado. If anyone had told me a month ago that I would soon be sitting in my living room half-naked, eating ice cream and watching South Park with Bella Swan, I would have told them they were fucking crazy. It was the last thing I'd ever imagined I would be doing, but at that moment there was no other place I'd rather be.

Four episodes later, we had reached the end of the first disk and the Ben and Jerry's was long gone. I leaned away from Bella to stretch and rubbed my still-full stomach. "I definitely need to get a workout in tomorrow after this."

Bella turned around and folded her hands on my chest before propping her chin on them. "Mind if I come with you? I usually hit the gym a few times a week to run, but I've been a slug since I got here."

"You're welcome to join me, but I have to warn you, my gym is in my garage and my 'treadmill' is the beach."

She made a face. "You expect my uncoordinated ass to run on a beach?"

I laughed and she scowled. "You'll be fine, Bells. I won't let you fall on your face."

"Okay, if you say so."

We lay there for a few minutes, looking at each other, and then Bella rolled off me and stood up.

"I think I need a shower," she said casually, but her eyes conveyed something much more significant.

"I probably do, too," I replied, just as casually. "I think I'll join you- save on my water bill."

I could tell she was trying hard to mask a grin. "Well, come on then."

I followed her upstairs and then led the way into my bathroom. Like the rest of the house, I'd designed it myself. Since I lived alone and I'd always been a shower kind of guy, I hadn't even put in a tub. Instead I just had a huge glass walk-in shower with a built-in bench. That way I could set the shower-heads to the mist setting and it was like having my own personal sauna. I grabbed two towels from the linen closet and put them on the counter within easy reach.

"That's some shower," Bella remarked as she nonchalantly stripped off her shirt and stepped out of her thong.

My reaction to her naked body was instantaneous, but I tried my best to mimic her casual attitude. "I take my showers seriously, what can I say?" I reached into the shower and turned the water on, giving it a few seconds to warm up before we jumped in. I shed my jeans and tossed them in the corner. There was no hiding my obvious erection now, so I decided to hell with being casual. I caught Bella's eye and let a smile slowly spread across my face as I reached down to leisurely stroke myself. Her eyes widened and she inhaled sharply.

"After you, Miss Swan."

She walked past me into the shower, and I admired the smooth curve of her ass for a moment before joining her. The water was nice and hot, the way I liked it. I stood under the spray for a minute before grabbing my body wash off the shelf.

"You're going to smell like me, I'm afraid," I told her.

"That's not such a bad thing."

I poured a generous amount into my hand and rubbed my palms together to work up a lather. "Come here," I said, and Bella obligingly stepped closer. I began using the suds I'd accumulated to wash her body. I started with her arms, then moved on to her back, sliding my hands under the weight of her long, dark hair to get to her neck. Then I turned her around and soaped up her belly, slowly inching my way up to her breasts. When I reached their perfect peaks she gasped softly and tilted her head back. I let my fingers trail over her nipples just once, teasingly, before kneeling to wash her legs and feet. Then I grabbed a bit more body wash and slowly finished the rest of her, lingering for just a few brief moments on the slick folds at the apex of her thighs. When I was done I stood up and grinned at her before grabbing the shampoo. I lathered up her hair, taking time to gently massage her scalp, and then stepped back. "You can rinse now."

She groaned in frustration but did as I said, then reached over to snatch the bottle out of my hand. "Your turn."

She washed my hair first, taking time to rub my scalp as I had hers, and then she traded the shampoo for the body wash. She started with my arms and then moved onto my torso, following the same pattern I had. I closed my eyes and was quiet, relishing the feel of her wet, soapy hands on my skin- gliding across my chest, trailing lightly across my nipples, and sliding smoothly down my abs, stopping just shy of where I most wanted to feel her touch. She dropped slowly to her knees to finish my lower half, finally reaching up and encircling my now-throbbing cock with her slick hand. She stroked me slowly, twisting her hand back and forth, and my eyes shot open.

"I need you," I said, my voice low and guttural. "Now."

Bella stood, her brown eyes as dark with longing as I was sure mine were. She put her hand on my chest and pushed me back until I reached the bench. I sat down and she immediately straddled me, using her hand to guide me into her. We both moaned as she lowered herself onto me fully. She was so unbelievably tight and warm. The bench was low enough that she had plenty of leverage, and she set a slow, steady rhythm, holding onto my arms for support. I played with her nipples as she rode me, rolling them between my fingers. I pinched them lightly once, and Bella whimpered softly, arching her back.

"That feels…so good…more," she gasped brokenly, and I pinched them again, harder this time, pulling on them a bit.

"Oh fuck yes, like that."

I hadn't known it was possible to get harder than I already was. I knew Bella didn't swear nearly as often as I did, and hearing her drop the f-bomb in the heat of passion was one of the hottest things I'd ever experienced. I loved bringing her that level of pleasure. It also surprised me to discover that she liked a little bit of roughness. Surprised me, but turned me on even more. I kept tugging at her nipples and was rewarded as she quickened her pace. I could tell she was getting close and I wanted to ride it out with her.

I slid my hands down and grabbed her hips, using my strength to lift her up and pull her back down, driving my cock even deeper inside of her with every thrust. She closed her eyes and panted through parted lips. I could feel her start to clench around me as she rode me faster.

"That's it, Bells, cum for me," I whispered in her ear.

That was all it took at that point. "Jake!" she cried out, and I came with her, crushing my lips to hers as we moaned into each other's mouths.

She stayed on my lap as we kissed lazily, riding out the last waves of our respective orgasms. After a few minutes we realized that we were soon going to run out of hot water.

"Let's get out before we freeze our asses off," I said.

We exited the shower and I grabbed the towels, handing one to Bella. We dried ourselves off, sharing very satisfied smiles.

"I think I could go for some sleep now," Bella said, yawning.

"Me, too."

I led her back into my bedroom and we crawled under the blankets together, still naked. I pulled Bella close to me and she threw her leg over my hip, sighing contentedly.

"I love you," she said sleepily, and I kissed her damp hair.

"I love you, too," I whispered.

"Jake…it is okay that I'm staying, right?"

"Trust me, Bells- I wouldn't have it any other way."

**Had to end on a sweet note, because that's the way Jake rolls. And with that, I'm off for vacation. I won't have a chance to write until I get back on Saturday, so it may be a couple of weeks before I update again. I promise I won't leave you hanging for long!**


	12. Chapter 11

**Well, I'm finally back with another update. I apologize for the long wait; I really have no excuse other than I've been completely lazy since I got back from vacation. It took me a while to get back into the swing of things. This chapter's a little bit of a filler, although I admit I have a soft spot for the first part ;) I have some fun stuff planned for the next chapter, though, and I promise it won't take as long =)  
**

Chapter 11- BPOV

I woke up the next morning to the feel of warm fingers gently stroking my arm. I smiled before I even opened my eyes, because I knew exactly where I was and who that hand belonged to. I rolled over and stretched leisurely before finally dragging my eyelids open. I was met with a pair of dark eyes staring back into mine.

"Good morning," Jacob said softly, giving me a bright smile.

"Good morning to you, too," I replied, and answered his smile with one of my own.

He didn't say anything else, but instead leaned down to kiss me, his lips soft and warm and unbelievably tender. I put my arms around his neck and tugged him closer as our tongues met, feeling my heartbeat quicken even though the kiss itself remained slow and languid. My breath caught in my throat as his lips left mine, trailing light kisses down my neck to my collarbone and finally to my breasts. I moaned quietly as his warm breath blew across my nipples.

Still silent, Jacob reached down and gently pushed my legs apart, settling himself in between my thighs. His gaze locked with mine as he entered me gradually, inch by inch, until at last he filled me completely. He was still for a moment, and then he began to thrust in and out, his pace agonizingly slow, his eyes never leaving mine.

I wanted so badly to grab his hips and urge him to go faster, but I stopped myself with effort. It felt too good, and even though I was dying for release I wanted it to last as long as possible. I wanted to savor every kiss, every touch, every moment of making love to Jacob.

He never quickened his slow, even thrusts, not even when both of us were panting and shaking. He never looked away from me, either, and I would have never guessed that looking into someone's eyes the entire time could make sex so much more erotic. I felt somehow vulnerable, exposed- but it was okay, because I knew that Jacob loved me, and I knew that he already _saw_ me- the real me.

I felt my climax start to build, steadily, and I hovered on the brink for what seemed an eternity. My thighs began to tremble and I moaned softly as my eyelids slid closed. Then Jacob spoke for the first time since we'd said good morning.

"Don't close your eyes, Bella. Look at me," he said, his voice low and hoarse.

I opened my eyes again with effort and met his- dark, intense, and weighted by his own pleasure. Suddenly my climax washed over me, wave after wave, and I rode it out as I looked into Jake's eyes, a strangled cry escaping my lips. He thrust twice more and then uttered a guttural moan, pushing into me one last time, hard, before going still.

I still couldn't look away from him. I was drowning in emotions, reeling from the strength of my love for him and struggling to recover from the most intense orgasm I'd ever experienced. I felt tears sprout in the corners of my eyes and I tried not to let them fall, but they spilled over anyway.

"Bells, are you okay?" Jake asked, smoothing my hair back from my forehead. He kissed me softly and I found that my lips were trembling.

"I'm okay, it's just…I'm just a little overwhelmed." I blinked away the tears. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Sorry, it's just…I never came that hard before. For some reason I'm crying," I said in a rush, feeling slightly embarrassed. I blew out a shaky breath. "God."

"Bella, that was beautiful. Watching you like that- I've never felt anything that intense."

Jacob rolled to his side, cradling me to his chest. We lay there for a few moments, holding each other, savoring the feel of skin on skin. There didn't seem to be any need for more words at the moment. I could have easily fallen back asleep in his arms, but eventually he looked over at the clock and shook his head regretfully.

"Shit, I hate to say this, but I have to be at work soon." He turned back to me and kissed my nose. "Come on, clumsy, take a quick run with me and then I'll make us some breakfast before I leave."

"I don't have anything to wear to run in," I said practically.

"We'll find something."

We both got up and I pulled on my bra and underwear while Jake found me an old t-shirt of his that had shrunk, and a pair of drawstring shorts. The shirt was still big on me, but I tied it in a knot at the bottom and made it work. I was able to adjust the shorts with the drawstring to where they would hopefully stay up, but I couldn't do anything about the length- I was just going to have to deal with it. Luckily, I'd worn my running shoes on the drive to Jake's yesterday, resting my feet after the heels Alice had put me in.

Jake looked me up and down after I was dressed, shaking his head. "Is it bad that I find this hot?"

"Oh, come on. Really?"

"I'm serious. But you could be wearing a paper bag for a dress and I'd still want you." He shrugged. "Better get used to it, Bells."

I grinned. "I think I can handle it."

The day was overcast as usual, but dry. We started off at a moderate jog, staying side by side, although I could tell that Jake was shortening his strides to keep pace with me. We ran about a mile and a half down the beach before doubling back, and by the time we reached Jacob's backyard again I was seriously winded and my leg muscles were burning. I flopped down onto the grass, sprawling flat on my back in a very ungraceful way.

"God," I groaned, throwing my arm over my eyes. "I'm used to running four or five miles a day, most days. What the hell?"

"Running on a beach works you harder because it's so uneven," Jacob replied, sitting down next to me on the grass.

"Yeah, I guess so, but still…I'm just out of shape already from spending the last month not doing anything. I won't make that mistake again."

"Hey, at least you didn't fall," Jake offered helpfully. I swatted at him half-heartedly and he laughed.

"Asshole," I muttered, but I couldn't help the smile that crept over my face.

"We'll run together at least a few days a week, keep you in practice. Deal?"

I sat up and blew an errant strand of hair off my forehead. "Deal."

Jake stood up and grabbed my hand. "Come on, let's get something to eat."

"Okay, but I should cook this time."

"Sounds like a plan."

Jacob ran upstairs to change while I made coffee and started on some omelets. He was downstairs much sooner than I expected, dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt. "That was fast," I remarked.

"I never shower before work, there's no point, since I'll just need another one anyway. I just wipe everything down with a wet towel."

Somehow, the thought of Jacob toweling off his sweaty body made me warm and tingly in all the right places. I felt my cheeks flush, and definitely not from embarrassment. It was insane the way he affected me. I turned back to the omelets as Jake walked up behind me and placed a soft kiss on the back of my neck. "Mmm," he whispered, his breath tickling my ear, "Remind me to let you watch next time."

He missed nothing. "Jacob Black," I said evenly, "If you want to make it to work on time, you better sit down and wait for your omelet. Otherwise, I'm going to molest you in your kitchen again."

He uttered a low chuckle, the sound raising goose bumps on my arms. "Okay, I'll be good. Because as much as I'd love more kitchen sex, I'm pretty sure Seth will be waiting to kick my ass if I'm late."

True to his word, he did sit down, and I finished the omelets and served them with some grapefruit I found in his fridge.

"Why don't you come over tonight for dinner?" I asked. "I know Charlie always likes to see you, and he's been bugging me to make fried chicken- that definitely feeds more than two people."

"I'm there. As long as you don't think Charlie will mind me showering at his house."

"I'm sure he won't."

"Are you going to come back with me afterward?"

"I want to. But I hate for Charlie to feel like I'm just abandoning him."

Jake chewed thoughtfully for a moment and swallowed. "I guess I'll just have to share you, then," he said, smiling. "As long as I get some nights here and there."

"Trust me, you'll get at least half."

Half an hour later, I locked Jake's door behind me and headed to my truck, a blissful smile on my face. After breakfast, Jacob had given me a knee-weakening kiss goodbye before leaving for work, telling me to use his shower again if I wanted and to make sure to lock up when I left. It was nice to know that he felt comfortable having me in his house, even alone. He had an automatic attitude of "what's mine is yours." It was an endearing quality, and just another addition to the long list of things I loved about him.

After he left I took him up on the shower, luxuriating in the feel of the multiple sprays. My eyes kept traveling to the built-in bench and remembering the night before, the way the warm water had hit my back as I straddled his lap. Yes, the shower was definitely one of the best parts of the house.

My drive back to Forks seemed to take no time at all, mostly because I spent it daydreaming, reliving the last couple of days. I was still grinning like the cat who ate the canary as I grabbed the mail and unlocked Charlie's front door. He wasn't there to greet me, and I assumed he must already be at work. As I strolled into the kitchen I noticed a note lying on the counter.

_Hope you had a nice time with Jake. That chicken in the fridge only has a couple of days left on the expiration date (hint hint). I'll be home around six. Love you._

_Dad_

I rolled my eyes. Hint, hint, indeed. Well, I'd already mentioned it to Jacob, and making one of Charlie's favorite meals was the least I could do after leaving him to his own devices for the last two nights. I pulled the chicken out of the refrigerator (it was pre-cut, thank God- for someone who loved to cook, I hated handling raw meat) and put it in a bowl of buttermilk to soak for the rest of the day until I was ready start dinner. After I put the bowl back in the fridge and washed my hands I sat down at the kitchen table to check my phone for messages. I had put it on silent at Jake's the night before, since I knew that Charlie would be able to reach me on Jacob's phone if there was an emergency, and I definitely hadn't wanted any interruptions. I had a text message from Alice (_did u tell him yet?) _and one missed call.

The missed call was from Edward.

He hadn't left a voicemail, which I took as a bad sign. If he'd simply wanted to pass along some information about the condo or something like that, he would have left a message. Clearly, he wanted to talk.

I ran my finger lightly over the two button on my phone, the speed-dial number for Edward. Part of me wanted to talk to him, see what he wanted and just get it over with. The bigger part of me wasn't ready to do that yet. I was still adjusting to how much things had changed over the last few days, and I didn't know if I was ready to deal with Edward if he was prepared to be difficult. If he tried to talk me into taking him back or pressured me, I was afraid I might say something in the heat of the moment that would hurt him. And I honestly didn't want that.

No, better to wait and give myself some time to collect my thoughts and think of exactly what to say to him should he make a plea for his case. I called Alice instead.

Even though she was at work, she answered right away.

"Oh my God, I thought you were never going to call me back. I can't talk long, but you have to tell me what happened," she said.

"You live for this shit, don't you?" I asked, suppressing a laugh.

"Yes, I do. So…"

"I told him." Technically I hadn't, Jake had already known, but Alice didn't need to know that. I'd promised Jacob I wouldn't rat out his new buddy.

So what she said next surprised me. "Did he tell you that he already knew?"

"Uh…he might have mentioned that. Damn. How did you know that?"

"Jasper confessed about his word-vomit at the club the other night. Don't worry, I punished him severely."

I could hear the smile in her voice. "Enough said." Somehow, I didn't think Jasper minded his "punishment."

"So then what?" Alice asked excitedly.

"He kissed me."

"And?"

"He told me he loved me," I replied, still thinking back on it with wonder. Jake loved me. I felt warm happiness spread through my chest at the thought.

"Holy shit," Alice said. "He's not afraid to lay it all out there, is he? That's amazing."

"So after he told me, I went inside to take a shower and a nap," I continued, an amused smile playing on my lips. Torturing Alice was always fun.

"You what? What the hell, Bella?"

"I wanted to think about everything!" It was the truth. "But I ended up skipping the nap and going to his house anyway. And well…" I trailed off, letting her fill in the gaps.

"I see. I'd ask for all the naughty details but I have a feeling you won't tell me."

"No details, sorry. I like keeping that stuff to myself. But I did just get home."

"I'm so happy for you, Bella," Alice said sincerely. "I haven't heard your voice sound this light in a long time."

I was touched by her words, but troubled once again by how obvious my unhappiness must have been to those close to me. "Thanks, Alice."

I heard a muffled voice in the background. "Oh shit, I've got to go. I'll talk to you later, Bella. Tell Jake I said hi!"

"I will. Bye."

After I hung up I decided to spend the rest of the day getting some much needed work done. I still hadn't finished the first semester syllabus. I had a list of works that I was required to cover during the course of the school year, but it left me with just enough time to add one book to each semester of my own choosing- provided the administration approved them, which so far had never been a problem. I started making a list of possibilities, wondering how I was ever going to narrow it down to just two. Not an easy task for a voracious reader like myself.

I was still hem-hawing over three or four choices when my phone rang. I picked it up absently and looked at the ID, figuring it was probably Alice or my mother.

_Edward_.

I looked at his name on the screen as the phone continued to ring, my finger hesitating over the button. Then I sighed and put the phone back down on the table, sliding it away from me.

_Not yet_.

**I'm still digging all the reviews, so keep them coming!**


	13. Chapter 12

**First of all, I want to say thanks once again for all the lovely reviews. I'm getting close to 200 reviews, and it means so much to me that I've received this much positive response to this story. So even if I don't get a chance to respond to all of them personally, know that I appreciate each and every one. **

**I like this chapter because Jacob and Bella talk about an important subject that I think needs to be addressed in their relationship. It also brings in some other characters and sets up a foundation for what Bella's life would be like in Washington. So I hope you enjoy!**

**Also, I know a lot of you are wondering how Bella's going to end up back with Edward. That will be answered eventually, and I hope that when that happens, you'll all stick with me and trust me :)**

**Finally, all things Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer.  
**

Chapter 12- BPOV

When Independence Day arrived, it brought with it mixed emotions.

On the one hand, I was excited about the evening. Charlie and I were meeting Sue and Jacob in La Push for their annual 4th of July bonfire, and I was looking forward to reintroducing myself to Jacob's friends and to Leah and her husband. I wanted to know the people who mattered in Jake's life, because I hoped to be part of his life for much longer than just the summer. On the other hand, the date signified that July was well underway, and that I only had a few weeks before I had to be back in Phoenix for school duties. Jacob and I hadn't yet talked about how we were going to handle the long-distance relationship issue. It was a conversation I knew we needed to have, and the sooner the better. No matter how much we might have wanted to avoid it, the truth was that I didn't have much time.

Also weighing on my mind were the two additional phone calls from Edward that I'd received in the last week. I still hadn't answered him. He'd finally left a voicemail on his last call, only to say that he missed me and that he wanted us to have a long talk. Part of me felt that I owed him that much, but I dreaded the conversation all the same. I honestly wanted to wait until I was back in Phoenix to venture into heart-to-heart territory with Edward. There _were_ things I still needed to say to him, things that would hopefully make him understand why I'd had to end it, and those things would be better said in person. My other (admittedly selfish) reason for not returning his calls was that I didn't want anything to put on a damper on the few remaining weeks I had left with Jacob.

It was with that in mind that I struggled to banish all negative thoughts for the rest of the night. I was in my room, changing for the bonfire. Charlie was downstairs, ready and impatiently waiting, but I'd spent all day cleaning the house from top to bottom and I wasn't about to show up in La Push grimy and sweaty. I'd already showered and was getting dressed as quickly as possible, but apparently it wasn't fast enough for Charlie.

"I'm sure Jake will take you as is, Bells. You're clean, that's good enough," he said, loudly enough for me to hear. I rolled my eyes as I finished putting on some lip-gloss. I wasn't taking an especially long time, he was just being a typical man tonight. It probably had something to do with the fact that he hadn't seen Sue much in the last week since he'd been busy playing catch-up at work.

I looked in the mirror, decided I was satisfied, and turned to leave my room, grabbing my jacket on my way out. I knew it would be chilly on the beach later. "On my way, Dad," I called as I headed downstairs.

Charlie was already at the front door. I shot him a look as I grabbed my purse from the back of the couch. "Impatient much?"

He shrugged. "I just think that if I can get ready in fifteen minutes, then so can you."

"You've been single way too long, Dad," I said as I walked past him out the front door.

That made him laugh. "I think Sue would agree with that." He smiled at me as he joined me on the porch. "You look real nice, hon."

"Thanks." I was wearing jeans and a dark blue short-sleeved top that I thought looked nice with my coloring, and I'd taken time to put a few loose waves in my hair with the curling iron. I thought Jake would approve.

We took Charlie's car, but I drove. The trips back and forth from work weren't bothering him too much, but the drive to La Push was likely to make his knees stiffen up quite a bit. I didn't want him to be uncomfortable or hurting for the rest of the night. I was so accustomed to the drive by then that it seemed like no time before we were pulling up to the beach. The sun was sinking in the sky, but we still had a couple of hours left until dark. Jacob's car was already parked in the gravel lot and I pulled up beside it, noting with amusement the handful of teenage boys that were admiring the Challenger.

Charlie and I headed down to where everyone was gathered, and I spotted Jacob immediately, throwing some more driftwood onto the pile that would soon be a roaring blaze. He caught sight of us at the same time and jogged over, brushing his hands off.

"Hey, Bells!" he called, and the next thing I knew I was caught up in a huge bear hug. I wrapped my arms around him and breathed in deeply, loving as always the clean, somewhat woodsy smell that was uniquely Jacob. I hadn't slept over the night before, staying true to my word to give my dad his due share of time with me, and I'd missed falling asleep and waking up in Jake's arms. Tonight was a Jake and Bells night, and I couldn't wait.

"You look beautiful," he whispered in my ear, and I shivered.

My dad cleared his throat, and I realized we'd been holding each other for longer than was necessary. I pulled back sheepishly, but Jacob just grinned. Keeping one arm locked around me, he greeted Charlie.

"Glad your recovery's going good and that you could be here," he said sincerely.

"Me too, Jake," Charlie replied. "It's tradition now." He sighed a little, looking towards the group of people gathered around the would-be bonfire. "Sure does make me miss Billy, though. Harry, too."

Jacob's eyes softened. "Yeah, me too."

Charlie reached out and clapped Jake on the shoulder. "I know they'd be proud of you, son."

I looked between my dad and Jacob, realizing for the first time how deep their bond ran. Charlie, Billy, and Harry had all been such close friends, and my dad had thus always been a part of Jacob's life. I'd never taken the time to notice as a kid how Charlie had helped look after Jake, how they had all been like family. It saddened me to think about how seldom I'd been around and how much I had missed. Once again, I vowed that Washington would be a huge part of my life from now on. _Someday_, I thought, twining my fingers with Jake's, _it might even be home. _

Jacob looked down at me and I squeezed his fingers. "I think so, too," I said, echoing my father's sentiment. Jake smiled at me and squeezed back.

"Thank you. Both of you," he said quietly.

Charlie cleared his throat again, and I noticed he was a little misty-eyed and slightly embarrassed about it. "Well, hell, this is supposed to be a party, right? I'm going to find Sue and get a beer."

Jake gestured down the beach. "She's over there with Leah and Sam. Come on, Bells."

I walked with Jake down the beach a ways, to where Sue stood chatting with Leah and her husband. A dark-haired little girl was running circles around the adults, occasionally stopping to examine one of the multi-colored rocks that comprised the beach. Leah was wearing the baby in a sling, and I could just barely make him out in the folds of fabric. They all looked up as we approached, and Charlie went straight to Sue, snaking a hand around her waist and kissing her temple. I smiled at the two of them, happiness flooding my heart at seeing Charlie so content.

"Hi, Sue," I said, giving her a hug which she returned with one arm.

"Good to see you, Bella. Jake needs to stop hogging you to himself and let you come over more often."

"Not going to happen," Jake replied, squeezing my hand again. He kissed Sue on the cheek and she pretended indifference, turning her head away. "Okay, okay, dinner this week. Damn, woman."

"That's a good boy."

Shaking his head and laughing, Jacob turned towards Leah. "Leah, not sure if you remember her, but this is Bella Swan."

"We didn't know each other very well, but I remember. It's good to see you again, Bella," Leah said, smiling. She was every bit as gorgeous as I remembered. She looked a lot like Sue, but there was a vibrancy that flowed from her, a killer confidence that made her absolutely stunning. I smiled back and shook her offered hand.

"You, too," I replied.

"This is my husband, Sam Uley," she said.

Sam held his hand out to me next, a surprisingly shy smile contradicting his otherwise commanding features.

"Nice to meet you," he said in a pleasing baritone. I decided that Sam Uley was one of those people that would seem very stern if he wasn't smiling. The grin, however, made him very disarming.

"Nice to meet you, too," I said. "This is our son, Samuel Jr., sleeping for once," Leah said, cradling the baby in the sling. "I'm sure you'll see him awake pretty soon."

"And this," Sam said, catching hold of the little girl, "Is our daughter, Kayla."

"Hi, Kayla," I said, bending down. "I heard you like to wrestle with your uncle Jake."

She giggled, her cheeks flushed from all the running. "Yeah," she said.

"I bet you win, don't you?"

"Never," Jake said, and bent down to scoop her into his arms. Kayla grabbed him around the neck and he pretended to stagger as if in a headlock.

"Tap out!" she shrieked gleefully, and he feigned submission, laughing.

"Okay, yeah, she always wins," he admitted, grinning. He lifted her up onto his shoulders, much to her delight. I imagined it seemed extremely high to her, especially with Jake being so tall.

Leah was shaking her head at Jake. "I can't believe you're turning my sweet little girl into the next WWE star."

He snorted. "Please, Leah, a little respect. I would never groom Kayla for the WWE. We're talking mixed martial arts, sweetheart."

"Hell yeah," came a voice behind us. I turned to see three people approaching our little gathering, two men and a young woman. The woman and the shorter of the two guys had their arms wrapped around each other as they walked, and it was obvious just by looking at them that they were in love.

"UFC baby," said the taller man, the one who had spoken previously. He bumped fists with Jake and then turned to me, an infectious grin plastered on his face. "So you must be Bella. Damn, Quil gets engaged, now Jake is all love-struck…I guess I'll be hitting the clubs by myself from now on. Man, that's gonna look desperate."

I couldn't help but laugh, but it seemed that was the reaction he was hoping for. Jake shook his head, snorting. "Bella, this is Embry."

"And I'm Quil," said the shorter guy, who seemed like more of a quiet sort. "This is my fiancée, Claire."

"Nice to meet you all," I said sincerely.

Charlie and Sue drifted off for some alone time, leaving the younger generation to ourselves and soon I found myself engaging in pleasant conversation with Leah and Claire while Jacob, Embry and Quil (and latecomer Seth) joined in on an impromptu football game happening further down the beach. Leah and Claire were both incredibly nice and welcoming, and I found them easy to talk to. It didn't stop me from noticing the occasional stares from others, though, particularly people my dad's age. It made me a little uncomfortable, but I tried to shrug it off and enjoy myself.

The guys rejoined us for dinner, putting us to shame with the amount of food they consumed. Before I knew it, it was full dark and time for the fireworks display. I remembered enough La Push bonfires from my childhood to know that I was in for a treat. Families and couples began spreading out, some setting up blankets and lawn chairs, others sprawling out on beach towels or making use of handy logs. Jacob jogged over to his car for a moment and returned with a quilt and two pillows. He pulled me down the beach, a little farther away from the others than necessary, and spread the quilt out over the sand and pebbles. He stretched out on his back, one of the pillows under his head, and pulled me down to join him. I fluffed the remaining pillow and put it on Jake's stomach before resting my head on it.

"Now this is comfy," I said, sighing contentedly. I looked up at the stars, amazed as always by how many I could see when they weren't being overshadowed by the city lights of Phoenix. The night air had turned crisp and cool, and I breathed it in deeply, grateful for my jacket.

"I should have brought another blanket," Jake said, somewhat apologetically.

"I'm okay," I said. I grabbed his hand and drew his arm around my waist, threading my fingers through his. He squeezed me gently. "We'll keep each other warm."

"Have you had fun tonight, honey?" he asked.

"Yes, definitely. I'm so glad I got to meet Leah and Sam, and your friends. I want to know all the people who are important to you."

"They all really like you."

As happy as I was to hear that, I couldn't help remembering the unfriendly, vaguely disapproving stares I'd noticed earlier. "Not everyone does," I muttered, before wishing I hadn't.

Jacob raised himself up with his other arm and looked down at me. "What do you mean?" he asked quietly.

"It's just that…I've gotten a few strange looks tonight, I guess you could say."

Jake flopped back onto his pillow and sighed. "I'm sorry, Bells. I was hoping you wouldn't notice. It's really nothing to do with _you, _personally."

I hesitated, knowing that I was about to touch on a sensitive subject, but deciding that if Jake and I were really going to be together, it was something we needed to talk about. "It's because I'm not Quileute, isn't it?"

"Basically, yeah." He sighed again, the air whooshing out of his lungs in exasperation. "It's always something that's talked about when someone dates off the rez, especially among the older members of the tribe, but it's even worse because I'm a descendant of Ephraim Black. He was the last true chief, so I've always been looked at a little differently."

I turned my head to look at him. "How so?"

"It's hard to explain, really. I'm expected to take my place on the tribal council eventually, but that's not all of it. It's like I have a legacy to uphold, and everyone's looking to me, expecting me to become this all-wise, all-knowing person. At times it's nice, but it's also a lot of pressure. Sometimes I just want to be plain old Jacob Black, car mechanic."

I'd never realized that he had those kinds of expectations to live up to. I squeezed his hand again, hoping to offer some sort of reassurance through my touch.

"Anyway," he continued, "a lot of people, especially mothers with daughters my age, are going to be peeved when they see me with you. I'm what's considered a 'good catch' I guess, so they're going to be irritated that none of the girls here are 'good enough for me' and they're also going to be pissed that I'm diluting the bloodline."

I rolled over so that I was laying on his chest and could look into his eyes. "Jake, I don't want to cause trouble for you."

He reached up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my cheek. "No, Bells, don't say that. I didn't tell you this to make you feel bad. It's just something we'll have to deal with, but I'm willing to deal with it if you are. I love my people, my heritage. I want nothing more than to someday be able to give back to the community and help it thrive again. But they don't make my decisions for me, I do. And I love you, Bella. I want to be with you. And the people that matter most to me, like Sue, and Leah and Seth, are fine with it. Sue loves you to pieces. So that's all I need."

I leaned down and kissed him deeply, not caring who might be looking down the beach at us. He rested one hand on the small of my back and the other under my hair, returning the kiss with equal fervor, and it was a long moment before I pulled back enough to speak. "I love you, too, Jacob. As long as you're okay, then I'm okay."

"I'm more than okay," he said huskily, his fingers tightening against my back. "But there are children present, and the fireworks are starting."

I giggled quietly and pressed one last kiss to his lips before turning around and laying my head on his stomach again so I could watch the display. It was pretty impressive, and the cheers and whistles from the rest of the crowd indicated that they agreed with me. Still, with Jacob running his fingers along my stomach, occasionally slipping them under my jacket and shirt to caress my bare skin, it was easy to be distracted.

"So, um, how long do these shows usually last?" I asked.

"Any particular reason why you want to know?"

"Just wondering." I sucked in a breath as his fingers danced along the waist of my jeans. "What the hell are you trying to do to me?"

"Hang on a second," he whispered. He sat up, scooting me down so that my head lay in his lap. He grabbed the edge of the quilt and flipped it over me, covering me from the chest down before slipping his hand under the quilt and finding the button on my jeans. "Just keep watching the fireworks, Bells."

Even though I knew that we were a ways down the beach and that as far as anyone could tell, I was just cold, I still felt a thrill run through me at the thought of what Jake was about to do. I let out an almost silent gasp as he slid his hand inside my jeans, inside my underwear, and began to stroke me softly. I kept my eyes on the sky as he'd instructed, watching the bright flashes of light as they exploded overhead, bright pink and purple, deep blue and gold, dazzling lime green. I didn't look away until I came, unable at that moment to stop myself from looking at Jacob's face, a whimper escaping my lips.

He grinned and slid his hand out of my pants. I reached down to button them with shaking fingers.

"You're way too good at that, you know," I said.

"Are you complaining?"

"Of course not."

I stayed where I was, with my head in Jake's lap, until the fireworks ended a few minutes later. By then a lot of people were ready to call it a night, and began leaving in groups and pairs. A bunch of teenagers were still hanging out around the bonfire, but most of the older people and families were heading out. I saw Charlie and Sue walking in our direction, and I stood up to help Jake grab the quilt and pillows so we could meet them halfway.

"Hey, Dad, ready to head back?" I asked. I'd planned to take Charlie home first before coming back to Jacob's house for the night, to help him avoid straining his knees.

"Actually, you two go ahead to Jake's. I think I'm going to stay at Sue's tonight. Makes more sense, you know."

"Sure, sure," Jacob said, trying to suppress a grin. He kissed Sue on the cheek. "Night, Mom."

"Night, Jake, Bella. Why don't both of you come over for breakfast in the morning?"

"We'll be there."

I hugged Charlie and Sue and wished them goodnight, and then Jacob and I headed to the parking lot so that I could follow him to his house.

"You live so close, why didn't you just walk?" I asked.

"The kids like checking out the car. Who am I to deprive them?" he replied.

"You mean you like showing off," I teased.

"Yeah, that too." He grinned. "But right now I'm glad for anything that gets us home faster," he said, climbing in his car.

I paused with my hand on the car door, momentarily stunned by that last remark. "Gets us home" he'd said, as if it was _our_ home.

Maybe someday, it would be.


	14. Chapter 13

**I'm so happy to have gotten so many great reviews since my last update. You guys are great for my ego ;) I do apologize for the long wait for this chapter. I came back from my second (and unfortunately last) vacation of the year to find out that my air conditioner was broken. After getting the runaround from the service company I called, it's finally fixed- so I was able to concentrate on this chapter instead of the sweltering heat in my house. I'm already working in Chapter 14, which will be Bella's continuation of this same day, so it should be up before long. I promise I won't make you wait another 2+ weeks for it :)**

**As always, Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. **

Chapter 13- JPOV

I was working in my garage, my attention mostly focused on the piece of machinery in front of me, but a small part of me distracted by the badass new Godsmack song that had just come on the radio. So I missed the sound of Bella's loud truck engine as she roared up to the house, and didn't realize she was there until she yelled behind me.

"Hey, Jake!"

I jumped, turning around as I did so, and the wrench I'd been holding clattered to the ground. I took in Bella, standing in the middle of my dirty garage with an amused smile on her face, and I struggled to slow my breathing.

"Holy fuck, Bells. You scared the shit out of me. Don't sneak up on a mechanic when he's in the zone." I reached over and turned the radio down a few notches, my ears ringing in the sudden quiet. I really needed to stop blasting my music so loud or I was going to go prematurely deaf.

Bella was still grinning, and now that my adrenalin burst was fading I realized that she was wearing a black and silver bikini and a pair of low-slung denim shorts. I'd never seen Bella display that much skin outside of the bedroom before.

"What's up? I thought we were just going to dinner and a movie later, otherwise I'd be…similarly attired." She smirked. "Oh, you know what I mean."

"I decided to take you up on your offer of cliff-diving," she said.

"Really? I thought you said it was too dangerous?"

She shrugged. "I did, but then I realized that you would never intentionally put me in harm's way. Plus, it might be fun."

"It is fun, but Bells…if you go cliff-diving in that bikini," I eyed the tiny straps tied around her torso and neck, "it's probably going to fall off."

"Maybe that was the idea."

I felt blood start to rush to my nether regions. "In that case, just give me a few minutes to finish up in here."

I quickly turned back to the task in front of me, double-checking all the nuts to make sure they were snug. Eventually I'd have to bust out the pneumatic wrench, but for now hand-tightening would do. Bella circled around me, her face scrunched up in a confused, but very cute way as she eyed the metal structure I was working on.

"Okay, I have no idea what this is," she said finally.

"Well, right now it's really nothing. But eventually it'll be a motorcycle." I ran my hand lovingly over the frame that I'd welded myself.

"You're…making a motorcycle?"

"This will actually be the third one I've ever built. I did my first two while I was in trade school. I sold one to Embry and kept the other for myself, until Sue finally talked me into selling it, too. She hates bikes, doesn't trust them. Since I was still living with her at the time I figured I'd do my best not to drive her crazy. I've always missed it, though. So this one's going to be mine for good."

Bella squatted next to me, taking a closer look now that she knew what exactly it was that she was looking at. "Are you planning on building anymore?"

"Actually, if all goes well, this might end up being my new business venture. It's always been a dream of mine to design and build custom bikes." I stood up and yanked a rag from my pocket to wipe my hands before offering one to Bella and pulling her to her feet. "This goes back to the whole 'giving back to the community' thing I was telling you at the bonfire. I want to build a new shop here on the rez, specifically for this. And I figure if I can make a name for myself, it'll bring more recognition to the area, not to mention the money I'd be able to donate to places that need it."

I realized Bella was staring at me and shaking her head, a ghost of a smile tipping up the corners of her mouth. "What?" I asked.

"Just you," she said, a faint blush coloring her cheeks. "You keep surprising me with new, wonderful things about yourself."

"Um…I aim to please?" I replied uncertainly. I'd never really thought of myself as anything but your average, blue collar male. But what I considered normal, Bella seemed to find completely endearing. Although come to think of it, she could probably say the same thing about the way I viewed her.

"Well, you do," she said, and her voice dropped low as she looked up at me through her lashes. "Please, that is." She stepped forward and tilted her face up, and I bent down to kiss her- not exactly an easy feat, considering the height difference between us. My hands drifted to the smooth skin at her waist, and I briefly thought about how easy it would be to slide those shorts off her hips, and her bikini bottom with them. Of course, she'd said something about going somewhere, hadn't she?

Oh, right. "Cliff-diving, Bells?" I asked hesitantly, pulling back.

She seemed to debate for a moment. "Yeah, while the weather's good. You never know how long that will last." She grinned suddenly, and I felt her hand graze my crotch. "But you can last _awhile_, so we better save that for later, just in case."

Yeah, the marathon sessions we'd had over the last several days had proven that point. "Okay, maybe you're right. Just let me change."

I drove her to the usual spot that all the rez kids used for cliff-diving, which wasn't far from my house, if a jump in elevation. Bella used the car ride there to tease me with her hand as much as possible, despite what she'd said about waiting until later. From the coy smirks she kept throwing my way, I was beginning to suspect that she just wanted to see how much she could get to me. Which was a lot. Even reciting things in my head didn't help when she was actually touching me. I started listing Civil War battles and their victors as a last ditch effort to win this game of hers, and still ended up with a full-blown erection by the time we reached the end of our drive.

I pulled off onto the shoulder and parked the car, narrowing my eyes at Bella. "Happy now?"

Her eyes raked over the (dare I say _impressive_) bulge in my swim trunks as she gave it one last squeeze and then released me. "Very."

I shook my head. "You are so bad."

She started to respond, but then she finally looked out the windshield and caught sight of the cliffs. Her eyes widened. "So that's it, huh?" she asked nervously.

"Bells, we don't have to-"

"I want to." She attempted a brave smile, but I noticed that it wobbled a bit. "Really."

I reached over to gently push her hair behind her ear and noticed that she was chewing on her bottom lip. "Hey," I said, running my finger over the lip to pry it from her teeth, "It'll be fun, I promise. I won't let anything happen to you, you said so yourself."

"Okay."

We got out of the car and started the walk that would take us to the cliff edge. Bella looked up, her gaze locked on the highest cliff face. "We're not jumping from there, right?"

"No, no, from that lower one, see? Jumping from the high one's pretty…reckless." I didn't want to use the word "dangerous" at a time like this.

"Have you ever jumped from the high one?" she asked.

"Once."

"What was it like?"

"Fucking exhilarating," I admitted, smiling sheepishly. "But still pretty stupid."

Bella looked at the cliff again and seemed to shudder. "Don't worry, I'll take your word for it."

It didn't take us long to reach the lower cliff edge, and we stood looking down at the water for a minute. Luckily, Bella had picked a perfect day to do this. There were no storms threatening, and the water was calm. It was like the waves were kissing the rocks, instead of furiously smacking the shit out of them the way they usually did. Bella looked at me, seeming to draw upon her resolve.

"Okay, let's do this," she said firmly, but I could still see the apprehension in her eyes.

"Hold my hand, Bells. We'll jump together." I took her small hand in my much larger one and felt her grip it for dear life. "Just remember to let go right before we hit the water, and then start kicking your way to the surface, okay?"

She nodded quickly. "Got it."

"Okay, on three. One, two…"

On three we both leapt from the cliff, making sure to jump _out_ versus _down _to avoid being too close to the rocks. It had been awhile since my last cliff jump, and I'd forgotten what a rush it was. I heard Bella let out a half scream, half squeal, but it sounded like a happy noise. And then the water rushed up to us and I let go of Bella's hand.

I plunged under the water, which wasn't freezing but was still on the cold side, and immediately began kicking upwards. When I broke the surface I sucked in a breath and looked for Bella. She bobbed up a couple of seconds after me, gulping air and pushing her hair out of her face.

"Oh my God, that was great!" she gasped, grinning. Then just as quickly, her mouth fell open. "Oh, _shit." _She looked at me, mildly embarrassed. "Damn it, you were right."

"About what?" And then I realized that her bikini straps were no longer tied around her neck. I started laughing.

"Not funny, Jake."

"Sure it is," I said, still chuckling, and I saw her smile in spite of herself. "Bottoms still on?"

"Yeah, they're here," she muttered, as we both began to paddle around in circles, looking for the missing top on the off-chance that it was floating on the surface.

"I'm not seeing it," I said after a minute.

"Me neither. Shit." She scowled, her earlier elation marred by the current predicament.

She looked so damn adorable, with that pissed off expression, that I couldn't resist grabbing her and kissing her. I think she was caught off guard, at first, and then I felt her hands tangle in my hair and pull in the way she knew I loved. I deepened the kiss, both of us kicking our legs to stay afloat. I slid my hands up to her breasts, finding them slick with seawater and the nipples hard as drill-bits. I ran my thumbs back and forth over them and Bella moaned into my mouth.

By then I was so hard it hurt and I just wanted to get her on dry land.

"Come on, let's swim to the beach, the water's cold out here," I rasped, and we started making our way to the shore.

Luckily for us that end of the beach happened to be deserted for the time being. We emerged from the water and ran to the closest form of shelter we could find- a group of rocks that formed a rough enclosure. I thought Bella could crouch there relatively unnoticed while I ran back up to get the car. I'd left my t-shirt on the seat, and she could wear that for the ride home. All I could think about beyond that was making it back to the house and my bed.

I took off in a sprint, hurrying in case someone decided to drive by while Bella was hiding on the beach half-naked. I reached the car and yanked my keys out of the zippered side pocket of my shorts, jumped into the driver's seat and sped back down the road to where Bella was waiting. I parked the car on the side of the road and jogged back to the cluster of rocks, t-shirt in hand.

"Here, Bells," I said, kneeling by her and holding out the shirt. "Put this on."

She reached out as if to grab the shirt, and surprised me instead by grabbing my hand and yanking me into her. Her other arm went up around my neck and dragged my head down to hers, where she pressed her mouth to mine and ran her tongue over my lips, demandingly seeking entrance.

For a minute I forgot where we were, forgot that at any moment a group of teenagers or a family could happen by our spot on the beach and see us here. I forgot about everything but Bella, the way she felt, the way she tasted. She released my hand and I wrapped my arm around her waist, still holding my t-shirt crumpled against the small of her back. My other hand tangled under her hair, cradling her head to mine as I explored her warm mouth with my tongue.

She broke away after a moment, her breathing ragged and her eyes blazing up into mine. "Touch me, Jake, please."

I couldn't even summon the presence of mind to glance around and make sure we were still alone. It was like all the blood in my body had rushed below the waist, and I was light-headed and incoherent. Even after all the time we'd spent together in the weeks since our trip to Seattle, all the times we'd made love and in all the various places and positions, she still made me feel like this, drunk off her kiss and her touch. Just then there was nothing in my mind but the desire to fulfill her request.

I lowered her onto the sand and palmed one breast, molding and shaping it in my hand while dipping my head to the other and sucking her nipple between my lips. She gasped and arched her back, her hands going into my hair again and tangling in the strands. I grazed the nipple with my teeth and then bit it gently, loving the way Bella squirmed under me and the breathy way she whispered my name. "Jake, Jake, oh God…"

I reached down and slid my hand into her bikini bottoms. I had barely begun to stroke her when she shocked me by grabbing my hand. "Please," she said in a half-moan, half-whisper, "I need you…to fuck me."

_Goddamn._

She'd never actually used those words with me before. It was like they flipped a switch in my brain that sent me into primal mode. I sat up and pulled my trunks down to my knees, then shoved the crotch of her bikini aside without even bothering to remove it. One swift thrust later and I was buried inside her.

Missionary wasn't a stand-by for us since I was so tall that it put Bella at eye level with my chest, but at that moment neither of us cared. It can be said that there's a time for making love and a time for fucking, and this was definitely one of the latter. I pounded into Bella hard and fast as she wrapped her legs around my waist and clung to my arms. It seemed only seconds went by before she whimpered "Oh, _Jacob," _her breath coming out in fast little pants, and I felt her walls clinch even tighter around my cock.

I kept going. I kept going until she came two more times, the last time scratching her nails down my back so hard it hurt. I didn't give a fuck. I felt that last contraction around me and I came too, hard, a stream of profanities leaving my lips that would have made a biker blush.

I stayed inside her for a minute to collect myself, breathing hard as I struggled to keep from collapsing on her. Then I was finally able to sit back, sliding out of her as I did and finally getting a good look at her face.

Her lips were stretched wide in a satisfied grin. "Wow," she said, sounding a little dazed. "If I was the smoking type, I'd need a cigarette right now."

That made me laugh as I pictured Bella reclining on the beach in nothing but bikini bottoms and a smile, having a smoke. I pulled my trunks back up and flexed my back experimentally. It stung a little, but not too bad. "How's it look?" I asked, showing Bella.

"Not horrible. I didn't break the skin, at least. Close, though." She blushed very faintly, which I found amusing given the wild sex we'd just had. Only Bells.

"It's a small price to pay," I said. I gave her a quick kiss and then handed her the long-forgotten shirt. "You better put this on."

It was perfect timing- as we walked back to my car a pick-up loaded with teenagers pulled up not far from us. They didn't pay much attention to us as they headed toward the beach, but any earlier and they would've gotten a hell of a show. Bella and I waited until we were in my car before we burst out laughing.

"We got so lucky," I said.

"I know."

"What got into you, anyway?"

Bella looked at me and shrugged. "I don't know. The adrenalin from the jump, I guess, and then you kissing me in the water…I just didn't want to wait."

"Don't worry, I'm not complaining."

"I'll miss that bathing suit top, I really liked it." Then she smiled, a very sexy smile at that. "But I think it was worth it."

Me, too.


	15. Chapter 14

**I'd planned to have this chapter out a little bit sooner, but life keeps intervening. It's definitely been a busy summer. I'm also not looking forward to writing the next chapter for reasons that you may soon guess, but...yeah. It has to be done.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, of course.  
**

Chapter 14- BPOV

I held Jacob's hand on the short ride back to his house, a self-satisfied smile lingering on my face. He absentmindedly ran his thumb back and forth across my skin, sending minute shivers coursing through my body. I was still riding the high of our impromptu lovemaking on the beach. Oh, who was I kidding? We'd fucked like a couple of wild animals and I had loved every second of it. It had been exactly what I'd wanted, what I'd _needed_- to be possessed by him, to feel consumed. I had held on to him tight as he'd pounded into me more deeply than I'd ever felt before, everything in my being chanting _I belong to you, I belong to you. _I was desperate to feel that connection, to prove to myself that I was where I was supposed to be.

I was keeping something from Jacob, something that had been gnawing at me.

I'd finally talked to Edward.

He had been calling for weeks, and I kept ignoring his calls and letting them go to voicemail. It was always the same- "Bella, please call me. We need to talk." Finally I'd decided that I was being a bit childish. I should be able to handle a phone conversation with my ex-boyfriend, even if it did take an uncomfortable turn. So when he called for the umpteenth time, I answered.

"Bella?" he'd replied anxiously, sounding shocked that I'd even picked up. "Thank God, I was starting to get worried."

I had replied, rather petulantly, that if he'd been that worried he could have called Charlie's home phone. Then I immediately felt bad for starting off on the wrong foot. I decided to just ask him outright what he wanted. I ended up listening for a long time.

He was sorry, so sorry that he'd let our relationship deteriorate the way it had. He knew he'd made a mistake in letting his work control every aspect of his life. He wanted me to come home, and he wanted us to work on our differences before we just gave up. He was already in Phoenix, and he'd cancelled his out-of-town meetings for the next two months. He planned to stop working seven days a week and to try to be home in time for dinner most nights. To aid him in that endeavor, he had hired someone to help co-run the Phoenix office. My mouth dropped open in surprise at that announcement, because I knew that Edward had never trusted anyone other than Esme with the major decisions regarding the firm. These were all huge steps for him, and I couldn't help but feel touched that he'd gone to such strides to make me believe he could change.

Then he'd practically begged to see me when I got back to town, to have dinner with him and discuss the possibility of us getting back together. "We can't just throw away the years we've spent together. Please, Bella?"

And I heard myself tell him _maybe_.

I didn't know why I couldn't just tell him no. But it had always been hard for me to say no to Edward Cullen. He had a way of making me feel that he knew what I wanted or needed better than I did. It was the way our relationship had always worked. The few times I'd managed to stick to my guns on something (like the condo, for instance) my victory had been hard-won. Edward was very persuasive when he wanted to be, and he had a knack for making people believe that _his _opinion was the one they themselves had held all along. It was one of the traits that had contributed to his huge success in the business world, but it had also strained our relationship to the breaking point.

I'd called him back the next day and told him that it just wasn't going to work, no matter what he said, but he could tell just as well as I could that my resolve had faltered. I knew that once I was back in Phoenix, Edward would make his play for me, and he would put just as much into it as he did into any of his business deals. The thought made me feel a little sick.

Jacob and I had been planning for a few days to drive to Port Angeles for dinner and a movie. We wanted to enjoy a fun evening and then finally have our long overdue talk about exactly how we were going to handle the long-distance relationship. I was supposed to leave in a little over a week, and we needed to establish some things. I felt incredibly sad at the thought of leaving Forks, of leaving Jacob. He was the most amazing man I'd ever known, and I _loved him-_ which was why I couldn't believe that I hadn't shot Edward down immediately. All I could think about after that phone call was that I wanted to prove, mostly to myself, that I belonged with Jake.

He'd mentioned cliff-diving a couple of weeks ago and I had quickly vetoed the idea. The thought of jumping from such a great height into the cold waves had caused my stomach to churn nervously. He assured me that it would be fun and that nothing would happen to me, and I wanted to trust him.

I knew it was the phone call from Edward that changed my mind. I wanted to know what it felt like to really trust someone, not just because they told me I should, but because they made me _believe _it. Jake had never given me a reason to doubt him. So that morning I got dressed in my bathing suit, threw a change of clothes in my truck, and drove to Jacob's house early, ready to put my life (literally, it seemed to me) in his hands.

My fear had hit me like a freight train as I stood looking down at the water, fully realizing for the first time how far down it actually was. I was ready to chicken out when Jake took my hand and said we could jump together. His touch calmed me just as much, if not more, than his words- and I knew that everything would be okay. I jumped, and it was exhilarating.

And then I asked him to take me on the beach, because I needed to be connected to him, as much as was humanly possible. He was _my _Jacob, and I was _his _Bella.

_I belong to you, I belong to you._

We hurried into the shower after we got back to Jacob's house, and for once all we did was get clean. We had reservations at a locally owned seafood restaurant that Sam and Leah had recommended, and we didn't want to be late. I was actually pretty excited to try it. As one might imagine, Phoenix wasn't exactly a Mecca for seafood.

After we finished showering Jake dressed quickly while I took a few minutes doing my hair, blow-drying it and then curling it into the loose waves that I knew he liked. I applied some light makeup and slipped on a gauzy brown sundress and some low-heeled sandals. Jacob was waiting downstairs in the living room when I finished, perched on the arm of the couch as he checked out the latest baseball scores on ESPN. He flicked it off as I reached the bottom of the stairs and stood up, flashing me my favorite smile.

"You look great, Bells."

"So do you." And he did, of course, in light khaki pants and a dark brown dress shirt. "We match," I added.

"We seem to do that a lot. It probably makes us look like dorks."

I rolled my eyes even as I laughed. "Awesome."

We ended up making our reservation with fifteen minutes to spare. We were seated in a small, quite corner booth with a view of the water, the perfect atmosphere to dive into a meal of "creatures from the slimy deep" as my mom's husband Phil liked to say. (Obviously, he was not a seafood fan). I ordered a glass of Reisling and Jacob got a beer, and we put in our order for the stuffed mushroom appetizer.

"A lot of things sound good," Jacob said, perusing the menu. "What are you getting?"

"I don't know. I can't decide between the parmesan crusted tilapia or the deviled crab and scallops."

"Hmm…why don't you get one and I get the other, and we share?"

"Sounds good." While we waited for our server to return, I reached across the table and placed my hand on Jake's. "I'm leaving in about a week, you know."

His dark eyes met mine over the candle in the middle of the table, the flames dancing in their black depths. "I know," he replied, sighing.

"So we have to have that talk now."

"I've never done the whole "long-distance" thing before, Bells. What's the protocol, here? Do we set up phone call times or something?"

I gave him a wavering smile, the reality of how much I was going to miss him hitting me with the force of a wrecking ball. "There's no protocol. Call me any damn time you want." I fought back the sudden moisture in the corners of my eyes.

"Don't cry, honey," Jake said softly, and we were interrupted by the arrival of our mushrooms. We put in our dinner orders and after the server had departed, Jake flipped his hand over to grasp mine, his touch soothing as always. "We can do this, Bella. Everything's going to be fine."

"I'm just going to miss you so much," I stammered, stabbing belligerently at a mushroom with my fork.

"I'm going to miss you, too," he said, and let go of my hand to pick up his own fork. "But we'll make it work. We'll call, email, you can get an X-Box live subscription…" he trailed off, grinning at the look on my face.

"Uh, no. I am not playing X-Box. I suck at every game I've tried, and I hate it." But at least I was able to give him a real smile this time. Ever since our trip to Seattle, Jacob and Jasper had become X-Box buddies, playing each other in death matches on Call of Duty. They tried to get Alice and I interested in it by having us join in, but quickly changed their minds when they saw the damage we were inflicting on their kill-to-death ratios. "You have Jasper for that," I continued. "But you could get a web-cam. Then we can Skype."

"Sounds kinky."

"It's not!" Then I giggled. "Well, I guess it _could _be."

"I like where this is going."

I speared another one of the mushrooms, which were excellent. "Of course, there's always the question of what we do for the long-term," I said, serious again.

"What plans do you have?" he asked quietly.

I'd put a lot of thought into it already. I knew what made the most sense, and I decided to lay it all out there and see what Jacob thought. "I'm going to make this my last year at Mesquite High School."

His eyes widened, but he only nodded and waited for me to continue.

"I thought I would go ahead and send my resume to Forks High. Hopefully they'll have an opening."

"If they don't, the high school in La Push is always looking for good teachers."

"They are?" That brightened my prospects of finding a job considerably. "That would be great, too." Then I let the rest of what I was thinking spill out in a rush. "I'm sure I can find an apartment around here somewhere, or Charlie will probably let me stay with him for a little while if I really-"

"Bells," Jake said, interrupting me before I started to babble. "I want you to live with me."

"Really?" I'd thought the maybe the idea of living together would be moving too fast. I knew Jacob loved me, but I also knew how men could be.

"Really. I wouldn't have it any other way. Hell, I'll even start working on an extra vanity in the bathroom for all your, you know, chick crap."

"Aw, thanks," I replied dryly, but I was honestly thrilled. I was sure that my grin was giving it away. "Lucky for you, I don't come with as much 'chick crap' as most women."

At that moment our food arrived, and we dug in, dividing our entrees between the two of us so we could both try some of each. Having gotten the bulk of "the talk" out of the way, the mood at our table was considerably lighter.

"So now that we've talked long-term, what about the short-term?" Jake asked. "Will I see you before next summer?"

"I'm planning on being here at Christmas."

"When does your break start?"

"My last day isn't until the twenty-second, unfortunately." The Maricopa County school district liked to cut it pretty close.

"Too bad you can't be here on the eighteenth."

"Oh, right, your birthday. Damn," I said wistfully.

Jacob thought for a moment. "What if I flew to Phoenix and stayed with you for a few days? Then after you finish up at school we'll fly back here together."

"You can do that?" I asked in surprise, before I remembered that normal people took vacations from work occasionally. "That would be perfect."

"Then consider it done."

"Just so you know, I may end up staying with my mom again, who knows. Unless I decide to sign a lease on a new apartment."

"Think she could put up with me for a few days, if that's the case?"

I smiled. "I'm sure she won't mind."

We ate in silence for a few minutes, and then Jacob reached over to touch my hand again. "Feeling better now, Bells?"

"Much better."

After dinner we walked down to the movie theater. The evening was growing chilly and I was glad I'd thought to bring a sweater. I slipped it on and Jake put his arm around me, drawing me close to his side as we waited in line to buy our tickets. We were seeing a screwball comedy, neither of us in the mood for anything heavy. I'd definitely had more than my share of seriousness in the last few days, and I wanted to put it all out of my mind, if only temporarily.

We headed back to La Push after the movie, talking about our favorite parts and laughing hysterically. It was exactly the kind of mood boost I needed. Even though I was leaving soon, and even though I knew I was inevitably going to be faced with an uncomfortable confrontation with Edward, at that moment I couldn't be anything but happy. I was looking into the future, the bright, contented future that I was planning to share with Jacob.

We reached the house and Jacob locked the door behind us before leading me upstairs. Once we were in his bedroom he slowly undressed me, caressing every inch of my body before picking me up and laying me on the bed. His touch was firm but gentle, almost reverent. His eyes were suspiciously bright in the dimly lit room.

I put my palm against his cheek. "Jake?"

"I'm okay," he said, covering my hand with his own. "I'm just going to miss you so fucking bad."

I took a deep breath as I felt tears threaten my own eyes. "I know. I'm going to miss you, too."

"Don't get me wrong, Bells," he whispered as he ran his hands along my torso, moving slowly up my body until he covered my breasts. "I'm happy. I just know it's going to be a long year." He lowered his head and captured one of my nipples in his mouth, sucking briefly and earning a moan from me in response. "I'll miss this, too."

He spent a long time focusing on me that night, bringing me to the edge with his hands and sending me all the way over with his mouth. When he entered me at last I was already sated, and I watched the shadows play across his face as he made love to me, his eyes sliding closed in the last moments before he came inside me.

We lay in each other's arms afterward and Jacob fell asleep before me. I watched him as he slept, snoring lightly, and I snuggled into his arms and pressed my ear against his chest, listening to his heart. "I love you, Jacob," I whispered into the darkness.

_I belong to you._

I drove back to Forks early the next morning to spend the rest of the day with Charlie. He wasn't looking forward to me leaving any more than Jake was, and I'd promised him that we would spend the day together. I knew that he'd stayed with Sue the night before, and I was hoping to beat him to the house and get some cleaning done before he got back. Jake was still half asleep when I left, and I kissed him goodbye and started a pot of coffee on my way out so that he could have some when he got up.

Charlie's car was still gone when I pulled up to the house, so I hurried inside and threw on a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt before hauling the box of cleaning supplies out from under the kitchen sink. I decided to start on the bathroom and get it over with, since that was my least favorite chore.

I was down on my hands and knees, scrubbing the tub, when it occurred to me that I'd left my earrings on Jacob's nightstand the night before. Not that it was any big deal, of course, but they were my favorite pair and I wouldn't want to leave them behind. I made a mental note to grab them the next time I saw Jake, and hoped I wouldn't forget. More than likely, he would notice and bring them to me before I had a chance to worry about it.

I finished up the tub and moved on to the toilet, hurrying through the task and sighing in relief when it was done. As I washing my hands I heard the doorbell ring downstairs. I dried my hands hastily and hurried down the stairs, wondering who would be at Charlie's door this early on a Sunday. The only thing that made sense was that it was Jake, assuming he'd already noticed my forgotten earrings.

The doorbell rang again and I ran to the door, flinging it open without even looking through the peephole first (Forks was definitely rubbing off on me). I looked up and my mouth fell open in surprise. Instead of the deep, rich brown I'd been expecting, the eyes staring back at me were a clear, flawless green.

"Edward."

**So...thoughts on Edward's return? As you might expect, shit is getting ready to hit the fan. I just hope you'll stick with me :)**


	16. Chapter 15

**This chapter was incredibly hard for me to write, and you may hate Bella (and me) by the time you finish reading it. But we all knew this was coming. All I can say is to take heart, this journey for Jake and Bells isn't over yet**...**and if anyone needs me after this, I'll be hiding in a bunker somewhere** ;)

**As usual, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and blah, blah, blah.**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 15

BPOV

_Edward. _

I stood there with my mouth open in shock, my hand still clutching the edge of the door as I stared at him in disbelief. He stared back for a few moments, and when I didn't move or speak he began to shift restlessly, jingling something in his pocket- car keys? I looked past him and saw that there was a dark blue sedan parked against the curb in front of Charlie's house. Finally, I found my voice as my eyes snapped back to his face.

"What are you doing here?"

He at least had the grace to look chagrined. "I'm sorry, Bella, I know the plan was for us to talk after you got home, but I- I didn't like how we left things at the end of our last phone call. I needed to see you."

"There was no 'plan,' Edward. I told you I didn't want to talk."

"I know. You said that later, as an afterthought. Your first answer was 'maybe.'"

"I know it was, and then I changed my mind. And you should have respected that," I replied icily. Edward took in my tone and my stiff posture, and his expression softened. His tone become wheedling.

"I really am sorry, Bella. May I come in? Please?"

My first instinct was to shout "Hell no!" and slam the door in his face. But somehow, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't know if it was our shared history or my polite upbringing or both, but I found myself stepping back and opening the door wide enough to allow him entry. "If you must." God_damnit_!

He stepped into the foyer and I wordlessly waved in the direction of the living room, following behind him. I sat down on one end of the couch, tucking my feet underneath me, and hoped like hell that he would sit in the recliner. He didn't. He settled on the other end of the couch, angling himself in my direction, and fixed me with his steady, green-eyed gaze.

I suddenly felt self-conscious in my cleaning clothes, although I didn't know why I should be. God knew Edward had seen me in various stages of dress and undress over the years, and he'd certainly seen me clean house before. Still, I ran my hand nervously over my messy bun and pushed back the damp tendrils of hair that had drifted down and stuck to my face and neck. Edward was impeccably dressed, as usual, and his bronze hair was carefully tousled. He looked extremely out of place in Charlie's well-worn living room.

"So," I said shortly, not even bothering to be nice about it. "Talk."

"I guess I shouldn't have expected you to be particularly happy to see me," he said, sighing. "I know I've disappointed you so many times." He ran a hand through his hair, and I was suddenly aware of how _nervous _he was. I'd never known Edward to be a nervous person. It made me feel a little ashamed of myself for being so belligerent.

"Yes, you did," I said, wanting to be honest, although I did my best to soften my tone.

"Alice warned me. She told me that I would never make you happy by being there for you only when it was convenient for me. I just got so caught up in running the business, and I _thought _I was doing the right thing. Here I was, working so hard to become successful so that I could provide you with the best life imaginable, and in doing so I only managed to push you further away."

"You weren't doing all that for me," I said, and even though I tried not to let it, bitterness crept into my voice. "You _thrive _on being a workaholic."

He nodded earnestly. "You're right, I do. But a lot of it was for you. And even when I wasn't with you, you were never out of my thoughts, or out of my heart. I always loved you, Bella. I _still_ love you."

I took a deep breath. This wasn't the way I had pictured this conversation going. I'd expected more of the same speech he'd given me on the phone, expected him to run through his list of promises again like a practiced politician. For once, Edward seemed to understand how _wrong _he had been. It made it harder for me to be angry with him.

Which in turn made me uncomfortable.

"I know it's ridiculous for me to expect you to give me another chance. I know I made you miserable. I made you feel like you weren't on my list of priorities at all, never mind being at the top. I know how little sense it makes for me to expect you to take me back, but that's what I'm asking for."

Anxiety began to overtake my senses. My heart was pounding, my stomach was churning. I felt the same way I had before jumping off the cliff in La Push, only ten times worse. And this time, Jake wasn't here to calm me down. I didn't like where this current conversation was heading, at _all._

"I love you, Bella," Edward said, oblivious to my impending emotional breakdown. "I've loved you for so long now that it's hard for me to imagine a time when I didn't. And if you give me a chance, I promise to show you that love the way I should have been doing all along. Let me prove to you that you're my number one priority."

As I watched in horror, he suddenly slid off the couch, coming to rest on his knees at my side. His hand slid into his jacket pocket and came back out holding a small velvet box, which he opened slowly to reveal a rather large, beautifully set diamond ring.

_Oh, Jesus Christ._

"For all the times I made you unhappy in the past, I'll gladly spend the rest of my life making it up to you. You'll never again have to doubt your place in my life, or in my heart. Isabella Swan, will you marry me?"

I felt my mouth open and close a couple of times as I tried to speak, and I was aware that I must have looked like a fish. "Edward…this is…I _can't._"

He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep, shuddering breath. When he looked up at me again, his eyes were pained and tear-bright. "Bella, love, just think about it. Please."

I swallowed hard, and my throat felt painfully constricted. I'd never seen Edward even _close_ to tears before, not in all the years we'd known each other. I reached down and closed the ring box carefully, before placing my hand on top of his. "Edward-"

"Don't answer yet. You can have some time to think about it. As much time as you want. I can get a flight back home anytime. If you want me to leave, I will. We can talk about it when you get back to Phoenix. Just don't-" he paused, struggling to calm the flow of words. I could tell that he felt out of his element, and he was trying desperately to regain a semblance of the control he so prided himself on. "Just don't say no yet."

"Edward-" I began again, but before I could say anything else, the phone began to ring in Charlie's kitchen. "Oh, fuck," I swore in irritation.

Edward's eyebrows shot up at my language. Save for an occasional lapse in the bedroom, I'd had a pretty clean mouth before I came to Forks. Jake must have rubbed off on me.

It suddenly dawned on me that it might very well be Jacob on the phone. "I need to get this," I said, and pulled my hands away from Edward's as I sprinted to the kitchen.

"Hello?" I asked, a little breathless.

"Hey, Bells. I just wanted to let you know you left your earrings over here."

At the relaxed, sunny sound of his voice, I wilted against the counter, the full weight of what had just transpired in the living room settling down on my shoulders. I hadn't even given Edward a firm "no" yet. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Bells?"

"I'm here, sorry. You caught me in a cleaning frenzy. The bathtub needed scrubbing, and I'm up to my elbows in Comet." I was amazed at how light, how _normal _my voice sounded. "I thought about the earrings earlier, but I just figured I'd get them back from you tomorrow sometime."

"If you want, I can bring them by later."

"That's okay. I mean, Charlie should be getting home soon, and I promised him we'd spend all day together."

"Okay, honey." If Jacob noticed anything strange about my tone or my evasiveness, he wasn't letting on. "I'll just see you tomorrow, then. I love you."

I slid deeper into the kitchen, stretching the phone cord until I was over by the sink. I flipped the water on and lowered my voice as much as I could. "I love you, too. Bye"

He said goodbye and I heard the faint _click _as he hung up. I stared at the phone, feeling sick to my stomach for what I had just done. I hadn't wanted Edward to hear me talking to Jake, or hear me say that I loved him. Which could only mean that I planned on keeping our relationship a secret. Which didn't make any sense…

I was hanging up the phone when Edward rounded the corner into the kitchen.

"Friend of yours?"

"Yeah," I said, still feeling like I might vomit at any moment. "A friend."

"I heard you say Charlie's going to be home soon. I should probably go. I know I'm not one of his favorite people," he said dryly. He seemed to have collected himself while I was on the phone.

"Oh, Edward, he likes you, he just…" I trailed off, not sure how to finish. It didn't matter, anyway. Edward had already turned around and was heading toward the front door. I trailed after him slowly, feeling the beginnings of a migraine brewing behind my temples.

"I'll call you later," he said, his hand on the doorknob. "I've got a room at a motel off the highway."

"Okay," I said softly. My head was starting to pound.

He suddenly pressed the little velvet box into my limp hand. "Hold on to this for me?" His eyes searched my face, his mouth quirking up in a trace of his familiar crooked smile. "Just promise me you'll think it over."

"Okay," I said again, realizing that I sounded like a moron. Edward didn't seem to mind. He bent down and kissed me lightly on the forehead, whispering, "I love you, Bella," before slipping quietly out the front door.

I stood in Charlie's foyer, looking down at the box in my hand, and immediately burst into tears.

What the hell was I doing?

More importantly, what had I already done?

* * *

After I managed to stop crying, I trudged upstairs wearily and immediately hid the ring in a corner of my dresser drawer. I wanted it out of my sight for the moment, and I definitely didn't want Charlie to see it. I had no intention of starting up a conversation about Edward with my father, at least not until I'd had a chance to think things over. At the moment I didn't even want to stop and ask myself what there was to think about. I knew I should have told Edward "no" from the beginning, and the fact that I hadn't was too much for me to wrap my brain around just yet.

I walked into the bathroom and surveyed my interrupted cleaning job. I thought about finishing it, but I couldn't bring myself to go back to such a mundane task after what just happened. Not to mention, I was definitely behind schedule.

"Fuck it," I said, sighing as I put away the cleaning supplies. I rinsed out the half-scrubbed bathtub and decided that a long, hot shower might help me feel just a tiny bit better.

I bathed and then stood under the spray for a long time, concentrating on the feel of the water hitting my back and trying to make my mind go blank. If I didn't want to have an uncomfortable conversation with Charlie, then it wouldn't do to appear sick with worry when I saw him. He'd know something was wrong before I even opened my mouth. By the time I felt sufficiently relaxed, the water was starting to run cold.

I was in my room getting dressed when I heard the front door open.

"Hey, Bells!" Charlie called cheerily.

_Bells. _The relaxed mood I'd fought so hard for in the shower completely dissipated at the sound of that one little word. It brought Jacob up so sharply in my mind that tears sprang instantly to my eyes. _My Jacob_. He loved me so much. If I accepted Edward's proposal, it would crush him.

The thought only made me cry harder. Until that moment, I hadn't allowed myself to recognize that I was honestly considering taking Edward back. I hadn't wanted to admit, even to myself, that part of me thought it was right thing to do. I was caught up in battle between my head and my heart. My over-analytical mind insisted that I had been with Jacob a very short time, and I couldn't really justify throwing away a long-term relationship over that, now could I? Meanwhile, my heart screamed at my mind to shut up.

I barely heard Charlie make his way upstairs. Before I could even attempt to collect myself, he was standing in my bedroom doorway, concern etched in his features.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

My plan to keep everything from him flew right out the window at the sound of his voice. Wordlessly I opened my dresser drawer and pulled out the ring box, handing it over to Charlie with a halting breath.

He opened the box and uttered a low whistle. "That's quite a ring," he said carefully.

I nodded numbly, reaching to grab the box as he held it out to me and then putting it on top of my dresser. There was no point in hiding it now. I had to deal with this, one way or another.

"So…I take it that it's not from Jacob, judging by your face. You look like you want to eat a bullet."

I shook my head slowly. "No, it's from…Edward." I sank down onto my bed, and Charlie sat next to me, looking down at his hands. He was always out of his element when it came to discussions of a highly emotional nature.

"He's in Forks, then."

"Yeah. I guess he just got in this morning. He showed up here just a little while ago, right after I got back from …Jake's." It was so hard to say either of their names. I felt like I was simultaneously stabbing both of them in the back.

"So you have the ring, but you're not wearing it. So I'm assuming you haven't given him an answer yet."

"No, not yet."

Charlie glanced sideways at me. "Correct me if I'm wrong, hon, but you've seemed pretty happy with Jake since you've been here. Happier than you've been in awhile."

"I have been happy," I whispered, as my heart throbbed painfully in my chest. I couldn't deny that Jacob had filled my days with a kind of peace and joy that I hadn't even realized I'd been living without. "But Edward…has really made some changes since I've been gone. He's trying to become someone that can be there for me the way I need. And we've been together going on six years now. Shouldn't that mean something? I mean, shouldn't those years mean more than-" I choked off, unable to even say the words out loud. _Shouldn't those years mean more than a summer romance?_

It wasn't just a summer thing, just a fling. It couldn't be. I _loved _Jacob. So why couldn't I just let Edward go? Why did I feel the need to come to his defense now? Why was I considering his proposal in the first place?

_Because six years trumps six weeks._

"Goddamnit!" I swore, making Charlie jump. "I don't know what to do. I _hate _this."

He reached over and began awkwardly rubbing my back. "I can't tell you what to do, honey." He paused thoughtfully. "I could tell you what I would do, if I were you."

"What's that?"

"I'd listen to my gut. Brains tend to get in the way, sometimes. It's easy to over-think yourself out of the right decision."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Well then…that's the best I got, Bella. I will tell you this, though- if you decide to go back to Edward, you better be sure that's what you really want. Because if you break Jacob's heart like this, he'll probably never forgive you."

* * *

The night after Edward proposed, I lay in bed wide awake, unable to sleep no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn't stop my mind from going over the possible outcomes of each scenario. I knew I was doing exactly what Charlie had told me _not _to do- I was over-thinking things, the way I always did. I just couldn't stop myself from feeling that weighing the pros and cons was the rational, mature way to handle this.

If I married Edward, my life wouldn't have to change. I could go back home, continue teaching at Mesquite, keep my tenure, be close to Renee. I would miss Charlie, but life would go on pretty much the same way it always had.

If I chose to continue my relationship with Jacob, I would have to completely uproot, move to Washington, start a new job (assuming I even found one). I would be near Charlie, but I would feel as if I was abandoning my mother.

Edward and I had a history- so many shared years, shared memories. We had a home together, an entire life built up in Phoenix that I would be giving up.

Jacob and I had this summer- arguably the best summer of my life.

And I loved them both. In different ways, maybe, but it was still love.

All these thoughts continued to swim around and around in my brain until the first streaks of light began to break through the curtains. It was morning, and I hadn't slept a wink. The one thing that I kept coming back to, the one thought that my logical mind screamed over and over no matter what my heart insisted upon, was this-

_Six years trumps six weeks_.

When I finally deemed that it was long enough past dawn, I crawled out of bed and yanked on a pair of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt to ward off the morning chill. I stuffed the ring in my pocket, grabbed my keys and purse, and drove my battered old truck down to the motel where Edward was staying. He'd called the night before and left me his room number, so I knew exactly where to go.

He opened the door as soon as I knocked, as if he'd been expecting me. With a smile that held more grim determination than real happiness, I pulled the ring box from my pocket, slipped the diamond on my left ring finger, and said the words that would inevitably reduce me to a numb phantom of the person I was once was.

"Yes, Edward, I'll marry you."

* * *

JPOV

I was happy on the day that Bella Swan decided to rip my heart out. Or at least, I started off that way.

I left for work in a great mood. The sun was shining, for once, and it was shaping up to be a beautiful day. I didn't have a lot of projects going on at the garage, so as long as walk-in business was light, I would be able to cut out right at five, and I knew that Bella was planning to meet me at my house. We could spend the entire night together, hopefully free from the angst and heavy conversation that clouded our last night with each other. We had a plan now, we knew where our relationship was going. We could relax and make the most of the time we had before she left to go back to Phoenix.

Just as I had hoped, work was relatively light. I shot the shit with Seth, took a long lunch, and was able to plan out what I thought would be an awesome dinner for that night. All in all, it was a pretty relaxing day. I was in my car and pulling out of the parking lot at exactly 5:05.

Even though I didn't have the world's best voice, I sang along with the radio on my way home, driving with the windows down and belting out some old school Metallica. The good weather was holding, so I decided that maybe we could eat outside on the deck. My mind drifted easily to after dinner, when I could spread a towel out on the sand behind the house and hopefully talk Bella into another round of beach sex…

I grinned when I pulled up to the house. Bella's truck was already parked in the driveway, and she was leaning against the driver's side, her hands in her pockets. I hit the button to open my garage door and waved to her as I pulled the Challenger inside and parked it. I hopped out and jogged back outside, sweeping her into a huge hug as soon as I reached her.

And that's when I knew something was wrong. I would have known sooner if I'd taken the time to really look at her face, but I'd grabbed her so quickly that I didn't see her expression. She was stiff in my arms at first, unresponsive. Then she slowly wrapped her arms around me, and I could feel her entire body shaking. I pulled back immediately, releasing her to the ground.

"Bells? What is it?" Her eyes were red and puffy, as if she'd been crying, and she looked like she was about to be sick. I noticed that she'd stuffed her hands into her pockets again.

"Oh, Jake," she whispered brokenly. I reached out to touch her face and she shied away, and I could feel my own stomach start to pitch and roll. Something was seriously fucked up here.

"Please, honey, tell me what's going on. Is it Charlie? Did something happen?"

"No, it's not Charlie." She looked up at me imploringly, her big brown eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Can we go inside? I think we should sit down."

"Bella, just tell me-"

"Jake, _please."_

"Okay," I said, genuinely scared now. I led the way up the stairs and unlocked the front door, stepping back to let her go in ahead of me. She went straight to the couch and sat down on the edge of it, her knee bouncing up and down nervously. She looked like someone about to face a firing squad.

I sat down next to her. "Okay, we're inside. Now what's going on?"

She looked at me for the longest time, her eyes flickering back and forth, almost as if she were trying to memorize my face. She reached out with her right hand, started to stroke my cheek, and then thought better of it. I grabbed her hand before she could put it back in her lap and grasped it between both of mine, my breath held as I waited for whatever it was she had to tell me. But nothing, and I mean _nothing _could have prepared me for the words that came out of her mouth.

"Edward showed up at Charlie's yesterday."

_Edward. Cullen's here, he's here in Forks and she's upset and crying and wanted me to come inside and sit down-_

I felt my blood turn to ice and I struggled to keep calm as I put two and two together. It didn't seem possible, this thing that I thought was happening. There was no way that Bella, _my Bells_, could be going back to that douche bag.

"What did he want?" I asked, surprised by how even my voice sounded.

She looked down, her long brown hair falling across her face. "He asked me to take him back."

"What did you tell him?" My voice was hushed now, barely above a whisper.

She didn't answer, and I could see her shoulders shaking. She was crying, silently.

_Oh please Jesus, no._

"Bells?"

She finally lifted her tear-streaked face to look at me. "Jake, I'm so sorry."

I felt like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I just sat and stared at her for what seemed like forever, but was in reality probably only a few minutes. Then, slowly, I felt myself thaw out enough to glance down at her hands. Her right one was still clenched in mine (a little too tightly, but I couldn't seem to loosen my grip) and her left was…still hidden in her pocket. Something clicked into place in my mind, and I was engulfed in suffocating waves of anger and sadness.

I didn't want to break down in front of her, to let her see how much I was hurting. So the sadness would have to wait until later. Only when she was gone would I allow myself to give in to my grief. I figured it was okay to be mad, though- anger was a manly emotion, and I had to let _something _out. I couldn't just sit there and take it.

"Show me your left hand," I said, my quiet voice almost a growl.

"Jake-"

"Show me your fucking hand!"

With tears still streaming down her cheeks, she hesitantly pulled her left hand from her pocket and held it out to me. The late afternoon sun streaming through the windows hit every facet of the large diamond on her ring finger, scattering prisms of light. Rage coiled in my stomach like an angry snake.

"Nice rock," I said sarcastically, as I stood and began to pace the room. "The fucker has expensive taste."

"I'm so sorry, Jacob. I never meant to hurt you," she sobbed. Unfortunately for her, I had zero patience for her tears just then.

"Stop. You don't have the fucking right to say that shit to me, to come here with _his _ring on your finger and tell me you didn't mean to hurt me. Bullshit. What, did you think I'd be okay with it? That I'd say, "Oh gee whiz, Bells, congratulations, have a nice life.'" I turned away from her, unable to even look at her, to see the tears she was pretending to shed for me.

"Jake," she cried, and I could hear her get off the couch and walk towards me. "I hate this, I hate hurting you. Maybe you don't believe me, but it's the truth. This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make."

I whirled around, coming face to face with her again. "Did you ever even love me at all, Bella? I mean, what was this, a summer fling? Was I just a good fuck to get you by until Edward was available again?"

Her eyes widened and she stumbled back as if I'd smacked her. "No, Jake, it wasn't like that. I swear to you, I didn't lie about any of the things I said to you. I do love you."

"_Then why are you doing this?" _I roared, the sound echoing off the high ceilings and ringing in my ears.

"I have a long history with Edward. We've been together for years, and yes, I was unhappy with some things, but…then I came here and met you, and I broke up with him because I couldn't think of anything _but_ you, but Jake- I can't just throw away those years with him, especially not when he's working so hard to change for me."

I shook my head, amazed at her stupidity, her blindness. "He won't change, Bella. He's in love with his work, and it'll always be more important to him than you are. There's nothing on this earth that I would put before you. But that's not enough for you, is it?" She didn't answer, so I turned around again, staring at the wall with unseeing eyes. "You know what, get out."

"Jake," she pleaded at my back.

"No, I've heard enough. We're done here. Get out of my house."

I listened to her footsteps as she came closer to me, and felt her hand lightly come to rest on my arm. I shook free of her touch. "Don't."

"I'm so sorry, Jacob," she said quietly, and by then I was sick and tired of her damn apologies.

"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I spent the last _ten years_ of my life giving a fuck."

She uttered a choked sob, and then finally, thankfully, her footsteps retreated towards the door. I stayed there staring at the wall, frozen like a statue until I heard the door click softly closed behind her. Then I let out a long breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding, turned around, and headed straight for the kitchen.

I banged the cabinets in irritation, having trouble locating what I was looking for. Finally, I found it on the top shelf of the cabinet closest to the refrigerator- an almost full bottle of Patron that Seth had given me the previous Christmas. At the time I thought of it as useless gift- I wasn't much of a drinker, unless it was beer- but I'd taken the obligatory shot with him anyway. The bottle hadn't been touched since then, but I was thankful as fuck that I hadn't thrown it away. I'd never needed a drink in my life as much as I needed one then.

I grabbed a glass and poured what was probably the equivalent of three shots into the bottom. I picked it up and tossed it back, relishing the feel of the slow burn in the back of my throat. I poured a little more into the glass and carried it and the bottle over to the couch, where I collapsed.

I nursed my second drink, staring around my living room without actually seeing it. I couldn't believe that she was really gone. My Bells. Everything I'd wanted, dreamed of, hoped for- it was over. My plans for the future, crushed to dust.

I swiveled the glass, watching the clear liquid slosh around inside it as I glanced out the sliding glass doors to the deck and the stretch of beach beyond. On the way, my gaze landed on the small table by the door, the one that held all my carvings. My eyes easily picked out the one I was always the most drawn to, the carving of Bella sitting on the driftwood log, ten years before. I'd loved her even then.

"Fuck!" I shouted suddenly, all the hurt and rage boiling over again. I threw the glass of Patron at the table and hit it squarely, knocking it over and sending the carvings crashing to the floor. The glass shattered on impact, soaking the rug in tequila and littering the surrounding hardwood with glass shards.

"Oh, shit," I moaned pitifully as I hurried to inspect the mess I had made. I fell to my knees, not caring that alcohol was soaking into my jeans. I picked my way carefully through the mess, shaking with relief when I realized that my Bella carving was still intact. My original intention had been to break it, and yet there I was, thanking God that I hadn't.

I traced the likeness of her face with a fingertip, recalling in perfect detail her smile, her laugh, the deep brown color of her eyes, her self-deprecating sense of humor, her intelligence, her passion- all the things that made her my Bells. I wondered if Cullen would ever appreciate her or love her the way I did.

As I sat there looking at the carving, a strange noise began to work its way into my consciousness. It was a terrible sound, a sort of strangled sobbing, a product of the deepest kind of grief. I put my hands over my ears, but I could still hear it- a pathetic, desperate wailing that screeched inside my head.

After a few moments, I realized that the sound was coming from _me._


	17. Chapter 16

**Ugh, I feel guilty about not updating sooner. The honest truth is that I needed a little break after that last chapter. Angst is very draining ;)**

**I realize this chapter is on the short side, but the good news is that Chapter 17 should be up in a couple of days. I was originally going to combine the two, but they just didn't flow together the way I'd hoped. Next update will be Jacob's POV.**

**Twilight and all characters therein belong to Stephanie Meyer.  
**

Chapter 16

BPOV

It seemed quite possible to me that I had never cried as much or as hard at any other point in my life as I did the night after I broke up with Jacob Black.

I did nothing else. I didn't spend time with Edward, didn't talk to Charlie, didn't make any calls, didn't eat or sleep. I sequestered myself in my old childhood room and bawled until my throat was sore and my eyes were red and scratchy. My father stayed downstairs and chose not to say anything, but I could practically feel his disappointment in my actions wafting up the stairs and seeping through the walls. His only reaction to my announcement of my engagement had been to shake his head and sigh before sinking down onto the couch in the living room, but the look on his face spoke volumes. He thought I was making a terrible mistake.

For a large part of that long, horrible night I tended to agree with him. I kept reliving moments of the past summer in my head, remembering how happy Jake and I had been together, and then my mind would flash to the image of his face when he saw the engagement ring on my left hand and I would be assaulted by a fresh onslaught of tears. The anger and sadness in his eyes would haunt me until the day I died, and I deserved nothing better. I'd broken the heart of a beautiful, wonderful man, and I felt lower than I ever had before.

Still, I'd made my decision and I had to live with it. No matter what my heart said to the contrary, my mind still believed I'd made the right decision, the logical one. So it was with grim determination that I dragged myself out of bed the morning after and fought my way through a shower, determined to hold the tears at bay and make an attempt at normalcy.

My eyes were still a bit red by the time I finished washing up, but other than that I looked much better. I found some Visine in Charlie's medicine cabinet and squeezed a couple of drops into each eye. Then I dressed and put on some makeup, and when I was done I looked surprisingly normal. There was nothing about my outward appearance to suggest the heaviness on my heart, and I preferred it that way.

I made my way downstairs and made breakfast for myself and Charlie, which we ate in silence. I honestly didn't know what I could say to him that would make the current situation any better in his mind. I could only hope that one day he would understand, or at least attempt to.

After breakfast he hurried upstairs to shower and dress for work and I started cleaning up the kitchen. As I was filling up the sink to wash dishes my cell-phone rang inside my purse. I picked it up and bit my lip nervously when I saw the name on the screen. Sighing, I answered.

"Hi, Alice."

"What happened, Bella?" she asked quietly.

"I'm sure Edward told you. He asked me to marry him, I said yes." Strange how the words still stuck in my throat.

"That's not what I meant. I mean, what happened to make you say yes? What about Jake?"

In halting sentences, I relayed the entirety of the day before to Alice while struggling not to cry again. When I was done, there was silence on her end of the line.

"Alice?"

"Are you sure this is what you want, Bella?"

"Yes," I said, trying to sound convincing.

"I don't believe you." Her voice was clipped, almost irritated. Then I heard a long, drawn-out sigh, and when she spoke again her tone had softened. "But…you're still my best friend, and I love you. The least I can do is support your decision. And it's not that I'm not thrilled at the prospect of having you as a sister-in-law," she added hurriedly, "because I am. I just want to know that you're going to be happy."

"I will," I assured her, hoping that it didn't sound as hollow to her as it did to me. "Edward loves me, and…I love him."

"I know he loves you," Alice replied, and I noticed how she skipped over any mention of _my_ love for_ him_- "But sometimes that's not enough."

"And sometimes it is," I said, trying not to snap at her.

"Okay, Bella," she said, sounding a little sad. "Okay."

* * *

I ended up leaving Forks the next day instead of staying the rest of the week. With Charlie and I not talking much, there didn't seem to be any point in sticking around. Edward chartered a plane to take us home to Phoenix, and after a lot of haranguing, agreed to have my truck shipped home as well. I didn't tell him the real reason behind my attachment to the truck, having decided that things would probably be a lot simpler if I kept my relationship with Jacob to myself. I knew Alice wouldn't rat me out, and neither would Charlie, considering that he could barely bring himself to say two words to Edward.

I hugged him goodbye at the front door before I left, tears stinging my eyes. I hated feeling that I'd let him down. He hugged me back and sighed into my hair.

"Good luck, Bells," he said softly, and I winced at the nickname. "I hope you know what you're doing."

"I love you, Daddy," I whispered, fully aware of the fact that I hadn't called Charlie "Daddy" since I was six or seven. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to apologize to _me_ for," he replied gruffly. "I love you, too, hon."

We released each other and I walked down the porch steps to join Edward, who was waiting on the walk, pretending to look up something on his phone. "I'm ready," I said quietly.

"Okay, love." He looked up and nodded respectfully in my father's direction. "Good to see you, Charlie."

Charlie muttered something unintelligible and retreated inside the house. I looked at Edward and shrugged.

"He'll come around," I said, not believing a word of it.

"We'll see."

* * *

I was surprised by how strange it felt to be back in Phoenix. It was as if I'd been gone much longer than just a couple of months. Everything seemed so much browner, so much drier than I remembered. Instead of driving down winding two lane roads lined with dense forest, the roads we traveled to get to our condo were big, busy, and laid out in a perfect grid. It felt alien to me, nothing like the way home should feel.

Even our condo felt odd to me. It was exactly the way I remembered it, but everything about the place- the furniture, the décor, the paint-scheme- seemed sterile and cold to me. It didn't look lived in- it looked like magazine spread. Instead of relaxing the way I'd hoped to once I was back in my own space, I found myself longing for Charlie's worn out couch and cluttered living room (or, even more strongly, for the cozy, earthy tones of Jacob's house).

If Edward sensed my unease he didn't mention it. If anything, he seemed completely relaxed and happy. He was also eager to make our engagement official by announcing it to everyone we knew. I barely had time to finish unpacking my luggage before he swept me off to meet a group of friends and coworkers for dinner and an impromptu engagement party. I did my best to smile and act blissful as I hung on Edward's arm, playing the part for this group of people I really cared very little about. I was grateful when it ended and I was able to escape back to the confines of our own house.

I honestly wanted nothing more than to curl up with a book for awhile and then go to bed, but Edward obviously expected what in _normal_ circumstances was the logical conclusion to the evening. We'd just announced our engagement and were back together after a long separation- it shouldn't have surprised me that he wanted to make love.

It felt as strange as it did familiar. I knew Edward so well, and we'd spent enough years with one another that it was easy to remember the way we had been together. Still, I had other experiences and other memories now that made it impossible to feel the way I used to. I found that I couldn't look at Edward without remembering staring into dark eyes, couldn't let myself melt at his touch without thinking of other hands. I held myself together until Edward had fallen asleep, and then I went downstairs and sat in front of the silent television, crying until I was exhausted enough to sleep.

It was that night that I resolved to never willingly allow myself to think of _him_ ever again. I'd made my choice, and now I had to live with it.

I filled my life with as many distractions as possible, which wasn't difficult with school starting back and a wedding to plan. We set the date for May, and despite her reservations about my decision, Alice stayed true to her word to be supportive and agreed to plan the wedding for me. I had no qualms about putting the event in her capable hands. I kept my mind off less appealing thoughts by listening to her prattle endlessly about dresses, color schemes, cakes, caterers, and reception halls. I stipulated that I wanted to keep things as low-key as possible, but other than that I was open to suggestions.

The guest list was huge, to my dismay, mostly comprised of business contacts of Edward's and old family friends that he felt he couldn't leave out. I was inviting my parents, of course, along with my mother's husband and a handful of old college friends and coworkers from school. Alice was going to be my maid of honor, and I'd reluctantly asked Emmett's wife, Rosalie, to be a bridesmaid. She was a bit on the snooty side and I'd never liked her much, but I felt funny leaving her out. Besides, it wasn't like I had so many other options to choose from.

Thus the days and months went by quickly enough, and I did my best to behave the way that was expected of me as the future bride of Edward Cullen. Edward, for his part, was spending more time at home and limiting his overnight trips. I could tell that he was trying, and although it was touching and unexpected, a part of me couldn't help feeling that it wasn't enough. Whatever spark had once existed between us just wasn't there anymore, and it wasn't something I wanted to admit. So I kept lying to myself.

Just like I lied to myself about the fact that no matter how well I did repressing my thoughts during waking hours, I still dreamed about Jacob Black at night.


	18. Chapter 17

**I've been sitting on this chapter because my cable company is weak sauce, and I haven't had internet for the last couple of days. That's also why I've unfortunately been a little lax in replying to reviews this time. If you reviewed the last chapter I very much appreciate the feedback :) As promised, this update is JPOV, and unfortunately, you probably won't like Bella any better after reading this. Hang in there, though. ****Also, compared to the books, I suppose Jake is a little OOC in this chapter. But since I set him up as a man who has experienced more than his share of personal tragedy, I think it fits. Everyone has a breaking point, after all. **

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, yada yada yada.  
**

Chapter 17

JPOV

I'd always thought of myself as an upbeat kind of guy, a resilient guy who took whatever life threw at him and yet still managed to find reasons to want to get up in the morning. A guy who had a smile for everyone no matter how he felt on the inside. I'd survived the death of both my parents _and_ my adoptive father and come through stronger than before. But as the old saying goes, there's always the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Bella Swan was my straw.

I spent most of the first night after she left crying and drinking to try to forget why I was crying. As a result it was morning before I cleaned up the tequila and glass mess on my living room floor, my head pounding from the first hangover I'd had in years. When I was finished I dragged myself back upstairs to shower, and vowed that I would never drink that much again.

Of course, I lied.

I didn't drink because it made me forget her. There was no amount of alcohol in the world that could erase the existence of Bella from my mind. No, I drank because it made it easier to remember her. It still hurt like hell, I'd be lying if I said it didn't, but it wasn't the raw, sharp pain that I experienced while sober. It was muted, hazy- and much more tolerable.

It wasn't long before my friends and family started noticing the changes in me. They'd expected me to be hurt and upset when Bella left, but they'd thought that I would handle it the way I handled everything else- by pushing through and finding something to be positive about. When they realized that a sullen drunk had taken the place of the Jake they knew and loved, they started taking turns trying to get me to snap out of it. My reaction was to avoid them. Seth had never really been in love and so his reassurances just annoyed me. Sue meant well, but I couldn't stand her sympathy. And being around either Sam and Leah or Quil and Claire, and seeing how happy they were together, just made me all the more aware of what I'd lost.

The only person I could stand to hang out with was Embry. Despite the fact that his non-stop bullshit rambling sometimes made me want to punch him in the face, he did serve his purpose as a distraction. So when he begged me to go with him to a club in Seattle one weekend in late September, I decided it might not be such a bad idea.

"What you need to do is get laid," Embry said on the drive up, as sagely as if he were imparting the wisdom of the ages. "Trust me, there's nothing like it to cure what ails you."

"Are you fucked in the head? You really think scoring some random ass is enough to fix everything?" I shook my head, suddenly wishing I'd stayed home. Embry wasn't going to let up unless I brought a girl back to our hotel with me.

"Look, man- you got dumped and I get it. I know you loved her, I'm not stupid, in spite of what you may think. But trust me, the sooner you get back in the saddle, so to speak, the better off you'll be."

"Sure, sure," I grumbled, half of me actually wondering if he might be right.

I almost turned around and left Embry's ass in the parking lot later that night when I realized that the club he had picked was the same one Bella and I had gone to with Alice and Jasper. Embry turned around when he noticed I wasn't following him.

"Dude, what now?" he asked, exasperated.

"I, uh…does it have to be this one?"

"What's wrong with it?" Then something about my expression must have tipped him off, because he rolled his eyes skyward. "Oh, Jesus," he sighed dramatically. "It's walls and a roof, Jake, that's all. Just because you came here with Bella-"

"Fine, let's just go," I growled, not about to discuss it. I pushed past Embry and headed for the entrance, leaving him trailing behind me.

The dance floor was already open, so we headed upstairs, Embry at my heels. I went straight to the bar and ordered a double shot of 1800, knocking it back like it was water. Embry just shook his head. "Alright then," he said when I'd set the glass back down on the bar. "Let's scout out a location."

We found an unoccupied corner table and set up camp. It wasn't very long before we were approached by a pair of local college girls, one blonde and one brunette. The brunette asked Embry to dance, mercifully leaving me with the blonde, who was blue-eyed and had huge breasts and looked absolutely nothing like Bella. She introduced herself as Allison and we soon joined her friend and Embry on the floor.

Allison turned out to be a good dancer, and she definitely wasn't shy. She was also on the tall side and wearing platform heels, so we weren't quite as unevenly matched as I was used to. She wasted no time plastering herself so tightly against me that I couldn't have wedged a credit card between us, and my body responded to her in spite of myself. For a moment I actually felt guilty, like I was somehow betraying Bella and what we had together, but I reeled that emotion in as quick as I could. Bella left me _for someone else. _I didn't owe her a goddamn thing.

Several dances and several drinks later, Allison pressed up against me at the bar and slid her hands into my back pockets. "Want to get out of here?" she asked with a sexy smile.

I glanced around for Embry, slightly surprised at how my vision wavered, and spotted him sandwiched between the brunette friend (I couldn't remember her name) and a new girl that I didn't recognize. Allison followed my gaze and snickered. "I think he's doing okay," she said. "Besides, I'll drive."

That was fine with me, because we'd come in Embry's car and besides that, I'd had a lot to drink. I let Allison lead me downstairs and out to her car, some tiny little Japanese thing. I told her what hotel we were staying at and leaned back in the seat, closing my eyes.

I might have nodded off if she hadn't started using my cock as a gearshift. _That _woke me up. Jesus, I hadn't even kissed her yet. Had I? I couldn't remember.

Allison drove fast, or at least it seemed that way. The next thing I knew we were walking upstairs to my room and then I was fumbling with the keycard. I swore with impatience when it continued to blink red.

"Oh, come the fuck _on_!" I yelled, and Allison giggled. Green light. Finally.

We stepped inside and I kicked the door shut behind us, pinning her against it as soon as it closed. I kissed her hard, urgently, and she responded by wrapping her arms around my neck and yanking my hair so hard I almost saw stars.

"Bed," I panted after a few minutes, and walked backwards with her until I felt the mattress hit my legs. I fell back, trying to drag her with me, but she pushed on my chest until I was sprawled out and she was standing between my knees. With a devilish grin she pulled her shirt up over her head and tossed it to the side. Her bra was lacy and fire engine red, but I only had a moment to enjoy it before it joined her shirt.

"Jesus," I breathed. She had amazing tits. They were just a perky out of the bra as they were in it, and as she leaned over me I could tell they were very much real. I reached up and palmed them, maybe a little rougher than I should have, and she moaned. Her fingers flew as she unbuttoned my shirt and pulled it open, running her long, manicured nails down my chest and stomach.

"You're _sooo _hot," she gushed, and I wanted to tell her not to talk. I knew how much of an asshole I would sound like if I did, though, so I kept quiet. She shimmied out of her jeans and underwear and then proceeded to yank my pants off. It felt like everything was moving incredibly fast, but maybe it was better that way. It gave me less time to think.

She got down on her knees between my legs and grasped me with her right hand, her intentions very clear as she licked her lips. I looked down at her and couldn't help but remember the way Bella had looked when she did this for me, the way she would stare up at me with her big brown eyes, innocent and dirty at the same time.

_Dammit._

"Wait," I said, and Allison looked up at me, confused. "I just want to be inside you," I added, and she smiled. She climbed onto the bed with me and I grabbed my jeans, pulling out one of the condoms I'd shoved into my pocket just in case. She moved to straddle me and I stopped her again.

"Turn around," I said, a little sharply, and she complied eagerly. Apparently she liked being ordered around. That should have turned me on even more, but I was starting to feel a little disjointed. Thoughts and images of Bella floated through my mind and I struggled to block them out. Allison was unbelievably hot and she was all but begging for my dick. I could do this. I _would _do this.

Bella was probably fucking Cullen right about then, anyway.

Pain rolled over me in sickening waves at the thought, and I fought it off with effort. I rolled the condom on over my erection, thanking God that my anatomy seemed blissfully unaware of my mental anguish. Closing my eyes, I grabbed Allison's hips and thrust into her, hard.

She moaned my name and I gritted my teeth, trying to concentrate on the flood of sensation instead of the memory of Bella's lips, her body, her _smell. _Instead of the way we had fit so well together. I tried to forget that I would never love anyone else, _ever,_ the way I loved her.

I opened my eyes then, and realized that I had stopped moving and that Allison was looking at me over her shoulder.

"Uh, Jake?"

_Fuck me._

This was probably going to be the single most embarrassing thing I'd ever done. I withdrew from her slowly, sitting down next to her on the bed. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this right now."

She glanced down and smirked. "It looks like you _can._"

"Okay, maybe he can, but I can't." I offered her a rueful smile. "The truth is, I'm getting over a bad-"

"What are you, some kind of pussy?"

I blinked. "What?"

"You brought me up here to fuck, right?" she asked angrily. "And now you want to whine about how you _can't_?"

I ran my hands through my hair and stared at her. I guess I'd thought that, as a woman, maybe she would be understanding. Obviously I was wrong. "Look, it's not you-"

"You're goddamn right it's not me," she replied. She got up and began putting her clothes on. She grabbed my jeans and threw them at me, and I just barely caught them before they hit me in the face. "I can't believe this. What a fucking epic waste of time."

Now _I_ was getting pissed. "Look, I said I was sorry, okay? You don't have to be such a bitch." Ordinarily I didn't go around calling women bitches, but hey, if the shoes fits…

Allison glared and me and then yanked the door open, turning back around just long enough to flip me the bird. "Fuck you very much, asshole," she spat, and then she was gone, slamming the door as hard as she could. The sound reverberated around the room, and my head began to pound.

I suddenly felt sick. It wasn't just the alcohol, because as much as I'd had that night, it was nothing close to what my system was capable of handling. It was everything- the booze, my failed attempt to screw away my problems, all of it. I bolted into the tiny bathroom just in time to lift the toilet lid and throw up the contents of my stomach. When everything was gone I continued to dry-heave, tears streaming down my face as I moaned and clutched the toilet bowl. When I was finally done I collapsed on the bathroom floor, trying to catch my breath.

Embry was _so_ going to kick my ass for this.

* * *

I'd like to say that was the night that I hit rock bottom and realized I needed to straighten up, but it wasn't.

I never did get drunk again after that night. I'd discovered that in the end, it didn't matter what I did or how much I drank, I was never going to escape my pain at losing Bella. But the fact that I no longer drank myself into a stupor didn't mean that I was healing or moving on- quite the opposite, actually. Without alcohol to dull the pain, I felt everything. And I let it crush me.

I avoided everyone after Seattle, even Embry. I went to work, came home, fell asleep in the front of the TV, and that was it. I usually used a little tequila or some whiskey to help me nod off, and even though I was no longer drinking to intoxication, the fact that I felt like I _needed _the booze should have bothered me. Strangely enough, it didn't.

I wasn't even sure how many weeks had passed since Seattle. I'd stopped looking at the calendar because it depressed me to think of long Bella had been gone. So it was a shock to me when I drove home from work one cool, crisp afternoon and saw trick-or-treaters making their way down the side streets armed with candy buckets. Could it really be Halloween already?

My second shock came when Seth pulled into my driveway behind me. Outside of work, I'd barely said two words to him since August. Whatever he wanted, it was probably just going to piss me off.

He was already out of his truck and stalking toward me by the time I climbed out of my car. I shut the garage door and started for the house, passing by him without a word. He followed me, his boots crunching loudly on the gravel behind me.

"We need to talk, Jake," he said angrily. "I'm tired of you blowing me off at work, so here I am."

I unlocked the door wearily, wondering how angry Sue would be if I slammed the door in her youngest child's face. It probably wouldn't be pretty. With a sigh I stepped back enough to let Seth come inside. "What's up?"

He stormed into the living room while I kicked my boots off and tossed my keys down on the kitchen counter. He waited until I joined him to start talking.

"Look, I'm pretty much past the point of giving a fuck, myself. I've tried as much as I can to get you rejoin the world of the living. We all have. Frankly, I've expended about as much energy on you as I'm capable of. But I'm here as a favor to Mom."

"Your concern is touching, Seth," I said dryly, sinking down onto the couch.

"You have to snap out of it, man. Mom's worried sick about you. You don't come by, you never call her, all you do is mope around at work and then come home and mope. And we all know that you're practically an alcoholic. Mom loves you, Jake. She loves you like you were her own flesh and blood. You can't do this to her."

I leaned my head against the back of the couch, closing my eyes as I thought about Sue. I hated worrying her, I really did, but I couldn't be happy-go-lucky Jake again, just like that. I wasn't sure I remembered how.

I realized Seth was still talking. "-even fighting with Charlie now."

I opened my eyes. "What?"

"Fucking pay attention, would you? I said Mom's even fighting with Charlie now. About you. Because she's so worried that she's started expressing her resentment at Bella for leaving. And as much as Charlie agrees with her, that's his daughter, you know. He's sort of honor-bound to defend her."

I rubbed my face with my hands, staring at Seth from in between my fingers. "Fuck," I said meekly. "I didn't know this was affecting her and Charlie."

"Well, it is. Pull your head out of your ass. I'm sorry she left, man, I really am, but seriously, is it worth putting your family through this over some dumb bitch who-"

I stood up so fast my head spun, grabbing Seth by the front of his shirt and yanking him to me until we were nose to nose. "Don't you _ever _fucking talk about her like that. You don't know her."

Seth's eyes widened slightly, but his voice remained level. "Give me one good reason why I should have _any _charitable thoughts about Bella Swan. _One_."

_Because she loved me_, I wanted to say. It was the one thought that sustained me through my darkest moments, the belief that in spite of her leaving, in spite of what I'd accused her of, she really had loved me. I had to cling to that belief. My sanity depended on it. But I knew Seth would never believe it- sometimes, even _I _didn't.

Seth took my silence as my answer. "Yeah, that's what I thought." He met my still-furious gaze with one of his own. "Christ, Jake, you're like a brother to me. Is this what it's come down to? Are you going to beat my ass now?"

I looked down at my hands which were still clenched into fists around Seth's shirt, and forced them to relax. I stepped away from him and hung my head in shame. What the hell was happening to me? Was this who I had become? I raised my head with effort and fought back the tears that sprung to eyes.

"I'm sorry, Seth," I choked out. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"Yeah, I can see that."

We stared each other for a few moments, until finally Seth heaved a sigh and started toward the front door. "I've said what I came to say, anyway. The rest is up to you. I'm done."

"Seth," I called as he was halfway out the door, "Tell Mom I love her."

"Tell her yourself," he yelled, and slammed the door behind him.

I sat back down on the couch and dropped my head into my hands, the tears coming faster than I could stop them. I'm not sure how long I sat there crying, thinking about everything Seth had said, but when I finally raised my head again, my eyes were dry and I knew what I needed to do.

I needed to call the one person who would actually understand, the one person who might be able to offer me comfort and advice. I knew in my heart that it was a call I should have made months before, but the truth was, I hadn't been ready to heal. A part of me had wanted to give into the pain, to let it consume me, but I realized that I no longer had that luxury. Too many other people were being forced to suffer along with me, and I couldn't do that to them anymore.

And not only that, but for the first time since Bella left, I actually _wanted _to feel happiness.

So I sat up and grabbed my phone, dialing the number before I could talk myself out of it.

"Leah? It's Jake. Can we talk for awhile?"

* * *

Leah did more than just talk to me on the phone. She left the kids with Sam and came over, armed with sodas and pizza. We talked for hours over our cheap dinner, and when we were finished I actually felt _better. _Before she left, Leah made me pour every bit of alcohol in the house down the sink while she watched.

"I'm not saying you have to become some teetotaler," she told me, "but you don't need it in the house where it can easily be your crutch."

"Yeah, I know," I agreed, watching as the steady streams of clear and amber liquid swirled down the drain.

"And tomorrow, you need to go see Mom."

"I know that, too. I owe a lot of apologies to a lot of people."

Leah shook her head. "Don't apologize, Jake. Just start _living _again_._ That's all anybody wants from you."

I finished emptying the last bottle and then grabbed Leah, hugging her as hard as I could without crushing the hell out of her. "Thank you," I said quietly.

"You're welcome," she said, her voice muffled against my chest. "The next time you need to talk, don't wait so long." Then she paused, laughed softly. "Can I breathe now, please?"

I released her. "Sorry," I said sheepishly.

"I love you, Jake. I'm always here for you. So is Mom…and so is Seth, even if he is a little shit, sometimes. Don't forget you have us."

"I won't. I love you, too."

After Leah left, I finished cleaning up the kitchen and then sank down heavily on the couch. Our talk had been emotionally draining, but I honestly believed that it had helped. For the first time in months I was able to think about the future without feeling despair. I actually felt hopeful that maybe, someday, it wouldn't hurt so much- and that that day might come sooner than I expected.

Reaching out to Leah had made me think about other people that I'd nearly forgotten about, and so despite how late it was, I did something I hadn't done since Bella left- I signed into X-Box Live.

Before everything went to hell, Jasper and I had become pretty good friends. I was able to relate to him in a way that I seldom did with Quil and Embry these days. If I was being honest with myself, I'd been growing apart from my old friends long before Bella Swan came back into my life. Jasper was a good guy, and the first new friend I'd made in years. I hadn't talked to him since Bella left because I thought it would remind me too much of her, but now I realized that shutting myself off from the rest of the world wasn't doing me any favors.

I was surprised to find him online. I'd expected Alice to have him out at some big Halloween party, or for him to playing a gig somewhere. I debated briefly, wondering if he would even want to talk to me.

_What the hell, _I thought, and sent him a voice chat invitation.

It only took him a minute or so to respond. "Hey, man…how have you been?" he asked, somewhat cautiously.

I thought about how to answer that. "Good" or "Okay" were flat-out lies, but I didn't want to come off as some emo pansy by telling him how horrible I'd been, even if it was the truth.

"I guess that's a dumb question," Jasper said, saving me from replying. "I, uh, was sorry to hear about what happened."

"Thanks. I think I'm actually…doing okay now, though."

"Yeah? That's good." He seemed to sense that I'd rather not talk about it, for which I was grateful. "So, you wanna shoot some fuckers?" he asked.

"Sure. Get us in a game."

And while I waited for Jasper to find a match for us, I smiled into the emptiness of my dark living room, and felt okay about it.


	19. Chapter 18

**Yikes, I feel horrible about not updating this sooner. I realize it's been a month since I posted the last chapter, and I hated to leave everyone hanging. Unfortunately, my computer crashed while I was working on this chapter, and since I'm not smart enough to back up my work, I lost everything I'd written so far. Once I was able to get my computer issues squared away I had to try to remember what I'd already written. Needless to say that caused a lot of headaches, because it was hard to get everything down _exactly_ the way I had it the first time. That being said, I hope this chapter is up to par, and barring any future calamities, I hope to have Chapter 19 up within a week or two.**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight; I make no claim on it.  
**

Chapter 18- BPOV

_December_

I wasn't sure how long I'd been sitting on the balcony, tears streaming down my cheeks and choked sobs ripping their way up from my chest, but it seemed like a very long time. Two of our neighbors had shut off their Christmas lights, and the remaining ones seemed to glow even brighter in the increased darkness, their bulbs appearing as watery orbs through the veil of my tears. I hugged my knees to my chest and shut my eyes, preferring to picture Jacob in my mind, as much as it hurt to do so. I could recall every beautiful feature of his face as if he were right in front of me, as if the last few months had never happened.

I heard the sliding glass door open behind me and I sat up with a start, my hands immediately flying to my face to swipe the tears from my cheeks. I turned around to see Edward standing in the doorway, eyes bleary with sleep and bronze hair disheveled.

"Bella? What's wrong?"

It was on the tip of my tongue to say "nothing," but he had obviously been woken up by my crying. He knew it was _something_.

Instead I just lowered my head, letting all of the guilt and regret that had been building up since August crash down on me. "Oh, Edward," I sobbed.

"Come inside, love," he replied, his expression now clearly alarmed. He took my hand and led me into the bedroom, where he crawled back under the blankets. He looked up at me expectantly, waiting for me to join him, but I didn't feel comfortable getting back in bed for what I was about to say.

Because in that moment just before I came back inside, I'd finally decided to tell Edward the truth. I owed him that much.

"Ed-Edward," I began falteringly, trying to regulate my breathing, "There's something we need to talk about. About this past summer, while I was in Forks."

He waited quietly, his green eyes slightly wary, watching me as I paced around the bedroom for a minute. I was stalling, casting around in my head for the right words, even though there really was no "right" way to say what I needed to tell him. Finally I stopped in front of him, forcing myself to meet his gaze.

"After we broke up, I started seeing someone else."

I watched a glimmer of pain flash briefly in his eyes, but otherwise his face betrayed nothing. "I see. Was this someone you met afterwards?"

"Well, no. I ran into him when I first got to town, but I actually knew him as a kid. His dad was Charlie's best friend."

"Did anything happen before we-"

"No!" I interrupted forcefully. I knelt down on the bed at Edward's side, begging him with my eyes to believe me. "Nothing happened. Not until after."

"But you-" he paused for a second and swallowed, seeming to struggle with his composure. "You must have thought about it, then."

"I was attracted to him from the beginning," I admitted miserably, my eyes filling with tears again. "But I never acted on it until we broke up. I wouldn't have."

Edward took a deep breath and studied my face for a moment before letting it out. "No, I know you wouldn't."

"He wasn't the reason why I broke it off, either. My…feelings for him complicated things, but you and I were in a bad place to begin with."

"I know."

I looked away at the obvious regret in his voice, staring down at my hand instead as I picked at a loose thread on the blanket. The room was so quiet that I could hear the wall clock ticking down the hall. Finally Edward spoke again, an icy edge to his tone that I'd never heard him address me with before.

"What's his name?"

"Jacob Black."

"How did you happen to run into him?"

"He's the one that sold me the truck."

"The _mechanic_?"

I heard the slight derision in his voice and I bristled, instinctively defensive of Jacob. "He owns his own business, and he's very good at what he does," I snapped. Instantly I regretted speaking, knowing this probably wasn't the best time to sing Jacob's praises. Edward stared at me, an eerie smile playing at the edges of his mouth.

"You're protective of him. It must have been…serious."

My cheeks burned and I had to fight the strong desire to look away again.

"So did you sleep with him?"

_I need to be honest with him now_, I reminded myself. "Yes, I did."

Suddenly Edward flung the covers back and sprang to his feet, startling me with the sudden movement. His hands clenched and unclenched reflexively at his sides, and his eyes were dark with anger. I realized that I'd honestly never seen Edward lose his temper before, never seen him without his unflappable calm. _Exasperated_, _irritated- _those were emotions I was familiar with seeing him display, but this- this was different. This was rage. This was _hurt._

I never could seem to stop hurting people.

"What the _fuck?_" he shouted, and I flinched. "You end things with me on the phone, barely allowing any time for us to talk about it, and the next thing you do is run off and fuck some mechanic?"

"Edward, it wasn't like that," I protested feebly.

"Then how was it, Bella?"

I didn't know what to say, so I just lowered my head. I couldn't bear to see that angry pain in his eyes anymore.

Edward wasn't going to allow me the luxury of looking away. "Bella. Look at me."

I met his gaze with effort.

"Did you love him?"

"Yes."

"Do you still love him?"

My breath caught in my throat. Of course, the answer was yes. I was in love with Jacob Black. I had never stopped being in love with him, even when I accepted Edward's proposal. I'd lied to myself for months, pretending that Edward was who I really wanted, when deep down I knew who truly had my heart. But if I admitted it out loud, to Edward no less, then there would be no going back. I would have to deal with the consequences, whatever they were.

I was tired of lying. Tired of being afraid.

"Yes, I still love him."

"Well that certainly changes things, doesn't it?"

"Edward, I'm so sor-"

"Don't," he interrupted, holding up his hand. "I can't listen to that right now."

I stopped talking briefly only to begin immediately protesting when he started to get dressed. "Edward, where are you going? Don't leave! It's the middle of the night."

"I need to be by myself for a while," he answered shortly as he buttoned his shirt. I could see that his hands were shaking slightly.

"You don't have to go anywhere. I'll go. I can drive over to my mom's house."

"No, Bella," he said, and his tone was suddenly softer. He looked at me with eyes that were suspiciously bright. "I can't be _here_. Not in our house. I need to- I just need to go." He turned and hurried out into the hallway and down the stairs. I flung myself off the bed and followed after him, running to catch up with him at the front door.

"Edward!" I cried.

He turned around in the open doorway, his lips stretched in a tight grimace. "Yes, Bella?"

"Be careful," I whispered.

He nodded once, a clipped, jerky movement, and then he was gone.

* * *

I didn't even attempt to go back to sleep after Edward left. I knew there was no way in hell that I'd ever manage it.

Instead I curled up in a ball of misery on the living room sofa, letting the tears flow again until my throat was raw and my nose was thoroughly compacted. By then I was sick of crying, and ready to figure out what I was going to do to fix the complete fucking mess I'd made of my life.

The one thing I knew for certain was that there was no way I could marry Edward, not even if he still wanted to. If there had ever been a future for us, that ship had sailed a long time ago. It was never going to work between us. Even though Edward _had _changed, at least as much as he was able, it would never be enough to mesh with what I wanted in life. He was always going to be thoroughly invested in his career. It was so ingrained in his personality that I didn't think he knew how to be any different, as much as he might have wanted to for my sake. True to his word, he _had _spent more time at home since we returned from Forks, but I could tell it wasn't want he really wanted. In all honestly, I thought that Edward was possibly as unhappy as I was.

I knew he loved me- in a way, at least- but I didn't believe that he was _in love_ with me any more than I was with him. We'd grown even further apart in the months since he proposed, during a time when we should have been closer than ever. Jacob or no Jacob, Edward and I still wouldn't have lasted. I knew that now.

I also knew that I wanted to be with Jacob more than I'd ever wanted anything. The question was, would he have me?

I remembered my father's words on the day that I accepted Edward's proposal. _"Because if you break Jacob's heart like this, he'll probably never forgive you."_

I wasn't entirely sure how Jacob had been since I'd left Forks. Charlie seemed as reluctant to talk about him as I was reluctant to ask. I only knew that he'd avoided everyone for awhile, but that he'd started acting a little more like his old self by the end of October. Charlie hadn't mentioned if he was dating anyone, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. He very well could have moved on for good.

Whatever the case was, I decided- if he was with someone else, or if he just hated me so much that he never wanted to see me again- I would deal with it. But no matter what, I had to try. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I never told him that I was wrong, that I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone. I was prepared to face whatever heartbreak I might suffer if it meant Jacob knowing the truth.

And I knew that to accomplish all that, I needed to see him, in person, as soon as possible. Before I could do anything, though, I needed to talk to Edward.

I tried calling him on his cell, but he apparently had it turned off. I was worried about him, especially if he was just driving around aimlessly. Phoenix wasn't the safest place in the world for motorists. I hoped that wherever he was, he was calm enough to pay attention to his surroundings. I couldn't lived myself if he got hurt because of me.

After the first rays of light began to stream in through the east-facing windows and I still hadn't been able to get in touch with Edward, I was out of my mind with worry. I finally broke down and called Alice, even though it was still extremely early. After three rings, someone picked up and I heard Jasper's sleepy voice mumble a greeting.

"Jasper, it's Bella. I'm so sorry to bother you guys this early, but I was wondering if Alice has heard from Edward in the last few hours."

"No, no one's called but you," Jasper replied, sounding more alert now. "What's going on?"

I heard Alice's voice in the background and a shuffling noise as the phone changed hands. "Bella? What's wrong?"

"I'm not sure where Edward is. We had a bit of an…argument late last night, and he got dressed and left. He's not answering his phone, and I'm just worried. I was hoping maybe you'd talked to him."

"No, I haven't heard from him, but I'm sure he's fine, Bella. You know Edward's not the type for reckless driving or anything like that," Alice said reasonably. "What did you argue about?"

"I told him about Jake," I admitted.

There was a long pause. "Oh," Alice finally replied, her voice quiet. "I guess he didn't take it well."

"No, he didn't."

"Well, Bella, I hate to say I told you so, but…you should have told him the truth from the beginning. He had a right to know that you'd gotten involved with someone else."

"I know." I sighed, feeling the residual tightness in my throat as I did. "I really fucked everything up, didn't I."

"Pretty much. The question now is, what are you going to do about it?"

"I'm going to see Jacob," I said firmly. "And I'm not marrying Edward. It was never the right thing to do, even if it seemed that way at the time. I guess sometimes the 'right' thing is the _wrong _thing."

"Sometimes."

"Alice, I'm sorry," I blurted out.

She laughed softly. "What the hell are you apologizing to _me_ for?"

"For being an idiot and doing this to your brother."

"It wasn't right to accept his proposal when you were so conflicted, Bella, you're right about that. But I think you know that you and Edward are two completely different types of people. I'm sure he knows it, too. He'll survive this. I'm not angry with you, Bella. I'm just glad you're finally doing what's right for you _and _my brother."

"You're an amazing friend, Alice."

"Yeah, yeah," she replied dryly, but I could hear the smile in her voice.

It was at that moment that I heard the sound of a lock turning at the front door. "Alice, he's back," I said hurriedly. "I better go talk to him."

"Call me later if you need to."

"Thanks." I hung up just as Edward walked through the door, looking tired and a little sad, but otherwise no worse for the wear. Relief sluiced through me, and I let out a shaky sigh.

"Thank God. Where were you?"

"At the office." He walked slowly into the kitchen, and I followed him. He sat down at the kitchen table and I took the chair to his immediate right. He raked his hands through his hair and gave me a somewhat sheepish smile. "I didn't think you'd be so worried."

I swallowed painfully. "Of course I was worried. You were so upset when you left…I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I just needed to get away for a bit." He glanced at me again, and I saw that his eyes, while sad, contained none of the anger I'd witnessed earlier. "Bella, I'm not mad at you for seeing someone else after we broke up. You had that right. My pride just took a hit, thinking that I'd be so replaceable…and I was angry that you accepted my proposal without telling me. I think I had a right to know that you'd been with someone else, given the circumstances."

"You did have a right to know, and I'm so sorry I didn't tell you." Fresh tears shimmered in my eyes, but I fought them back. We needed to be able to have a rational conversation, and my blubbering wouldn't help that. "My intention wasn't to replace you, Edward. My feelings for Jacob developed on their own. He and I- we have more things in common than you and I ever did. We want the same things in life. We're both _simpler_ people. You thrive on your career, your busy schedule, your networking…that's not me."

"I tried to change for you."

"I know. But you shouldn't have to. You're Edward Cullen, famous architect," I said, smiling through my tears. "It's who you are. You need someone in your life who is as career-oriented as you, who can truly understand and appreciate the struggles and pressures you face. Somebody who won't mind a hectic schedule and who will be comfortable going with you to fancy business dinners and mingling with rich clients at parties. Someone who can support you and be proud of you without the slightest hint of resentment."

"And you deserve someone who enjoys being home more, and who isn't gone two weeks out of every month. Somebody you can raise a family with." Edward took my hand, holding it firmly between his. "I love you, Bella. I will always have love in my heart for you, and that's what made it so difficult to let you go. After spending six years with you it was hard to imagine my life without you in it. But if I'm being honest, I have to admit that I'm not the right man for you." He paused, and I was saw that there were tears in his eyes, as well. "I have to let you go."

I couldn't hold my own tears back any longer, and they spilled over my cheeks. "Oh, Edward."

"So was Jacob good to you?"

"Oh, yes," I answered sadly, though I was surprised that he would ask that. "He was wonderful."

"The you should be with him, Bella. I want you to be happy. More than anything in this world, I want you to be happy."

My hand trembled in his. "I'm not sure if he'll ever take me back. I hurt him so badly."

"You might be surprised. You're not an easy woman to give up."

I cried harder at that, thinking that I didn't deserve either of them. Edward held my hand while I cried, choosing to stay silent. When I finally got myself together, he released my hand and stood up. I stood with him and followed him into the foyer, where he lingered by the door.

"I have to go back to work," he said gently. Although I knew that we had some practical things to take care of and that I would surely see him again, I knew a goodbye when I heard one. This was our goodbye.

With a hand that shook, I slipped the engagement ring off my finger and held it out to Edward, who studied it intently before putting it in his pocket. "I'm so sorry I couldn't be the right woman for you, Edward."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you deserve."

"Don't say it like that! We may not have been right for _each other_, but you're a good man. Never think otherwise."

He regarded me with his clear green eyes, eyes which were now full of sadness and regret. "I can stay in a hotel, if you'd like. You should stay here."

I shook my head. "I'd rather go to Renee's. Honestly," I assured him when I saw he was about to protest. "I'm going to do my best to make it to Forks for Christmas, anyway. If I can get a flight, that is."

Edward hesitated for a moment, and then seemed to come to a conclusion about something. "Let me charter you a plane."

"Edward, I can't let you do that."

"Please, Bella. Let me do this for you."

I took in his earnest expression, and realized how important it was to him. He really did want me to be happy, even if it wasn't with him. I _had _been right about what I said earlier- Edward Cullen was a good man. Just not the right man for me.

The right man for me was in Washington, and I needed to let him know that.

"Okay," I agreed finally.

Edward smiled slightly. "Good. I'll call you at Renee's with the details, then."

Before he could turn to go, I stepped into his arms, hugging him with all my strength. "Thank you," I said quietly.

"You're welcome," he replied softly, his voice somewhat muffled by my hair. I felt him place a light kiss on top of my head. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too, Edward."

He left after that, closing the door gently behind him, and I was left standing alone in the foyer of what had, until that morning, been our home together. I felt emotionally drained, but my eyes were dry. For the first time in a long time, I knew exactly what I was doing, and I was absolutely sure that it was the right thing.

I was going to Forks.


	20. Chapter 19

**I guess I should stop making promises about update times since I'm horrible at meeting my own deadlines. Argh, this month has been crazy so far. I apologize for the wait for this chapter, and you can feel free to scold me if you review.**

**The way it looks now, there will be two more chapters and an epilogue, so we're almost there! Next chapter will be Jacob's POV.**

**As always, all things Twilight are property of Stephenie Meyer.  
**

Chapter 19- BPOV

I really fucking hated planes.

I hated them even when they were so huge that I could barely feel movement, even when I was sandwiched between snoring businessmen and had a toddler kicking the back of my seat to distract me from the fact that I was 30,000 feet above the ground. Most people would have been thrilled about the luxurious private jet Edward had chartered, but for me, it was a nightmare. I could hear every noise the engine made, could feel every minute change in direction made by the pilot, and it was making me a nervous wreck.

The pilot had warned me several minutes before that we were about to hit a particularly rough patch of turbulence, and now I sat clutching the armrests of my seat with white-knuckled fingers as the plane pitched and rolled. The flight attendant had abandoned her in-flight duties in favor of sitting and buckling up, which wasn't reassuring. Edward had always told me, "Watch the flight crew, Bella. If they're still serving drinks, everything is perfectly fine."

Things were apparently_ not _perfectly fine.

_Jacob, Jacob, you're doing this to see Jacob, _I mentally chanted, before forcing my hands to relax and pick up the paperback book lying in my lap. I read the same sentence three times with no comprehension whatsoever and threw the book back down in disgust. There was no way around it- I was going to be a mess until we hit smoother air.

Another five minutes passed and I felt the bucking of the small plane begin to cease. The flight attendant unbuckled her seatbelt and made her way over to me, smiling pleasantly as if we hadn't all just been moments from certain death. "Would you like anything else to drink, Ms. Swan?"

"No, thank you." I was afraid that if I ingested anything at that point I'd just throw it up.

The remainder of the flight passed uneventfully, and as we neared Port Angeles I began to long for the distraction of the turbulence. Now I was anxious for a completely different reason- I had no idea how Jacob would react to seeing me, and the possibilities were terrifying. He didn't know that I was going to be in town. I'd thought briefly about calling him, but backed out for the chicken-shit reason that I was afraid he'd tell me not to come. In the end I hadn't even called Charlie, afraid that if he knew to expect me that word would somehow get back to Jacob. I wanted a chance to see him in person to tell him how I really felt, and I was willing to show up unannounced to make that happen.

I was eternally grateful to Edward for chartering the plane that was allowing me to go to Forks at all. I doubted I could have found a flight on my own so last minute, not at Christmas- at least not without paying out the ass and taking a chance on standby. I'd only spoken to Edward once since our goodbye at the condo the previous weekend, when he'd called me at Renee's with the flight information. The conversation had been brief and somewhat awkward, but I honestly hoped that someday Edward and I might be able to move past our history together and be friends. I didn't like the thought of not having him in my life at all.

For her part, my mother was supportive of my decision, which made staying with her and Phil a restful and even enjoyable experience. She was even happy that I was spending Christmas with Charlie. Without the tension between Edward and I and the stress of our impending nuptials looming over my head, I was actually able to concentrate more on my end-of-semester school duties. The last few days of classes seemed like they'd just flown by.

I gathered up all my carry-on belongings so that when the plane finally came to a bumpy stop in Port Angeles, I was able to make a hasty exit after wishing happy holidays to the pilot and flight attendant. All I'd brought with me to Washington was my purse and one over-stuffed duffel bag. I could feel my anxiety mounting as I rushed to pick up my rental car. I was so close now, closer to Jacob than I'd been in months.

I had to force myself not to speed as I headed for La Push. I was going to Jacob's first, and not only for the most obvious reason- true, I was dying to talk to him, but he always got home earlier in the evening than Charlie. I only hoped he hadn't made plans for after work, and that if he _was_ home, that he was alone. I didn't like to dwell on any other possibilities.

The sun was touching the water by the time I pulled into the gravel driveway that I remembered so well. The garage door was closed, so I couldn't tell if Jacob's car was there or not, but the house seemed dark and deserted.

"Shit," I muttered as I climbed out of the car. I hurried up the steps to Jacob's front door and knocked, hoping that he was home and maybe just hadn't turned on any lights yet. No one answered.

"Jake?" I called timidly. When I was met with nothing but silence, I peered through one of the glass panels on the side of the door, feeling like an idiot. It was dark enough that I couldn't see a damn thing.

I sighed and returned to my car, reaching in my purse to retrieve my cell phone. I still had Jacob's cell number memorized. If I really wanted to, I could call him and let him know I was in town. Despite my earlier plan to catch him by surprise, calling him seemed the smart way to go at this point.

My phone was still turned off from the plane ride- I'd been so nervous that I hadn't even thought to call my mother and let her know I'd landed. She was probably worried sick. I'd have to call her first and try to make it brief.

I hit the power button and waited. Nothing happened.

"Oh, what the fuck?" I yelped in exasperation. I clearly remembered charging the phone the night before…or at least I thought I had. Admittedly I hadn't been thinking too clearly the previous evening.

Not that it mattered- the phone was dead as a doornail. And my car charger…

Was on the dresser at Renee's.

_Fuck me._

Well, so much for calling anyone. I'd have to hope that Jacob came home soon and that Renee didn't start calling people looking for my body. I tossed the useless cell back in my purse and settled against the driver's seat to wait.

As the minutes stretched by and turned into half an hour with no sign of Jacob, I became increasingly more aware of another irritating problem, one that would very soon demand a solution.

I had to pee.

I'd drank God only knew how many cups of coffee on the plane, and I hadn't stopped to use the restroom in my haste to get to La Push. My bladder needed relief, the sooner the better. Another five minutes passed and I started to seriously consider my options.

Waiting for Jacob was no longer feasible, unless he happened to show up in the next two minutes. I could leave and drive up the road to the general store, but that seemed like it might take too long. I could pee in Jacob's bushes, but that didn't sound at all appealing, especially if he chose that moment to come home.

My last option was to see if Jake still kept a spare key outside. I decided to try that first, and if I didn't find anything, then bushes it would have to be. I sprinted back up the porch steps and peeled up the welcome mat, hoping against hope that Jacob _still _hadn't heeded my advice about not hiding keys in such an obvious location. I felt around under the mat and sighed with relief when my fingers touched cool metal.

I unlocked the door and slipped the key in my jeans pocket before bounding up the steps to the bathroom. As I sat relieving myself, I took a minute to look around, realizing with mild embarrassment that I was looking for signs of a female occupant.

A glance through the clear shower door showed only Jacob's body wash and shampoo, and a single damp towel hung over the adjacent rack. As I finished up and went to wash my hands, I noted only one toothbrush in the holder. I kept promising myself that I would _not _look in his medicine cabinet.

To be honest, I probably still would have, but as I stood there rinsing my hands I heard the front door open and Jacob's voice calling out, "Hello? Is someone there?"

I hurriedly shut off the water and went to grab the doorknob without even drying my hands. The knob slipped and slid under my fingers without turning, and I cursed under my breath as I heard Jake bounding up the steps.

"Come out and show yourself, motherfucker!" I heard him yell, and I would have laughed if I hadn't been afraid he was about to roundhouse kick the door in, Chuck Norris style.

"Jake, it's me! It's Bella!" I shouted, before finally gaining purchase on the doorknob. It turned and I yanked the door open, rushing out and smacking right into Jacob's chest. I gasped and stumbled back, looking up into dark eyes that were wide with shock.

"Bella?" he whispered, and I almost thought he sounded happy to see me in that brief moment. Then I watched in horror as the light died out of his eyes, and his expression flitted between anger and pain before finally settling into an blank mask.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" he asked stoically, folding his arms across his chest.

"I…uh, I had to pee." _Brilliant._ "I used your key. Sorry."

"I kind of pieced that together, just now. I meant, what are you doing in La Push?"

As ashamed as I felt, I forced myself to look into his eyes. Even wearing that hard mask, he was still so beautiful in his real, rugged way that it almost hurt to look at him. As much as I had dreamed about him while in Phoenix, nothing I had dreamed had even come close to the reality that was Jacob Black.

"I had to see you, Jacob. I've missed you so much." I paused a moment to gather my courage. "Jake, I needed to tell you that-"

"Shouldn't you be planning a wedding right now?"

I bit my lip, struggling not to bawl like a baby at the coldness in his voice. _This is nothing but what you deserve._

"Well, that's a big part of what I wanted to tell you. I called off the wedding. Edward and I aren't together anymore."

His eyes narrowed. "Yeah, I heard that one before."

Despite my best intentions, I felt tears gather in the corners of my eyes. "Jacob, I'm so sorry that I hurt you. You have no idea how much I wish I could take it back. I was wrong about everything. Jake, I love-"

"Don't," he said quietly, and for an instant he let his guard down and I could see every bit of the pain I'd inflicted written on his face. I reached out to him reflexively and had to choke back a sob when he dodged my hand. He stared at the floor for a long moment, and when he raised his head again the mask was back in place.

"I think you should go now, Bella."

I struggled to compose myself and keep my voice level. "Do you think maybe we could talk sometime while I'm in town? Please? It doesn't have to be here. Just wherever, whenever- you pick. I'm here until after New Year's."

He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, and I waited with my breath held, aware that my heart was pounding in anticipation of his answer.

"I don't know. Maybe. I'll think about, okay? That's the best I can offer right now."

_Maybe_. I could live with that. At least it wasn't a flat-out "no."

"Okay," I agreed softly. I looked him in the eyes and tried to muster up a small smile, but found that I couldn't. "Bye, Jake."

He turned away without answering, and I stared at his back for a moment before turning and walking downstairs. In the back of my mind, a part of me fantasized that Jacob would come running after me and stop me just before I reached the door, and then he would tell me he loved me and that it was all okay.

But of course, that didn't happen.

Instead I drove back to Forks with tears marring my vision, not knowing when or even _if _I would hear from Jacob again.

* * *

Charlie's car was in the driveway when I pulled up to the old white house, and the first floor windows were ablaze with light. To my surprise, a huge wreath hung on the door and the twinkling lights of a Christmas tree shone through the picture window in the living room. Must have been Sue's doing, I thought.

I parked on the street and shouldered my duffel bag, hurrying up the cracked walkway as the cold December wind bit into my cheeks. I knocked on the front door, hopping up and down as I waited to keep from freezing my ass off. A few seconds later, Charlie threw the door open, his eyes wide with surprise.

"Bells? What are you doing here, hon?" He pulled me inside with one hand and shut the door with the other before wrapping me in a hug. I hugged him back tightly, breathing in the comforting, familiar smell of his aftershave, and felt my heart constrict. Regardless of whether or not Jacob ever took me back, I was glad I'd come to Forks, glad that I was going to spend Christmas with my father.

"Surprise," I said shakily as I stepped back. Charlie eyed me speculatively, then looked past me as if he expected the door to open again.

"I take it Edward didn't come with you?"

I shook my head. "No…we're actually not together anymore. I gave back the ring, and I've been staying with Mom for the last several days."

"He didn't kick you out, did he?" Charlie asked, anger quickly making its way into his voice. I hurried to correct him, not wanting him to think any worse of Edward than he already did.

"No, Dad, of course not. I just felt better about going to Mom's house. We're going to put the condo on the market after I get back to Phoenix." Then I paused, realizing that I was making a big assumption. "Speaking of which…it _is _okay that I'm here, right? I'd thought I'd stay for my break."

"Of course it's okay. I'm so glad you're here, Bells." Charlie reached out and took my duffel bag, carrying it to the edge of the staircase and setting it down before ushering me into the living room. "I'm really happy to get to spend Christmas with you."

We sat down and I sank comfortably into the old couch cushions, suddenly feeling very cozy- Charlie's house had a way of doing that. Charlie sat next to me and turned his head to study me thoughtfully.

"What?" I asked warily.

"Nothing- it's just that I'm pretty sure I'm not the only reason you're here."

I blushed faintly and looked down at my hands, now bare and lighter without the weight of the ring that I'd never really wanted. "You're right. I came to see Jake, too." Saying his name caused a painful lump to rise up in my throat. "I've actually already seen him. He…wasn't particularly thrilled."

"You really hurt him, Bella. Maybe even more than you realize."

I felt a lone tear slip down my cheek. "I know." I looked up at Charlie, who was still staring at me thoughtfully- another change in him that I thought might have been Sue's influence. The old Charlie never would have been this comfortable discussing matters of the heart. "Dad? What was Jacob like after I left? I mean…what really happened?"

"I'm not sure if it's my place to tell you. I think that's something Jacob should tell you himself, if he ever wants to. I'll just say that he didn't take it well. But he's been doing a lot better the last couple of months. He even got a loan to open up his new shop in La Push."

My eyes widened. "The bikes?"

"Yeah. He's still in the process of getting everything set up, but it shouldn't be too much longer before he's operational. He finished his own motorcycle not long ago. I'm not a huge fan of those, you know, but it's a nice looking machine."

I smiled faintly. "I'm sure it is. Jacob's so talented." I felt my eyes tear up again. "I love him, Dad."

"I know you do. That's why I didn't understand what the hell you went back to Edward for."

I didn't even attempt to delve into all my screwed-up reasons again; they were moot at this point, anyway. I wiped my eyes angrily, feeling pissed at myself all over again. "I asked Jake if I could see him before I left so that we could talk. He said maybe, but who knows. If he didn't want to see me I wouldn't blame him."

"I guess you'll probably see him Christmas day."

My head snapped up. "What?"

Charlie nodded. "I'm supposed to go to Sue's for Christmas. Since you're here, I figured we'd go together."

My nerves kicked into overdrive. "Dad, I can't. Jake, Sue, Seth, Leah…they probably all hate me after what I did."

My dad rolled his eyes. "No one hates you, Bella. Least of all Jake," he added pointedly. "I'll admit, Sue was angry at first, mostly because of how Jake reacted. But she's tried to put herself in your shoes. You know Sue, she's nothing if not compassionate. And she knows that you and I will always be a package deal. If I'm invited over for Christmas, then so are you. Sue will be fine with it, and she'll make sure everyone else is, too."

"I don't want to ruin their Christmas, Dad. You shouldn't shove me in their faces, that's not fair to them. We can have our Christmas together here either before you leave or when you get back."

Charlie sighed. "If that's what you want." I nodded resolutely. "Okay, hon, just let me know if you change your mind."

We moved on to more neutral topics after that, chatting aimlessly while we watched TV and ate delivered pizza together. I was glad for the chance to relax and think. I'd noticed how easily Charlie had accepted the news of my broken engagement, and I realized that it was because he had known my true feelings even better than I had. I'd been so completely and utterly stupid.

But the time for beating myself up was past. I was in Washington, and I wasn't leaving without doing everything in my power to convince Jacob that I loved him. Somehow, I would have to find a way.


	21. Chapter 20

**So this should explain some things about why Jake goes to Leah for advice. I like this chapter for the Jake/Leah dynamic. We're down to one more chapter and the epilogue after this, so it's getting close! I hope to have the story finished by mid-December. Many thanks to everyone who reviewed last time :)  
**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, I'm just borrowing the sandbox.  
**

Chapter 20- JPOV

I stood in my bedroom for a while after Bella left, staring out the window at the ocean in a daze. After several minutes I realized that I was breathing hard and shaking. Violently. I forced myself to sit on the edge of the bed and dropped my head into my hands as I concentrated on slowing the pounding of my heart.

_Bella._

Why the fuck did she have to show up now, of all times? I'd finally started to heal, to move on, and now here she was, reopening all my wounds.

It wasn't that I'd never expected to see her again. After all, her dad lived nearby and just so happened to be dating my adoptive mother- and things were getting serious on that front. I'd known that the day would eventually come when I'd be face to face with her again- but I'd always thought that I would have more time to prepare for it.

I'd also expected her to be a married woman when I saw her again, not confessing how wrong she'd been and that she still loved me. Even though I knew it was for the best (as far as my own sanity and pride were concerned, anyway) sending her away was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I still loved her. I still _wanted_ her. I was only fooling myself to think otherwise.

"Shit," I swore softly, scrubbing my face with hands and then standing up a bit unsteadily. I didn't have the slightest idea what I should do about the situation between myself and Bella, but I knew that I needed to call Sue and let her know what was going on. This was sure to throw a kink into our Christmas plans. I didn't doubt that Charlie would want his daughter with him, and I didn't want Sue to miss out on spending Christmas with Charlie because of our bullshit.

I grabbed the phone off my nightstand, dialed Sue, and paced back and forth across the bedroom floor while I waited for her to answer. She picked up right at the forth ring, sounding slightly out of breath.

"Mom? You okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine," she answered. "Just got out of the shower when I heard the phone. I don't where that degenerate brother of yours is."

"I don't know, he told me he's been making himself scarce these days just in case you bring Charlie home," I said teasingly, although I knew that that actually _was _a big reason why Seth was staying out of the house more. I couldn't blame him. Even though I might joke with her about it, the last thing I ever wanted to hear was Sue and Charlie getting it on.

"Oh please, I usually go to Charlie's because-" she stopped herself, and I finished her sentence in a softer tone.

"Because he's alone there now that Bella's gone." Sue still walked on eggshells around me when it came to any mention of Bella, even though I'd told her more than once in the last couple of months that I was no longer on the verge of a mental breakdown. Of course, given my behavior during the months preceding Halloween, I supposed it was only natural for everyone around me to be extra careful.

Which brought me to my reason for calling. "I wanted to talk to you about something kind of important."

"What's wrong, Jake?" Sue asked immediately, concern lacing her tone.

Damn, I'd made her so paranoid. "Nothing's wrong, exactly. Just…strange." I took a deep breath. "Bella's in town. She came to see me."

"Oh." There was a long pause. "How are you doing? Where is she now?"

"Headed to Charlie's, I guess. I basically kicked her out." I closed my eyes and rubbed the bridge of my nose, remembering the look on Bella's face. Looking into her eyes had made it too easy to believe that she really did love me.

"Jake?"

"Sorry…I was just thinking."

"I asked if you were going to talk to her again while she's here."

"I'm not sure yet," I answered honestly. "I need to think about it. I just thought you should know she was here, and that if you and Charlie decide to include her in the Christmas stuff that I'll be on best behavior."

"Oh, honey, I don't want you to be uncomfortable the whole time, either."

"I know, but I also know it's important to you that Charlie be there, and I'm sure he'll want to spend that time with Bella, too, so I'm just letting you know that I'll suck it up. I've put you through enough crap already."

"You didn't put me through it intentionally. You were hurting."

"Yeah, well…it still wasn't right." I paused as a thought suddenly occurred to me. "I guess I should ask how _you _feel about Bella being there."

"Me?" Sue sounded taken aback by the question. "I'd be alright with it, I guess. I really don't dislike her _personally_…I was just angry because you were hurting. She's still Charlie's daughter, and I'm not going to hold a grudge against her forever." She said the last part cautiously, as if she was afraid of my reaction.

"Don't worry," I assured her. "I don't expect you to. I'm actually not as angry as I expected to be. I'm just confused….and scared."

"I'm assuming she left her fiancé?"

"Yeah, that's what she says."

"I'll support you in whatever you do, Jake, you know that."

"I know."

After I got off the phone with Sue, I checked my watch to see what time it was. Just about dinnertime at the Uley residence. Leah would probably give me shit about showing up without calling first, but I knew she'd get over it. Once again, I needed the advice she was so amazing at giving.

* * *

It took only a few minutes to drive to the modest three bedroom house that Leah and Sam called home. Sam's truck wasn't in the driveway, and I hoped that meant he was working a night shift. I really needed a chance to talk to Leah privately.

I knocked on the door and Leah answered a moment later, her hands covered in flour. A single line of it streaked across her cheek where she must have pushed her hair out her eyes. She seemed frazzled, and I began to rethink my decision to just show up.

"Hi, Jake," she said, blowing another errant strand of hair out of her eyes. "What's up?"

"Just wanted to talk, I guess…is this a bad time?"

She waved a flour-covered hand at the living room, which looked like a hurricane had just blown through. Toys, crayons, and pieces of drawing paper were scattered all over the floor. Sam Jr. sat in a bouncer in the middle of it all, happily chewing on a teether shaped like a fish. "Just the usual. I haven't had a chance to pick up the house…Sam's working, but I forgot about it, and so I'd already promised Kayla we'd make chicken and dumplings for dinner, and she wants to 'help'. Don't go in the kitchen, whatever you do."

"If you say so. Maybe I can distract Kayla so you can finish in peace." I raised my voice in the direction of the kitchen. "I guess Kayla must not be here, huh? I haven't been tackled yet."

A grinning face framed by black pigtails peeked around the edge of the kitchen doorway. "Uncle Jake!" she shrieked, her voice reaching an octave that was approaching the limits of human hearing. She barreled into the living room and ran full force into my legs. Laughing, I picked her up and swung her around while she giggled.

"Hey, Kaybug." She threw her arms around my neck and I closed my eyes briefly, suddenly very glad to be there. During the months immediately following Bella's departure, I'd not only been a bad son and a bad brother, but a bad uncle. I'd barely seen Kayla and Sam during that time, and I was still trying to make it up for it.

I let Kayla lead me into the middle of the mess in the living room, and I held Sam Jr. in my lap while she showed me all the pictures she'd drawn that day. I kept the two of them entertained until Leah announced that dinner was ready.

I strapped Sam Jr. into his highchair and Leah shot me a grateful look. "Ordinarily I'd say you're an ass for showing up for dinner without letting me know, but since you kept them out of my hair, you're forgiven."

"Thanks, Lee." I poured myself a glass of tea and sat across from her, digging into my plate of chicken and dumplings as she deftly alternated between eating her own food and spooning pureed carrots into Sam's mouth. I realized how much I liked the whole domestic scene- something I'd once thought I might experience with Bella in the future. The idea of kids wasn't something I'd dwelled on _too _much yet, but I had to admit that it had occurred to me.

"So, Jake," Leah said, "What is it you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh, well…we can talk about it later. After the kids are in bed."

She raised an eyebrow, eyeing me speculatively across the table. "Must be serious."

"You could say that."

After dinner I helped Leah clean up the kitchen and do the dishes, and then sprawled out on the couch while she gave both kids a bath and got them ready for bed. Sam, always an easy baby, went down in a matter of minutes, but Kayla gave Leah fits, asking for one more bedtime story, one more drink of water, one more bathroom break. Finally Leah joined me on the couch, looking exhausted.

"God, it's nights like this that I almost think about picking up a cigarette again," she sighed.

"You don't want to do that."

"I said 'almost.'" She rolled her eyes. "Besides, you're not exactly in a position to give lectures on unhealthy vices."

Fuck, I guess she had me there. "Point taken."

She curled her legs under her and put on her "serious" face. "Okay, so what's going on?"

"Bella showed up at my house today."

Her mouth dropped open in genuine shock. "Holy shit."

"Yeah."

"So what did she want?"

I smiled faintly. "Me, I guess. She says she broke off her engagement."

"What did you say?"

"I was kind of short with her, actually. I just really couldn't talk about it right then. I wanted some time to digest everything…and then I figured it might help me if I talked to you." I caught her eye and spoke quietly, knowing that I was about to bring up a delicate subject. "How did you forgive Sam?"

She was silent for a moment, her dark eyes cast downward as she seemed to search for exactly what she wanted to say. "When I found out Sam was seeing Emily behind my back, I was devastated. I was so angry because I wanted to fucking hate him for what he did to me, but I couldn't. I still loved him. So I was pissed at him, pissed at her, pissed at myself. And at the time I just needed to get away from it…so when he begged me to take him back, I told him to go fuck himself. It hurt _so bad_ to be away from him, in spite of everything, but I knew it was what I needed. I had to have time to heal and get some perspective on the situation."

I waited without speaking, letting her tell things the way she needed to, even though I already knew this part. I knew all about how Sam had hooked up with Leah's cousin Emily when he and Leah were dating, and how much it had hurt her. Seth and I had been ready to drive over to his house and beat the living shit out of him until Leah begged us not to. At the time I hadn't understood how she could have any loyalty to him after he hurt her, but now I understood all too well.

"In the end, Jake, I forgave him because I loved him too much not to. The idea of living the rest of my life without him hurt even more than what he did to me."

"But how…how did you ever trust him again? How did you even believe him when he said he loved you?" That was the part I was struggling with the most. If Bella loved me, why would she have left?

"It was hard, believe me. There was really nothing he could say to suddenly make me believe it- I took a risk because I still loved him. And I've never been sorry." Her eyes misted up and she swiped at them hastily. "To Sam's credit, he's spent the last seven years proving to me, over and over, that's he worth the risk I took."

"How do I know if Bella's worth it? I mean, I know what happened with me and her is different than what Sam did to you- I'm not trying to compare them, it's just that-"

"She still hurt you, Jake. She still picked someone else." She took my hand and squeezed it gently. "Do you love her, Jake?"

"Maybe it sounds crazy, but yeah, I do. I love her, Lee."

"Then it's a leap of faith."

"Would you think I was dumb for taking her back?"

Leah gave me a pointed look and I shook my head ruefully. "Right. Stupid question." Then I grinned suddenly. "Hey, for what it's worth, I don't feel like kicking Sam in the balls every time I see him anymore."

"See? So eventually I'll probably be able to see Bella and not feel the urge to smack a bitch."

We laughed together for a minute, until I reminded her that I still hadn't decided anything yet. "I still need a little time."

"Take as much as you want, Jake. If Bella really loves you, she'll wait."

* * *

I was still conflicted by the time I headed over to Sue's the next night for Christmas Eve. I knew what I ultimately _wanted_- I wanted to be with Bella. I still loved her, and even after I'd finally emerged from my depressed, self-destructive funk, I'd still missed the hell out of her. We'd had something good before she left, something _real. _I wanted to believe that we could have that again- but the truth was, I was fucking scared. I didn't know if I could trust her not to break my heart again. Leah had said it was a leap of faith, but it was a leap I hadn't decided if I was willing to take.

It was already getting dark and Sue's house was lit up with lights by the time I pulled up and parked my car on the curb out front. I headed to the front door and let myself in, taking a second to breathe in the awesome smells coming from the kitchen. I followed my nose and found Sue and Leah in matching Christmas aprons, flitting around the tiny kitchen and narrowly escaping bumping into each other as they went back and forth, getting things ready.

"Leah in a Christmas apron?" I asked, leaning against the counter and smirking. "Isn't that just precious."

"Oh, shut up," Leah replied. "Me and Mom are being festive this year."

"I don't know, this looks like a good photo op," I said, pulling my phone from my back pocket and holding it up, ready to snap a picture. Suddenly a wooden spoon slice through the air and hit my arm hard. "Ouch, dammit!"

"Don't you dare," Leah said menacingly. "I can just imagine some picture of me in a goofy apron with my hair a freaking mess making its merry way onto your Facebook page."

"Aw, Lee, you know me too well." I obligingly put the phone away and skirted around Leah to give Sue a hug. "I'm sorry Charlie won't be here," I told her.

Charlie had originally planned to join us for Christmas Eve, but in light of Bella's arrival had decided to stay home and spend the evening with her, instead, Apparently they planned to get up early in the morning and exchange gifts, and then Charlie would come over to have Christmas dinner at Sue's. I really hadn't been surprised to find out that Bella had insisted on staying home, although part of me was disappointed that I wouldn't see her. The other part was relieved, because I wasn't sure I could trust my reactions around her.

I needed to make up my goddamn mind.

I joined Sam, Seth, and the kids in the den, where Seth was stretched out on his stomach next to Kayla, sharing a coloring book.

"Manly enterprise," I said, flopping down on the other end of the couch from Sam. Seth turned around and flipped me the bird while Kayla wasn't watching.

"So I heard Bella's in town," he said casually.

"Yeah," I replied, a note of caution in my voice. I knew Seth hadn't been crazy about Bella after she left, but I hoped he remembered to watch what came out of his mouth.

"I just wanted to let you know, it's cool with me, whatever you decide. I mean, I don't know if I'll be ready to join the Bella Swan fan club anytime soon, but I'll be on my best behavior, okay?"

I blinked in surprise. "Uh, thanks, man. That means a lot."

Seth nodded as if satisfied that he got that out of the way, and turned back to his coloring. Sam was quiet, even more so than usual for him, and I got the feeling that he was uncomfortable with the subject of mine and Bella's relationship. Given his history, I could understand why he would be. I did my best to move the conversation to another topic after that, and before long, Sue and Leah announced that dinner was ready.

I was stuffed by the time I left Sue's. I waved off her offer of some pie to take home and headed out to my car after telling everybody goodnight. I knew I hadn't been as talkative during dinner as I usually was. I'd spent most of it lost in thought, but I'd come to at least one small decision. Even though it might not (and probably wouldn't) change her mind, Bella needed to hear from _me _that it was okay if she came over with Charlie for Christmas.

I drove into Forks and pulled to a stop in front of Charlie's house. I hoped it was late enough that I wouldn't be interrupting them while they ate. I jogged through the cold air, my breath coming out in clouds around my face, and knocked lightly on the front door.

Charlie answered, and his eyebrows nearly shot off his head as he took in the sight of me standing on the porch. "Well, hi, Jake."

From the direction of the kitchen I heard a plate crash into the sink and a muffled "Oh, shit." I smiled at Charlie, who smiled back.

"Bella? Someone here to see you," he called.

She rounded the corner still holding a soapy dishrag, and Charlie plucked it from her hand as he passed her. "I'll finish up," he said dryly.

Bella looked up at me, eyes wide, and motioned towards the front porch. "Let's talk outside," she said quietly. She grabbed her coat from the hall closet and joined me on the porch. We leaned against the front of the house, side by side, and I was struck by how awkward and _wrong _it felt not to touch her.

"I'm surprised to see you," she said, glancing at me. "After yesterday I wasn't sure…I just didn't think you'd want to see me again."

I sighed, tearing my gaze away from her before I did something impulsive. "To be honest, Bella, I'm not sure what I want. Not yet. You leaving…it fucking hurt."

"I know." Her voice came out in a whisper, barely audible over the slight breeze.

"I'm not sure you really do," I replied, trying to keep my voice as level as possible. "Before we can move on, I think I need to do my best to explain it to you. And you need to explain to me why you left to start with, because I still don't get it."

"I will, Jake. I-"

"I don't want to do that right now, though," I said, cutting her off. "I'm still trying to process the fact that you're here. Why don't we get through Christmas first, and then we'll talk about all of it, okay?"

"Okay."

"What I really came over here for was to tell you that it's okay with me, with Sue, with everybody if you come over tomorrow. You don't have to feel bad about it."

She stepped away from the wall and turned to face me, her brown eyes wide. "I can't, Jake. It means a lot to me that you came here to tell me that, but I think it's just better if I stay here. That way there's no tension, and everyone can enjoy the day."

"If that's what you really want, then okay. But the offer stands."

"Thank you, Jacob. I don't deserve how nice you're being." She looked down and I could see her biting her lip, that old nervous gesture I'd come to know so well. Instinctively I reached out to pry her lower lip from between her teeth, then realized at the last second what I was doing and let my hand fall lamely to my side.

"Well, listen, I better let you get back in there and spend some more time with Charlie. I can't promise a lot yet, but I do promise that we'll talk. Soon."

Bella looked up and tried her best to smile, and in spite of everything, I couldn't help smiling slightly in return.


	22. Chapter 21

**So here it is- the last chapter of _A Summer in Forks_. I want to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter- even if I didn't get a chance to reply directly (been having some internet issues), I promise that I read each one. **

**I know that a lot of fic writers like to include a playlist with their stories, and although I haven't done that, I do have one song that I want to pass along. It just matches the "feel" of Jake and Bells for me, and to be honest, I'm sort of obsessed with it at the moment. It's "All the Same" by Sick Puppies, and you can listen to it here: www(dot)youtube(dot)com(slash)watch?v=QdFOemP1dR0. Or if you prefer, the actual link is on on my profile.**

**Although this is the last official chapter of the story, we're not ready to say goodbye to this incarnation of Jacob and Bella just yet- the epilogue is still to come, and will be posted no later than Thursday, December 9th. **

**As always, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight- if it belonged to me, I would have ended it quite a bit differently :)  
**

Chapter 21- BPOV

I awoke on Christmas morning after a fitful night of tossing and turning. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes, glad that it was finally light out and that I no longer had to struggle to stay asleep. I'd gone to bed the night before with anxiety coiling like a snake in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't wait until Jacob and I were able to have our "talk," but at the same time, I couldn't help but fear it. There was no guarantee that things would work out the way I wanted.

That was a scary thought.

I slid my chilly feet into bedroom slippers, threw my hair up in a ponytail, and headed downstairs to start a pot of coffee. The rumble of Charlie's snoring drifted through his partially open door as I passed, but I figured he would be getting up soon and I wanted to have a cup ready for him.

The coffee was close to being done and I was in the middle of getting two mugs out of the cabinet when Charlie appeared in the kitchen doorway, wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants and trying to smooth down his rumpled hair. "Merry Christmas, hon," he said, putting his arm around me and kissing the top of my head.

"Merry Christmas, Dad." I squeezed him back with one arm while setting the mugs on the counter. "I could use some caffeine, how about you?"

"Sounds good."

I prepared two cups and carried them into the living room, where Charlie had deposited himself in the recliner. I handed him a mug, which he accepted gratefully.

"I wasn't expecting you to be here, so I sent you a check in the mail for Christmas," he said somewhat apologetically. "It's probably at your house now."

"It's okay, Dad. I mean, I sent you something, too," I said, referring to the new fishing rod and tackle box I'd ordered and had delivered to Charlie's house the week before.

"I know, and thanks again. Still, though," he continued, reaching into the pocket of his sweatpants, "I thought you should have something to open here, so I picked this up last night." He produced a small box, store wrapped in shiny red paper, and handed it to me.

"I had the same thought," I said sheepishly, and crawled over to the tree where one lone present sat in a paper gift bag. I handed it to Charlie. "I ran out yesterday morning and got it."

"You didn't have to do that, Bells."

"It's nothing much," I said, shrugging. I didn't mention to him that I'd also bought something for Jacob too, on the off-chance that he would actually accept it. Charlie pulled the tissue paper out of the bag and removed the box nestled there. Inside the box was a new leather wallet.

"I noticed yours was starting to fall apart," I said, smiling.

"Yeah, it's seen better days. Thank you, hon." He gestured to the small box I still held in my lap. "Open it, see what you think."

I had a hunch it was some sort of jewelry based on the box, and I was right- suspended from a delicate gold chain was a sparkling sapphire pendant set in swirls of gold.

"I know you like sapphires since that's your birthstone."

"It's beautiful. Thank you, Dad." Still clutching the box in my hand I reached over to give Charlie a hug. "I'm so glad I'm here."

"Me, too."

I lifted the necklace out of the box and fastened it around my neck. "Not sure it goes with pajamas, but what the hell." I stood up, gathered the small bit of wrapping paper, and stuffed it into the gift bag I'd used for Charlie's wallet. "How about some breakfast?"

"You know I never turn down your cooking."

"True."

I spent the rest of the morning keeping myself busy around the house- first making a big breakfast of eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, and gravy, and then cleaning the entire kitchen top to bottom. I was in the middle of scrubbing the stove when Charlie put his foot down.

"That's enough, Bella. It's Christmas day. Relax."

I sighed, but dutifully went to the sink to rinse out my sponge. "I know, I should. It's just that I still have a lot on my mind. Cleaning allows me to sort of….space out."

"I understand that, I just hate to see you so on edge on Christmas of all days." Suddenly Charlie's expression brightened considerably. "Here's an idea. Why don't we drive up to Port Angeles and see a movie? The theater's always open on Christmas."

I flashed Charlie a genuine smile. I couldn't remember the last time we'd gone to the movies together. "That sounds great, actually."

I hurried upstairs to get dressed, settling on jeans and a blue sweater that matched my new necklace. After checking the show times on the internet, Charlie and I decided on a new comedy that was starting in a couple of hours, giving us plenty of time to make the drive. Although it was a typical overcast Forks day outside, it was also unseasonably warm and pleasant for December. I felt my spirits lift considerably once we were on the road, and I vowed that for the next several hours at least, I would do my best to enjoy spending the day with my father.

* * *

"That part was hilarious," I agreed, wrapping up my post-movie discussion with Charlie as we walked through the front door. I actually did feel better after spending two hours laughing my ass off and stuffing my face with Junior Mints. I'd managed to put aside my worries and anxiety and just enjoy my Christmas.

I hung up our coats while Charlie went to the phone to check messages and call Sue to see what time he needed to arrive for dinner. As I closed the closet door I heard him yell from the kitchen.

"Bella? You've got a message from Alice wishing us a Merry Christmas. Maybe you should call her back."

I hurried to the kitchen and took the phone from Charlie. "I won't be long," I told him as I dialed Alice's cell number.

Alice picked up on the third ring. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to you, too." I could hear lots of voices in the background and some faint holiday music. "Are you at your parents?" I asked, feeling somewhat guilty. Edward and I normally joined the Cullen family for Christmas, but this year I'd begged off, telling him that I thought it would be nice to spend the holiday at our condo for once. I hoped that he wasn't alone in Phoenix because of me. "Did…did Edward fly to Seattle after all?"

"Yes, he's here."

"Good," I said, sighing with relief. At least he was surrounded by family instead of sitting in the condo by himself or worse still, at the office.

"He seems like he's doing okay," Alice added, answering my unspoken question. "He told me if I talked to you to wish you a Merry Christmas and to give his regards to Charlie."

"I'll pass along the message," I replied dryly, thinking of how little Charlie would care about Edward's regards. "You'll have to do the same for me. How are your parents, by the way?"

"They're good."

"They don't hate me, do they?"

Alice snorted. "Of course not! They're a little disappointed, of course- they were looking forward to making you part of the family. But they're not mad." She paused for a moment, and I could tell she was debating on whether or not to tell me something. "They've been distracted by other news," she said carefully.

"What news?"

"I wasn't sure if I should say anything yet, in light of what you're going through, but…oh, hell. Jasper asked me to marry him!"

"Oh my God, Alice, congratulations!" I said, genuinely thrilled. "I'm so happy for you. When did he ask?"

"Last night. He hid the ring inside a pair of slipper socks he had wrapped up under the tree. So I opened the bag, and I did my best to act happy, but I couldn't help it, part of me was thinking 'slipper socks?' Then I felt something in the toe of the left sock. I'm surprised you didn't hear me squeal all the way in Forks."

"That's so great, Alice. When's the wedding?"

"Not sure yet, probably sometime in June. I have so much to do and not enough time to do it in."

"If anyone can pull it off an amazing wedding, it's you."

"You'll be my maid of honor, won't you?"

"Of course."

I jumped when Charlie suddenly leaned over my shoulder towards the phone. "Congratulations, Alice!"

Alice giggled. "Guess he overheard. Tell him thank you. I better go, Mom needs help in the kitchen and you know Princess Rosalie isn't going to offer."

I was sure she wasn't. Edward and Alice's sister-in-law wasn't exactly the domestic type- or the helpful type either, for that matter.

"That's okay, Charlie needs the phone. I'll talk to you again soon."

After saying goodbye, I hung up and then passed the phone to Charlie. He was eyeing me warily, as if I were a bomb about to go off.

"What?"

"You're okay, right? That Alice is getting married?"

"Yes! God, I'm not that emotionally fragile, okay? I can still be happy for my best friend."

Charlie held up his hands. "Fine, just checking."

I left him alone so he could talk to Sue privately and headed into the living room, where I curled up in the recliner with a book. It was one I hadn't started yet, and it was long- the perfect thing to keep me occupied while Charlie was gone.

I tried not to think about what Christmas dinner at Sue's would be like, and told myself for the hundredth time that I was doing the right thing.

* * *

True to my plan, I read chapter after chapter while Charlie was at Sue's. I even took the book into the kitchen with me and read while I munched on some leftovers from the previous night's dinner. It was a good story, providing a much needed distraction to keep me from thinking about the fact that I was there alone.

Around eight o'clock I was startled by a knock at the front door. I walked into the foyer, puzzled. Surely Charlie wasn't home yet? Even if he was, he would have his key. I tiptoed to the door and peered through the peephole, shocked to see Jacob standing there in the glow of the porch light. I hurriedly smoothed my hair and opened the door.

"Hi, Bella," he said softly. I met his dark eyes and my heart constricted painfully in my chest. It hurt to be so close to him, and yet so far away.

"Hi, Jake. I'm a little surprised to see you. I thought I wouldn't hear from you until tomorrow at the earliest."

"Well, we'd already eaten, and Sam and Leah wanted to get the kids home and get them ready for bed, Seth took off, and I could tell Sue and Charlie needed 'alone time.' So…I figured I'd stop by tonight."

"Oh," I said lamely, not sure how else to respond. Jacob sighed.

"Actually those are all just bullshit excuses. I wanted to see you."

We stared at each other for a long moment, the tension like a tangible force between us. Finally I cleared my throat, realizing that I needed to say something.

"Do you want to…come in for a little bit?"

"Actually, I have something to show you. Grab a jacket."

Mystified, I opened the hall closet and removed my coat, shrugging into it before stepping out onto the porch and closing the front door behind me. Although it was definitely cooler than it had been earlier in the day, it appeared that the unusually mild weather was holding steady. Jacob was wearing jeans and a black leather jacket, his shaggy hair curling over the collar. He looked so amazing that I was momentarily dumbfounded.

"Uh…so what was it that you wanted to show me?" I finally managed to say.

"This," Jacob said, and gestured towards the curb in front of Charlie's house. I squinted into the darkness and realized I was looking at a motorcycle.

I turned to him with a gasp. "Your bike," I whispered. "Charlie said you finished it."

I followed him out to the street to get a better look. The streetlight offered just enough illumination for me to see the sleekness and power of the machine. The chrome glinted in the dim light, and the paintjob was silver on blue- a delicate, almost spider web design.

"It's beautiful," I said, not sure if that was an appropriate adjective to use when describing a motorcycle. "Or would it be better if I said it was badass?"

To my surprise, Jake laughed. "I think it's beautiful _and _badass."

"So this one is all yours, right?"

"Yeah, but I'm taking it to a couple of shows next spring- try to get some exposure for the business."

"Did you paint it yourself, too?"

"No- I mean, the design is mine, but I sketched it out and hired a guy to do the paint. I'm not the best painter in the world. I had someone else do the powder-coating, too."

I wasn't sure what exactly he meant by that, but I didn't ask. I was also thinking that I was proud of him for working so hard to accomplish his dream, but I thought it might sound condescending, so I didn't say that either. Instead, I pointed to the cardboard box that sat oddly out of place next to the front wheel. "What's that?"

"A present for you."

"For me? But why?"

"I'd already come up with the design for the bike and ordered this for you before…well, you know." He shrugged. "Seems silly not to give it to you anyway, now that you're here." He bent down and picked up the box, handing it to me. "It was a bitch bringing it with me. I basically held it in my lap."

I sat the box on the ground and opened the flaps, pulling out something weighty from amidst the foam packing peanuts. I realized immediately that I was holding a motorcycle helmet. It was painted the exact same shade of blue as the bike, and written in elegant silver script across the front was my nickname, the one Jacob hadn't uttered since I'd come back to Forks.

_Bells._

"Jake-" I began, but he cut me off.

"Hopefully it'll fit," he said. "I had to guess a little, but the place I ordered it from said this was pretty standard size for a woman's helmet, so…yeah." He shoved his hands into his pockets, and I realized he was as nervous as I was.

"Thank you," I said, feeling my eyes moisten. I willed myself not to cry as I clutched the helmet against my side. "I have something for you, too. Don't go anywhere."

I ran back inside the house and returned carrying the small white cardboard box that held Jacob's gift.

"Charlie told me the name of your new business yesterday- I think he was afraid of what I would think, considering what happened between us. I have to admit, I'm confused. Why didn't you change the name?"

He shrugged again. "You know how it is, once you get a great name in your head it can be hard to let it go." He glanced at me, his dark eyes unreadable.

"Well, anyway," I continued hurriedly, "Charlie also told me you didn't have a company logo yet- so I designed one and had some business cards printed for you. You don't have to use them if you don't like what I came up with. I mean, I'm not a graphic designer." I forced myself to stop rambling and handed the box to Jacob.

He opened it and removed one of the cards, holding it into the light to get a better look. A motorcycle was embossed on a silhouette of a swan in mid-flight, and across the bottom of the design read "Black Swan Custom Cycles."

He stared at it for what seemed an eternity, tracing the design with his index finger.

"Bells," he whispered, and my heart leapt.

"Yes?" I answered, too anxiously.

He looked at me finally, smiling faintly. "How about a ride?"

I hesitated, caught off guard. I looked at the motorcycle apprehensively. I'd never been a big fan of them in the past, probably due to Charlie's influence. The thought of actually riding one was, quite frankly, terrifying.

Then I looked up and caught Jacob's eye, and all my fears suddenly seemed insignificant. This was _Jake_. He would never intentionally put me in harm's way, not even after everything that had happened. I was sure of that.

"Okay." I lifted my helmet and put it on my head, pleased to find that it fit. I struggled with the strap for a minute before Jacob gently brushed my hands aside. He adjusted the helmet to fit snugly and securely, while all the while his eyes never left my face.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak at the moment. Jacob grabbed his own helmet from where it hung on the handlebars and then swung his leg over the seat. I climbed on behind him, zipping up my jacket in preparation for the ride. I jumped as the engine roared to life underneath me.

"Better hold on," Jake yelled, and I obediently wrapped my arms around his midsection, happy for any excuse to touch him. I held on tight as we started down Charlie's street, the houses and trees rushing past us in the darkness.

* * *

As we sped along the dark highway in the direction of La Push, I was struck by a startling discovery- I _loved _riding on the back of Jacob's motorcycle. The feeling of speed and the wind whipping through my hair were almost euphoric in themselves, but when combined with the feel of Jacob's back pressed against my upper body, I was positively giddy. For awhile I even forgot to feel sad or anxious about what the future might hold. I was completely in the moment with the man I still loved more than anyone.

Jacob turned onto another road and slowed down as the elevation increased and the turns became sharper. I realized we were winding our way up to the cliff we'd jumped from over the summer. My breath caught in my throat- apparently the time for our "talk" was fast approaching.

We pulled into a small clearing close to the cliff edge, a relatively private area complete with handy boulders to sit on. Jacob shut off the bike and I released my hold on him reluctantly, climbing off the bike and removing my helmet. I shook my hair out and stared through the trees towards the cliff, noting how the moon illuminated the edge where the water met the horizon. Jake joined me quietly and took the helmet from my hand, hanging it on the handlebars opposite his own.

"Pretty, isn't it?" he said, nodding slightly in the direction of the ocean.

"Yeah," I agreed softly. "I missed the ocean while I was…gone." I looked down and fidgeted nervously with the zipper on my jacket, taking a deep breath to steady myself. "Jake-"

"Why did you leave?" he interrupted, still looking not at me, but at the cliff and the water beyond. "I mean, I know you said all that shit about giving Edward a chance, and having a long history together, but was that really all of it? I mean, fuck…I thought I made you happy."

Tears stung my eyes and I blinked rapidly, trying to hold myself together. "You did make me happy," I managed to say. "So happy."

"Then why? Just because you thought it made more sense to stay with the guy you'd been with longer? That's dumb, Bella. He didn't make you happy, _I did._" He turned to me finally, and his eyes, dark and intense, fixed on mine. "He didn't really know you. _I did._ Or at least, I thought I did." He looked away again, sighed, and rubbed his face with his hands. "I sure as hell didn't think you'd throw away what we had."

"I wish I hadn't!" I burst out, the tears flowing freely now, as much as I'd tried to stop them. "You don't know how much I wish I'd told Edward no. I've thought of you every day since I left here. I've hated myself for the way I hurt you." The words sounded broken, marred by my sobs, but I pushed them out anyway. "I wish to God I could take it all back. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. I thought that I owed Edward something- a chance, I guess. We'd been together a long time, and you and I-"

"That shouldn't have mattered. Time shouldn't be the deciding factor in all of this." Jacob shook his head in frustration. "All this time I thought there had to be another reason. I thought maybe I did something wrong, something to make you second guess how I felt about you…"

"You didn't do anything wrong. _I _was wrong, Jake. I was stupid, I know that."

"So you came back." To my surprise, Jacob was near tears himself. "I didn't think you would, you know. Even though I fantasized about it sometimes. Part of me hoped that if you ever did, that I'd have moved on and found someone else too, so I could rub your face in it. But for the most part, I just wanted you back." He laughed derisively. "I'm such a fucking sap, aren't I? I mean, even now, part of me is still so _pissed _at you. I mean, when you left, you destroyed me. I didn't want to go anywhere or see anybody…and I guess Charlie didn't tell you I practically became a fucking drunk, did he?"

I shook my head, my eyes widening in surprise. "No. He never said anything like that." The thought of Jacob in that much pain made me feel physically ill. My stomach churned and I reached out as if to touch him, wondering if he could even accept comfort from me, of all people. My hand brushed the arm of his leather jacket and I could feel him shaking. Whatever calm he might have possessed when he picked me up at Charlie's house was utterly gone. "I don't know how you can stand the sight of me after all that," I whispered. "If you're so angry, how can you-"

"Because I love you, Bells," he growled. "I still fucking love you." He reached out and grabbed me before he even finished the sentence, hauling me hard against his body with one hand and cradling the back of my head with the other. Before I had time to process what was happening, he lowered his head and pressed his lips to mine.

His mouth was as warm and inviting as I remembered, and when he sought entrance with his tongue I gave it gladly. There was still lingering anger behind the kiss and it was rough and hurried, but I returned it with as much force as I was capable of. I reached up and threaded my fingers through his hair, giving it an experimental tug. He uttered a low moan and snaked his hands under my jacket and sweater, sliding them up my stomach and ribs until he reached my breasts. As his thumbs grazed my nipples through my bra I cried out against his lips, letting my head fall back.

With a sound of impatience, Jacob unzipped my jacket and pulled my sweater up to my neck before reaching behind me and undoing the clasp of my bra. He shoved the garment out of the way and lowered his head to my right breast, taking my nipple in his mouth. With his right hand he palmed my ass and pulled me flush against his obvious erection. My knees buckled.

"Jake…I can't stand, I-"

Wordlessly he picked me up and I locked my legs around his waist, holding on as he walked us over to a boulder. He sat me down on it and backed away from me long enough to strip off his jacket and lay it across the rocky surface. "Sit on my jacket," he panted, and I complied. As soon as I was situated he deftly unbuttoned my jeans and yanked them off, along with my plain old cotton underwear. The cool air hit me like a slap, but I quickly forgot about it as Jacob put his hand between my legs. His fingers slid along my already wet folds and I gasped, bracing myself against the boulder with my hands to keep from falling backwards.

After a minute I sat up, desperate to have him inside me already. I quickly unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and slid my hand inside his boxers, grasping his hot, hard length and stroking.

"Fuck, Bells," he ground out, and pushed his pants the rest of the way down. The boulder was tall enough to put his cock perfectly level with my entrance. I stroked him more firmly, drawing him closer. "Please tell me you're still on the pill," he said.

"Yes."

That was all the encouragement he needed. He thrust into me hard and fast, and I threw my arms around his neck to keep from falling back onto the hard rock. He drew my legs around him and slid impossibly deeper each time he entered me, his face contorted with the effort. Disjointedly, I wondered if this was what they considered make-up sex.

It was my last coherent thought before I came, biting my lip to keep from screaming into the nighttime stillness. Jacob's eyes widened as I clenched around him, and I could tell he was close.

"Oh, God, oh, fuck…_fuck!_" he shouted, apparently not caring if there might be anyone around to hear. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close to him, breathing heavily in my ear. We stayed that way for a few minutes until he pulled back and looked at me, his expression almost ashamed.

"Shit, Bella, I'm sorry." His hands lingered on my hips, and I couldn't help but notice that a faint tremor remained in his fingers. "I shouldn't have done that, not when I was mad about it. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

I reached up to touch his face and he leaned into my hand, closing his eyes briefly. "Jesus, no, Jake. I'm fine. You don't have to be sorry. _You_ have nothing to be sorry for."

He took a deep breath before opening his eyes, and then he stepped away from me and bent down to retrieve my clothes. He handed them to me and then pulled his own pants up, still looking troubled.

"Bells, honey…" he began hesitantly (_Bells honey, _my mind repeated, and my heart did a happy dance in my chest), "I don't want you to think that I just did that…well, to punish you, or prove a point or something. That's not it at all. I've been dying to touch you anyway, and well, the truth is that I'd already made up my mind about us before I showed up at Charlie's."

I looked at him in shock, stopping abruptly in the middle of zipping up my jacket. "You did?"

"Yeah. I didn't say anything right away because I wanted us to talk, and to be honest, I _am _still angry with you in a way. I'm not sure I can just make that vanish overnight."

I fought back the cautious hope that began to flood my consciousness. He still hadn't said the exact words yet. "So…what are you saying, exactly?" I asked softly.

He stared out at the water again, and I couldn't get a read on his expression. "Did you know that Leah and Sam almost didn't get married?"

"What?" I asked, confused. "No, I didn't know that."

"They broke up for awhile because Sam cheated on her."

"Oh my God." I never would have guessed that the seemingly happy Sam and Leah had ever gone through something like that in their relationship.

"Yeah," Jake replied. "It tore her apart. The girl he slept with was her cousin, Emily. Well, technically, I guess she's my cousin, too. Anyway, her and Leah were best friends."

"How could they do that to her?"

Jacob shook his head, glancing back at me. "I don't know. I'm not sure Leah fully understands, even now."

I knew that someone this was connected to us, so I waited for him to continue. Finally he sat next to me on the boulder and took my hand. I squeezed his fingers and he offered me a ghost of a smile.

"I went to talk to Leah the night you came back. She really helped me out emotionally after you left, and I thought she might have some advice to offer about what I should do now that you were here. I asked her how she was able to forgive Sam. I know our situations aren't the same, but if anyone knows about forgiveness, it's Leah." He looked down at our joined hands and rubbed his thumb in slow circles across my skin. "She said that she loved him too much not to. That the thought of living without him was more painful than what he did." He looked up, his eyes shiny with barely suppressed tears. "I asked her how she was ever able to trust him not to hurt her again, and she said that she knew there was nothing he could say…that she just had to give him a chance to prove himself. She believed that Sam was worth the risk. She called it a leap of faith."

My breath caught in my throat as he reached over to cup my face with his free hand. "Bella, I've already lost so many people in my life- my mom, my dad, Harry- and then I thought I'd lost you. None of them are ever coming back…but you did. I _won't_ lose you again, not when it's by my own choice. I love you, Bells, and I still think you're worth the risk."

Tear spilled down my cheeks for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. "I love you, too, Jacob. I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you, I promise."

He released my hand to cradle my head in both of his, lowering his forehead to mine. "I hope so, Bells, because I can't go through this again. I _won't. _You know what they say 'Fool me once, shame on you- fool me twice, shame on me.' It has to be you and me, for good this time. I need to know that this is what you really want."

"I've never wanted anything more than I want to be with you," I said firmly, looking him straight in the eyes.

He searched my expression for a long moment, and seemed satisfied with what he saw. "Thank God," he whispered, before gently pressing his lips to mine.

And on that dark Christmas night, kissing the man I loved on a rock in the middle of the wilderness of Washington state, I knew for certain that I was finally home.


	23. Epilogue

**Yay, for once I finally met one of my self-imposed deadlines. :) After the angst level of the last few chapters, the epilogue was surprisingly easy and fun to write. **

**I just wanted to take a moment to say a final thank-you to everyone who left reviews and/or added this story to your alerts and favorites. As I said in the beginning, this was my first attempt at writing fan fiction, and to be honest I was a little nervous about posting it. As it turns out, the amount of positive response for this story has far exceeded my expectations. You guys are all awesome- thank you so much for taking a chance on a new writer. **

**I do plan to write more in the future. I have a couple of ideas in mind right now (J/B related, of course!) but I definitely won't be posting anything new until after New Year's at the earliest. I'm going to give my brain a much needed vacation :) Keep me on your alert lists, though, because I'm sure I'll have something going before too long.**

**And finally, Happy Holidays to everyone!**

**-Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer. If it belonged to me, the ending might have been something like this :)  
**

Epilogue

_A Wedding_

JPOV

The church was filled to the brim with people, and whatever space wasn't taken up by bodies was decorated to the nines with the best seasonal flowers that the state of Washington had to offer. The low, steady hum of voices reverberated off the walls and the numerous stained glass windows depicting various times in the life of Jesus. The soft music being piped in over the PA was barely audible over all the chit-chat.

Even though the pews were mostly filled, people continued to file in. It was starting to get pretty damn hot under all the lights, and the extra bodies weren't going to help. I felt a bead of sweat trickle down my back under my expertly tailored black tux. _That's attractive, _I thought, irritated. _Maybe I can show up to the reception with pit stains._

I shifted impatiently, hoping that soon all these people would sit the hell down and we could get started already. I glanced to my right where Jasper Whitlock stood, his hands behind his back and a nervous smile plastered on his face.

"How you holding up, man?" I asked quietly.

"I'm fine. I just want to get this going. I'm boiling over here."

"Me, too. I don't know whose idea it was to skimp on the air-conditioning in July when half the people here are in formal wear, but they suck. My nuts are roasting."

Jasper tried to stifle a laugh and it came out as a loud snort. A few people sitting near the front glanced our way for a moment, amused, and then went back to their own conversations.

On my left, Jasper's fellow band members (and my fellow groomsmen) guffawed. "Nice one, Jazz," said his bassist, a guy named Rick Lee. "I bet they heard that outside."

"Shut up," Jasper muttered. He asked me again what time it was.

"Five minutes later than the last time you asked. And yeah, things are running late."

Somehow (I still wasn't sure how, exactly) I'd become Jasper's best man for his wedding to Alice Cullen. Granted, we'd become much closer friends over the last six months or so, but I still hadn't thought of myself as best man material. As it turned out, though, Jasper wasn't really that close with his band members when they weren't performing (at least not at the "best man" level) and he didn't have many other friends. He'd always been a loner, apparently, and I was the first guy he'd become close to in a long time. I had to admit I was honored to be asked. Of course, it worked out pretty well because Bella was Alice's maid of honor.

I still hadn't seen Bella yet. We'd driven into Seattle the day before and stayed at Alice's house overnight, but they were long gone to a hair appointment or some damn thing by the time Jasper and I woke up. I couldn't wait to see how my Bells looked in the dark blue dress Alice had picked out. I had a feeling she'd chosen that color for her bridesmaids dresses because she knew it would flatter Bella. I always knew there was a reason I liked Alice.

"Finally," Jasper said under his breath. The last guests were taking their seats, and the minister had stopped shaking hands and was making his way to the alter. He greeted the five of us and then took his place front and center. I watched as the organist, a tiny elderly woman, sat down and began to play. I didn't recognize the song, but it was definitely pretty.

Two children (Jasper's niece and nephew) proceeded through the open double doors, acting as flower girl and ring bearer. The boy was a little older, and he had to keep his younger sister from meandering all over the place as she threw handfuls of rose petals with all the gusto of a discus thrower. They drew a lot of laughs from the guests as they made their way to the front of the church. The boy persuaded his sister to stand on the bride's side, and then he joined us.

In the meantime, Alice's other bridesmaids began to file in one at a time. Two of them were friends and coworkers from her shop, and the third was a gorgeous, frosty blonde- Emmett's wife, Rosalie. We'd been introduced at the rehearsal dinner the night before, and she hadn't seemed like the friendliest chick in the world.

"Remember that line in 'Pretty Woman?'" Bella had whispered to me. "Something about 'you could freeze ice on his wife's ass?' Well, that pretty much describes Rosalie."

I had to struggle not to laugh as I watched Rosalie take her place in line, thinking that it was a pretty damn good description. Poor Emmett.

Then, finally, Bella walked through the door. The strapless dress fit her exactly right, encasing her slender figure in deep blue satin, and her hair was piled up on top of her head in some kind of complicated updo. I realized I'd never seen Bella with her hair completely up like that before. It showed off the graceful curve of her neck, and I suddenly found myself longing to put my mouth there.

_Focus, Jake, _I commanded myself. Pitching a tent in church in front of two hundred onlookers wasn't exactly on my "to do" list. Not only that, but I realized I wasn't the only one watching Bella. The one person whose occasional gaze I'd been avoiding was now staring over at my Bells, a slightly wistful smile on his face. I narrowed my eyes in annoyance. _Cullen._

Of course, Bella and I had both known he would be there. It was still unsettling seeing him though, and knowing that at some point during the reception he and Bella would likely engage in some form of conversation. They hadn't spoken since earlier in the spring when they discussed the sale of their condo, and this would also be the first time they'd seen each other in as many months.

Despite everything we'd been through, I now firmly believed that Bella was really over any lingering attachment to Edward. Although it hadn't come easily at first (especially while she was still in Arizona) I'd come to trust her again. Our relationship had only grown stronger since she'd come back to Washington at the end of the school year- for good this time.

As soon as I told Bella that I was serious about giving us another chance, she informed me of her intent to give her notice at work as soon as she got back to Phoenix. She didn't want to abandon her classes before the end of the year, but she was determined that this would be her last semester at Mesquite High School. It seemed like fate was on our side, for once, because when she sent in her resume to Forks High School, they called her right away with an opening for freshman English.

So things between us were good, better even than I'd expected- and I knew, deep down, that Bella loved only me. That still didn't squash my natural desire to flip Cullen the bird. I knew it was immature and ridiculous- after all, Bella chose me in the end- but what can I say, testosterone and male pride sure can fuck with a guy's head sometimes.

Of course my maturity and good sense prevailed, and instead of antagonizing Edward, I returned the smile Bella was sending my way as she continued down the aisle. She stepped into place next to Rosalie, and the music drifted off and changing to the recognizable strains of the wedding march. On cue, every head in the church turned towards the doorway, each guest trying to catch their first glimpse of the bride.

Alice floated in on a cloud of white, her tiny frame draped in what I was sure was a hideously expensive designer gown. She did look beautiful though, and I heard Jasper suck in a breath next to me. I glanced over at him, but he only had eyes for her.

She walked down the aisle on the arm of her father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, who was wearing the bittersweet smile I imagine every father probably wore when they gave away their only daughter. He pressed a kiss to her cheek and then shook Jasper's hand before sitting down in the front row of the bride's side next to his wife, Esme. Alice turned to Jasper, displaying an almost shy expression that I'd never thought I would see on her. The look of pure love that passed between the bride and groom was obvious to everyone, and I looked over at Bella to see her looking back at me.

_That'll be me and you one of these days, Bells. Never doubt it._

_

* * *

_

"Oh God, my feet," Bella moaned, falling into the chair next to me and stretching out her legs. She looked at her blue heels disdainfully. "I told Alice that if she wanted me to do all the traditional wedding party dances, that she damn well better let me wear my sneakers under this dress."

"And what exactly made you think there was snowball's chance in hell that she'd go for that idea?" I asked teasingly. I picked up Bella's right foot, slipped her shoe off, and began to rub her overworked heels and arches.

"Yeah, I should've known bet- ah, that feels good- should have known better than to think that Alice would let me sacrifice style for comfort."

"Yeah, what's that she always says? 'Beauty is pain.'" The voice came from behind me and my hands stalled for just a split second before resuming the foot massage. Bella looked up and smiled as naturally as possible.

"Hi, Edward."

"Hi, Bella. It's good to see you." Cullen pivoted around to my left side, his arm around his date, a tall, blue-eyed blond. "I figured I'd say hello while I had the chance. Alice doesn't seem to take the duties of the maid of honor lightly."

Bella laughed, shaking her head. "No, she doesn't." She wiggled her foot playfully and threw me a reassuring smile before returning her gaze to Edward. "Edward, this is Jacob Black."

He extended his hand and I released Bella's foot to shake it, feeling a little awkward about the whole situation. Edward handled it as if he shook hands with his former fiancée's boyfriend all the time. "Nice to meet you, Jacob."

Oddly enough, he seemed like he really meant it. Then again, Bella had always told me that their final breakup was fairly amiable. "You, too," I said.

"And this is Tanya," he said, nodding towards the blonde. "She works at the firm now, designing for some of our pre-existing clients."

I shook her hand, too, and then returned to massaging Bella's feet, glad for something to do. Bella smiled at Tanya and stretched out to offer her own hand. "Sorry for us not getting up," she said apologetically. "My best friend is trying to kill me."

Tanya laughed. "That's okay, I understand. If I had to dance that much in those shoes I'd be crying by now."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Yes, when it comes to fashion Alice is a little…"

"Overzealous?" I offered helpfully.

"I was going to say 'insane.'"

I laughed in spite of myself, and heard a trilling voice behind me say, "Thanks a lot, Edward."

He grinned. "Anytime, sis."

I looked over my shoulder at Jasper and Alice, who still looked deliriously happy. I didn't think there were any jabs that could dampen Alice's spirits at the moment.

"I am sorry about the shoes, Bella," she said sincerely.

Bella waved her off. "What are friends for? I'll just send you the bill from my podiatrist."

I chuckled softly as I kneaded my fingers into the arch of her left foot. She sighed contentedly and flashed me a grateful smile. Edward looked between the two of us and, amazingly, came to the conclusion that it was time to exit stage left.

"So, any chance I can snag a dance with the bride?" he asked brightly.

"I guess I can let you squeeze one in," Jasper drawled, and gave Alice a kiss before handing her off to her brother. Then he held out his hand to Edward's date. "Tanya, right? Care to dance?" She accepted and followed him back out onto the floor, leaving Bella and I alone.

"That wasn't so bad," I said offhandedly, as I gave her foot a last affectionate squeeze.

"What, meeting Edward?" she asked.

"Yeah, I thought it would be really awkward, but…it was all right. I mean, I don't want to go hit a round of golf with the guy or anything, but it was okay."

She smiled at me and wiggled her feet some more. "I'm glad."

I glanced around the room, noting that everyone seemed to be occupied with either dancing or talking. I suddenly had no interest in rejoining the party, at least not just yet. "Feel like taking a walk?"

"Only if I can go barefoot."

So we ended up outside in the gardens behind the reception hall. We walked hand in hand in the combined glow of the moon and the lights coming from the building behind us, Bella's shoes dangling from her free hand by their straps. For awhile we didn't speak, just taking a few moments to enjoy each other's presence. But once we were a good distance away from the reception hall, I directed Bella to a stone bench at the edge of the gardens. She sat down, looking up at me inquisitively.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I was going to do this later, after we got home, but…what the hell." I took a deep breath to steady myself, then looked into her warm brown eyes and found all the courage I needed.

"I love you, Bella. I never stopped, not even when you left me, not even when I thought I would never get to feel you in my arms again. It's been hard to get from there to where we are now, but there's no where else I'd rather be than with you. So I figure, why not make it permanent?" I reached into my inner jacket pocket and pulled out the small box I'd concealed there, opening it to reveal a modest gold band with a single diamond.

"Jake," Bella gasped, her eyes widening as she looked from me, to the ring and back again.

"It was my mother's," I said quietly, "and I'd be honored if you would wear it, and be my wife." I dropped down next to her on the bench and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, my fingers lingering on her face. "Marry me?"

She looked up at me with tear-bright eyes, and I thought I'd never seen my Bells look more beautiful than she did in that moment. Though she trembled, her voice came out clear and strong, without a bit of hesitation- there was only love, always love.

"Yes, Jacob. I will."

_ fin._


End file.
